Lovechild
by HuaFeiHua
Summary: Everything seemed to be going fine for the Survey Corps. Then, one day, Hange discovered a baby on the doorstep that strangely reminded her of two of her friends, one of whom was dead. However, the corps took it upon themselves to raise the little turd. And who knows? Everyone could use a little ray of sunshine sometimes.
1. Discovery

_**Revised Author's Note i.** hey there! i just wanted to welcome you to the fic that has pretty much been my baby for the last year and a half or so. it was my first and tbh it's kind of a relic to how crappy i used to be. i have to say, i've improved a lot as a writer since i first published this, not to mention learned a crap ton more about the canon and the order of events and about babies in general. however, what's written is what's written, and i'm too lazy to completely overhaul the fic. anyway obligatory disclaimer: i don't own the show or characters blah blah blah._

 _anyway. i promise you it's not a bad fic. reviews! throw them at me! i'm begging you! idc if the chapter's old or not! if that's your style do it! they help my fragile ego. have a great day!_

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 **Word Count:** 1,719

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Dawn broke beautifully that day. The colors changed from inky black to midnight blue to a warm, glowing orange that lingered for a few minutes, then finally allowed the sky to clear.

Hange marvelled at the bright orb known as the sun slowly making its way up from the horizon. She was normally a late sleeper, but for some reason, today was _different_. She sat up in bed and stared out her window, waiting for dawn to come to an end. Yet, even when it did, she still stared out into the horizon as if expecting something more to happen. But of course, nothing did.

After a few minutes of waiting, Hange grew bored and therefore stretched and got out of bed. She wasn't sure what to do with this newfound spare time, but she was sure she'd find something to do. After all, science _always_ called.

She lazily made her way out of her room, down the stairs into the main hall, nonchalantly opened the door to the courtyard of the Recon Corps headquarters, and, having long grown tired of looking at the sky, looked down.

She wasn't sure what to expect, but it sure wasn't a baby. It was in a basket, neatly wrapped in some sort of towel or coarse blanket, peacefully sleeping. Now curious, she picked it up. It looked oddly familiar, but not _quite_ like anyone she knew. No, it looked more like a mix of two of her friends, but she couldn't quite place which ones.

There appeared to be no note, no nothing indicating its purpose on the Recon Corps' doorstep, but one could never be too careful, so Hange checked the folds of the blanket, and, lo and behold, not too far inside, she found an envelope.

She shifted the baby, still sleeping, to her right arm, delicately held the letter in her mouth, and picked up the basket with her leg, not even paying a second thought to how clumsy of a manner she was carrying everything. Hange then proceeded to hop into headquarters on one foot.

She hopped down the hall into what passed as the living room, then plopped down on a couch. Amazingly, the baby had slept through the entire thing. She spat the envelope out as she kicked the basket off her leg; meanwhile, she took the baby in her two hands and held it up to the light that shone in through the window, as though trying to decipher some light-sensitive code.

"You are one heavy sleeper," she decided, then gave the baby a light toss, allowing it to fall a few centimeters before deftly catching it.

About half a second later, Hange reconsidered her statement as the baby's eyes shot open, and it began screaming.

"Shit," she said, panicking now as she got up, and the envelope fluttered to the ground. She began to gently rock the child, humming it a random tune from her distant childhood. However, the baby seemed unimpressed and continued wailing.

Hange could hear the grumbles and footsteps of her fellow corps members and began to panic even more. She didn't know whose child she was holding; hell, she didn't even know its gender. What would they think if they saw her singing to an unidentified baby?

Levi was the first to enter the room, with his usual dark circles under his eyes signifying that his insomnia had kept him awake to hear them first and looking sarcastically at Hange as she held the crying baby.

"What is that?" he asked.

"Well, uh, it's a baby," Hange replied, somewhat embarrassed, partially because she had just had the perfect opportunity to sass her comrade, and also because she just realized how stupid she sounded.

"It looks more like a sack of bloody shit wrapped in a towel to me. Get rid of it immediately; it's kidnapping if you just found it off the side of the road, which, knowing you, I'm guessing you did," Levi said.

"I don't think that's an option," Hange said in return, rocking the baby gently in her arms. She stared intently at it for a few moments, and strangely enough, the child calmed down. It stared at her with large, golden orbs of eyes, intelligence reflecting in them.

"Why not?" he flatly asked.

Hange motioned to the basket a meter or so away and the letter lying at her feet. "It was left on the doorstep in a basket. The letter was hidden in the folds of the blanket. Clearly, it was meant for us. Or maybe not _us-_ us, but the Corps in general." Her eyes suddenly had a very dangerous gleam in them. "This kid might be important! You know, for _science_!"

Levi sighed and picked up the envelope containing the letter. On the back was a single, very neatly written, cursive word.

 _Levi_.

The man in question began to show mild interest, though his eyes betrayed his true shock by widening almost imperceptibly. He flipped it over again. The sealed side was blank.

It was at this time that several cadets tread heavily into the room, grumbling about the rude wake up call and rubbing sleep from their eyes. Hange recognized their faces, vaguely, but she couldn't really place their names at the moment.

A bald boy flopped against the doorframe as another rather tall boy with a face that somewhat resembled a horse stretched and yawned. Neither one of them looked like they wanted to be up at the crack of dawn, but their curiosity (and the obnoxious crying) must have gotten the better of them. Christa was the only other cadet that Hange actually knew the name of who was entering, her eyes alert and curious as she stood behind one of the couches.

"Hello, you shitty little brats," Levi said, beginning to open the letter up. He didn't look at them.

The three of them eyed him wearily. Christa glanced from Levi to Hange, back to Levi and back to Hange _again_ before something clicked in her mind, and she softly gasped, for she _finally_ noticed the baby nestled in her arms. Looks must have been deceiving on her: though she looked wide awake, her brain clearly wasn't all there yet.

"Oh my, whose is that?" she asked, seemingly gliding over to Hange and gently taking (read: prying) the child from her.

"It's a mystery," Hange replied, surrendering it.

Christa unwrapped the part of the blanket keeping the child's head warm to find more than a few wisps of slightly curled, black hair growing. It clearly wasn't born yesterday. She looked into their amber eyes and thought they looked just the slightest bit familiar. In fact, the entire structure of its face had bits and pieces that looked familiar. She just wasn't quite sure where the familiarity was coming from.

The bald boy flopped, almost comedically so, pounding his head against the wall in frustration and exhaustion. "Can I go back to beeeed?" he whined. Tall boy nodded in agreement.

Levi glanced up from the letter he'd only just begun reading, looking at the two boys with a very weary and jaded grey eye. "You _can_. But you may not. You're up now. Go clean the kitchen."

Baldie groaned and pretty much passed out on the spot. Tall Horse Boy sighed and began dragging him away. He threw an exhausted look at Christa and Hange and said, "You guys'd better figure out what to do with that thing. I'm not losing any more sleep than I have to." With that, he trudged away, bald boy in tow.

Christa carefully sat down on the couch next to the captain. She looked up at Hange. "Should I check for its gender?" she asked.

Hange nodded. "That would be a good idea." She thought of how that should have been the first thing she had done rather than toss it up, but _whatever_.

Christa discreetly unwrapped the child and looked at it. "It's a girl." She rewrapped the child, albeit quite messily.

Levi turned over the letter in his hand. The back was blank, so he read the front again. He said nothing, merely grunting instead.

"Eh? What is it?" Hange asked, leaning dangerously close to him. "Does it have any answers?"

Levi carefully folded the letter back up and put it in his jacket pocket. "It has answers, I suppose you could call them. But I need time right now." With that, Levi pushed the mad scientist out of his personal bubble and got up and left the room, assumedly to his private quarters.

Christa and Hange exchanged confused glances, then looked at the girl still cradled in former's arms. The child yawned, and shuffled around in her snug little cocoon to get more comfortable. A gentle sunbeam landed on Christa, some its light reflecting onto the baby's face and allowing Hange to see it clearly for the first time that day.

Realization slapped Hange in the face as she could finally remember one of the people the child reminded her of. "Hey, Christa, remember Petra? The pretty ginger on Levi's squad? The one he was engaged to?"

Christa nodded. "I hadn't known they were engaged, but continue, Hange."

Hange picked up the girl and held it very close to her face. The baby stared into into Hange's hazel eyes as Hange stared intensely back. Then, all of a sudden, she turned it around and held it uncomfortably close to Christa's face. "See those eyes? Those golden-amber eyes? They look almost exactly like Petra's."

Christa slowly leaned away from the baby, feeling rather awkward. "What are you saying? That Petra came back to life and had a child? She's been dead for nearly a month now. Even if she had come back, less than a month isn't nearly enough time to allow a baby to grow and develop, let alone appear to be as old as this one."

Hange leaned back and stood up straight, snuggling the baby close to her chest. Her glasses gleamed in the brightening room. "Well, I have a hypothesis…" she began.


	2. Hypothesis

**Word Count:** 2,179

* * *

"And that about sums it up," Hange finished. Sunbeams danced across the floor, indicating it was likely around eight in the morning. The other Recon Corps members would be waking up soon if they had not already.

"How are we going to tell everyone about this, though? I mean, you're right; we're too far from civilization for this to be a peasant child, not to mention the walls surrounding the castle wouldn't let anyone in in the first place, but really? A child born purely from love? Hange, I've heard about your wild ideas before, but this truly takes the cake," Christa said.

"Well, it is rather far-fetched," Hange admitted. "But look at the child. Black hair, slight curls. Black is a dominant trait in hair, trumping all other colors. Other than Mikasa, Levi is the only person we know whose hair is even close to black. However, the captain does not have curly hair, but Petra did, to some degree, not to mention babies tend to have curlier hair due to its fineness.

"Now look at her eyes. I stated before that they're pretty much Petra's, but if you look carefully, they're a bit too narrow to be exactly like Petra's. Also, notice how the eyes have more of a darkened honey color, instead of a simple light yellow-orange, like what Petra had. Eyes come in many shades, due to the many genes behind coloration in humans. The kid probably ended up with mostly Petra's recessive genes, but perhaps a mutation or one of Levi's dark-eye traits made it in as well."

Hange smiled and took the baby back into her arms. Holding the baby up to the light source, she let its hair float around its head like a halo. In the light, there was a clear orange tinge to the hair. Hange continued her proof.

"Now hair color is another complicated gene. I know I just discussed it, but it's still very compelling evidence. The genes for hair function similar to those of eye coloration in that it's governed by multiple genes and have many shades. Like with most things, darker hair colors dominate the lighter ones, so if I'm right, the child's black hair isn't a surprise. But, you can see that it still has Petra's orange hair gene in strong sunlight."

Christa carefully looked at the girl, and admitted to herself that Hange was right. "Well, I've never been too great at seeing resemblances between parents and children," she told Hange, getting up and taking the baby away from her.

Hange kicked back. "Don't worry, same here. I just used basic genetics. We'd have to take a paternity test on it to know for sure." She leaned over and pinched the baby's cheek, causing it to scrunch up its face in discomfort. Hange released the cheek and said, "It's too small to see any real, permanent resemblances anyhow. People's faces change a lot from babyhood, I'm sure you know."

"But you still haven't told me how this is going to be dealt with on the larger scale of the Corps itself. Who's going to tell everyone? Are we going to tell anyone? Just… _what_."

Hange leaned back, crossed her arms, and knowingly closed her eyes. "Information will be spooned out on a need-to-know basis. Besides, the Corps has raised kids before. Don't just assume your year is the first to have its crazy romances."

The tiny blonde's cheeks flushed red, and she looked like she would rather like to object to the statement that their romances were frequent and "crazy." But instead, she made her eyes light up as she if she had just remembered something when in fact she was merely changing the subject. "Are we going to name her? We can't get rid of it, and if we did give her away, wouldn't she need a name? And what if we kept it? We can't just refer to it as 'Turd' or whatever stupid nickname someone comes up with for the rest of its life."

"Her name is up to Levi. The letter was addressed solely to him so it would not be outlandish to assume that she is his. Therefore, he has first dibs on what to name her. There's not much we can do other than make her a birth certificate after he does so so that she legally exists. That's kind of important, you know."

The soft patter of bare feet walking on the cold stone floor of HQ faded in, followed by the sound of heavy sprinting as Ymir burst into the room, searching it with wild eyes. They located Christa quite quickly, for she had turned around to see what all the commotion was.

"CHRISTA!" Ymir screamed, and in an instant, Christa found herself being picked up, baby and all, and noogied so hard she was sure her skull would crack. However, over the course of their relationship, she had grown accustomed to these rough displays of affection, so she simply closed her eyes and relaxed, careful not to let Ymir accidentally smother the baby with her boob.

Eventually, Ymir calmed down enough to put Christa down, and it was at this time that she finally noticed the baby nestled snugly in her arms. "Daaaaamn, who fucked?" she bluntly asked, sounding mildly impressed for some reason.

Hange turned to face the girls. "No one fucked anyone, as far as we know, at least not in this branch. I'm pretty sure we'd know if someone got pregnant here anyways, but that little thing was left on our doorstep."

"Kind of cliché when you say it aloud like that, but seems true. Hange told me that she woke up at the crack of dawn for no apparent reason today, and when she stepped outside, she found the kid sleeping soundly in a basket. There was a letter addressed to Captain Levi hidden in the folds of the blanket, but that's all we really have right now," Christa explained, realizing a little too late that she had broken the whole " _information will be given out on a need-to-know basis"_ that Hange had told her about.

"Is that so?" Ymir grinned, crossing her arms in that strangely knowing way of hers. "Sounds like he had quite the fling last year, then, if this little shit showed up just today."

Christa decided to ignore that comment, looked beyond her girlfriend, and saw Jean standing, absolutely _exhausted,_ in the doorway.

"Breakfast is ready," he said, looking ready to pass out at any given moment. "Have… fun…" With that he dragged himself away in the direction of the boys' dormitories, likely to take a nap.

Ymir's face split into a grin as she swept Christa up in her arms and carried her (and by extension, the baby cradled in the latter's arms), bridal style, over to the kitchen, where they found the other cadets eating separately from everyone else in the dining hall. Special orders from Commander Erwin after there had been a bit of an incident involving Sasha. Pretty hush-hush stuff, but the end result was simply that they ate in the kitchen.

Ymir did not put Christa and the baby down, instead deciding to simply continue to carrying her as she acquired a frying pan to make herself and Christa toast.

"Uhh, Ymir? You can put me down now. I'm not even sure how you're even making toast properly as you carry me like this," Christa softly said.

Ymir compliantly put her down and gave her a gentle pat and kiss on her pretty, blonde head. Christa winced slightly, remembering the noogie she had been given just minutes earlier, but she sat down with the other cadets and let Ymir make her breakfast.

Exhaustion suddenly fell on Christa from being awake since dawn. Last night had been a restless one for her; she had found herself constantly waking up and falling into semi-consciousness before getting about an hour and a half of good but light sleep. After that, she'd been awakened by the cries of the baby.

The baby was growing heavy, and she found her eyelids were as well. Christa wanted to just lay her head on the table and conk out, but she knew if she did that, she'd likely smother or drop the baby.

Ah, but how powerful and convincing sleep was! It tugged at her exhausted, vulnerable mind until she at last gave in: with her last bit of waking strength, she gently laid the baby on the table and fell asleep where she sat.

Up until that point, no one had paid any mind to Ymir and Christa entering the room; everyone had instead chosen to focus on eating and chatting, except of course for Sasha, who ate like no tomorrow before joining in on the talking. However, the soft snores from Christa's direction made them finally notice the baby on the table, who seemed to be drifting off as well.

For a few moments, no one moved except for Ymir, who was buttering toast.

Sasha's spoon slipped from between her fingers and tinkled as it landed on the floor, yet still no one moved.

Fifteen seconds stretched out into eternity until at last, Ymir finished buttering the toast and turned towards the table, placing a plate of it next to Christa's face, then sitting down and beginning to ravenously attack the toast herself. After she swallowed the last bite of her first slice, she glared at her fellow cadets. "Well? What are _you_ guys looking at? Have you never seen a baby before or something? ?" she demanded.

Ymir's voice snapped everyone out of their trance. Armin was the first to speak up. "Well, of _course_ we've seen babies before, just not one here at HQ. Naturally, we would be surprised. Whose is it anyways?"

Christa's eyes fluttered back open, but her head did not leave the table. "She's Levi's kid… or something," she mumbled. She restlessly turned her head so that it faced the baby and closed her eyes. She weakly pawed at the table as if trying to pick it up or something, but it as it seemed, she fell asleep before she could really do anything.

" _Levi's kid? ?_ " Sasha yelled in the meantime. At that point, all the cadets began speaking at once, getting louder and louder in order for their voices to be heard above the commotion.

The baby, who'd been peacefully sleeping, suddenly woke and began whining, though it did nothing to Christa, most likely due to the fact that _some_ of her roommates tended to have terrible screamers of nightmares. In her sleep, the blonde pulled the baby closer until the blanket-towel-thing it was wrapped in was pressed up against her face.

Ymir took that as a cue to take the baby from Christa, since the last thing she wanted was for her to smother herself in a filthy baby blanket.

The child's whines and sniffles grew louder until it began to legitimately cry. Christa rather exasperatedly woke up again, her mind buzzing as though it were full of caffeine and groaning. It had been but an hour or two since she had been pretty much put in charge of the thing, and she had already grown tired of acting as its mother.

"HAAANGEEEEE," she yelled, frustration evident in her voice.

As though summoned, (which she admittedly was) Hange popped her head into the room. " _Yeees?"_ she sang.

"Take the baby back," Christa whined, voice muffled by the table on which she had pressed her face against.

Hange swept in and plucked the baby from Ymir's arms. "Of course, darling. Maybe _she_ will be interested in my studies, unlike _some_ people I can see in this room." When Hange said the word "some," she glared _very_ obviously at Eren. Mikasa stiffened, as though she might spring into action and attack the literal second-in-command of the Corps at any moment.

Hange lightened up as though she hadn't just death glared Eren, then waltzed out of the room.

They all watched her go before rather reluctantly returning to their meals. Ymir stuffed a piece of toast in her mouth. "I'd better get Christa back to her room. She's had a rough night," she said with toast clenched between her teeth, dry crumbs spraying out of her mouth as she spoke. She then glared at her fellow cadets, all of which looked very disgustedly at her for spraying the table with her filthy toast crumbs. "Don't _any_ of you steal the rest of my toast," she snarled just before she exited.

"Wasn't planning on it," one of them mumbled as she did so.

* * *

 ** _Revised Author's Note ii._** _i might have apologized for having hange ramble about genetics for like four paragraphs but now i do not apologize for art. genetics. so bootyful. damn. whose idea was it to tell me that i wasn't a shitty writer back when i first started this fic? i am a Disgust. anyway these revisions should only go up to maybe chapter ten or fifteen or so. idk. reviews are great. do whatever though._


	3. Blood and Breakfast

**Word Count:** 2,309

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The remaining cadets stared at the doorway. And who would ever blame them? After all, from what had just happened, it really looked as though Levi and Hange had just spontaneously had a kid and no one had bothered to tell them about it. Considering their dynamic, that alone should have been enough to put some people in shock.

"Do you guys _really_ think that Hange and Levi suddenly had a kid?" Connie suddenly said, asking the question that was quite clearly on everyone's minds. "I remember seeing the captain reading some letter and Hange holding that same kid sometime this morning. It's kinda hazy, but I'm pretty sure he told Jean and me to go clean the kitchen." He scrunched his nose, thinking. "Then I think I passed out."

"Well, if we think about this logically, no one here was pregnant, so that rules out anyone in the Corps," Armin replied.

"Dude, none of us would have ever thought it was someone in the Corps. It can't have been some man sleeping around, since Levi-Heichou doesn't read other people's mail or invade their privacy like that, and like you said: no one was pregnant," Sasha pointed out.

"But, the baby definitely wasn't a newborn, since it wasn't all wrinkly and red. Maybe someone _was_ pregnant and they just… left it here. Or something." He paused, then shook his head. "Nah, probably a foundling. The letter was probably addressed to the captain because he's the most iconic of all the soldiers. Everyone knows him. Not many people know all that much about the other veterans. So, yeah."

"How would the mother get all the way out here, though? The nearest village is two hours away _on horseback_ , and the walls surrounding the castle have but one gate, and it's guarded at night," Mikasa countered.

"Well, it's the most logical explanation I can think of right now. Do any of you have anything better to offer?" Armin replied.

A few seconds passed, and no one had argued.

"Maybe it just came out of nowhere," Eren blurted out.

Everyone turned and stared at him.

"I'm at least three percent sure that's not how babies are made, Eren," Armin said.

"That's not very sure."

"Fine, I'm absolutely positive that's now how babies are made because _we've seen pregnant women in Shiganshina, Eren_."

"Squad Leader Hange was talking about how titans are far too light for their weight and should be literally impossible, but you don't see _them_ ceasing to exist just because of that."

Everyone else sighed and turned back to their food.

They ate quietly. No one said anything until Levi entered the room, and everyone snapped to attention, saluting him.

"At ease, brats. I'm looking for that small brat. Did Hange take her?"

"Who, that baby Christa was cuddling earlier?" Sasha asked.

"Yes, _that_ baby," Levi snapped. "We need to make sure it legally exists. It didn't come with a birth certificate, and having a baby that doesn't legally exist means that we don't get more government funding to support it, which means less of everything for everyone."

"Whaaat? We're keeping it?" Connie asked, his mouth still full of food.

Levi glared at him, scowling disdainfully. "Springer, that's disgusting. And yes, we _are_ keeping her."

Many questions bubbled from the cadets' throats, but Levi would hear none of it. "Shut it. Tell me where the turd is, or I'll tell Commander Smith to put you all on latrine duty for the next two weeks on top of all your regular chores."

Mikasa raised her hand. "Hange took it to do science experiments with," she told him.

"Tch. Typical Hange. I'd better make sure she doesn't accidentally kill her, then," Levi said and turned to leave the room.

"Wait, Heichou!" Eren called, and all eyes were on him. Levi himself paused and glanced behind him. "Whose baby is it?" the cadet boldly asked.

"That doesn't matter right now," Levi very calmly (and quite coldly) answered, then left before anyone could stop him.

The cadets awkwardly returned to their breakfasts for the third time that morning as Ymir returned. No one said anything or even took note of her return. They simply ate as they were lost in thought.

* * *

Hange put the baby on her worktable so that she may around her dark and poorly lit laboratory cleaning syringes, sterilizing needles, preparing vials, so on and so forth. She had never done a paternity test before, but she'd read old medical books dozens of times before; she was confident in her abilities as a scientist. Even if her specialty lay far beyond that of pediatrics, it wasn't _that_ far beyond. Titans weren't that different from children, right?

Right.

She partially unwrapped the child so that she could wrap a piece of rubber around its arm to form a tourniquet. She wasn't sure why that was a required procedure, but she did it anyway. She pulled up her surgeon's mask and dabbed at the baby's upper arm with alcohol. Again, she wasn't sure why she needed to waste perfectly good whiskey on a baby, but it's what the fraying textbook said, and she wasn't about to take any risks.

She looked at the diagram in the textbook. It showed a hand wiping the underside of a child's elbow, not its upper arm. Oops.

Hange sighed and plugged the mouth of the whiskey bottle with another cotton ball, briefly swinging the bottle upside down to dampen the ball. She crouched down and was about to start dabbling it on the underside of the baby's elbow when the door slammed open.

"Hange. You are not doing science experiments on this kid," Levi firmly said from the doorway.

She paid his words no heed. "Ah, Levi. You're here. I can't seem to find your blood sample anywhere in our records, so now would be a good time to remedy that. Please sit in that seat there," she commanded, motioning to a dusty old seat near her worktable.

Levi scowled. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to do a paternity test on the kid to see if it's yours. I mean, you had this pretty suspicious gig going on with the letter being addressed to you, and I mean, _come on._ Simple genetics. She has traits that closely resemble phenotypes that are almost _exclusive_ to you. I'm not an idiot."

"But you _are_ crazy," he interjected, but it was ignored.

"With some luck, we can confirm the biological mother as well, assuming she's among our records."

"That chair is filthy and most likely so are your tools."

Hange stopped and looks offended, though it seemed about seventy percent serious and thirty percent mock. "Levi! I would _never_ stab a child with unsanitary equipment! That is _illegal_ and you know that. How _dare_ you think that," she said. Strangely, she didn't sound _too_ , too serious when she said that. She reverted to a straight face. "Now sit down so I can draw your blood, too. If it helps, I'll draw the kid's blood first so that you can clean up yourself and your area," she finished, finality in her tone.

Knowing better than to get in the way of Hange when her mind was set on knowledge, Levi sighed and dusted off the chair the best he could and watched Hange sanitize the baby's arm with… _God,_ was that their best whiskey? Where did she find that?

Whatever. He only knew he would miss that whiskey when the kid got old enough to walk and talk.

Thinking of her only as " _the kid"_ made Levi suddenly remember he hadn't picked out a name for her yet. Christa had told them it was a girl, but he couldn't think of any names that he liked at the moment. He was rubbish at coming up with names off the top of his head, so he ran through his memories, thinking of girls he knew in the past that he could name it after. He'd never really _known_ any aside from a select few, but the name that came up in his memory hit a flashback.

He stiffened as his first expedition began to play in his head.

He remembered riding away into the fog, alone. He remembered screams and the feeling of nausea and panic together as he worried for the lives of his friends. He did nothing about it then, for he thought he had more important things to do, but the part of him in his head was screaming a loud " _no!"_

His stomach twisted as it came to the worst part. A soldier, bleeding to death near a tree. Croaking at him to kill them. He remembered the head of the lively girl he and his friend had taken in, laying on the floor, fear and shock emblazoned on her face, the dark, drying blood coming to match the same shade of red her hair was.

Levi tensed further, but couldn't stop the memory. He saw the upper body of his dear friend Farlan, eyes glassy and mouth agape, bleeding out onto the grass as an abnormal titan gnawed almost _lazily_ on the lower half.

The rest was a blur. Levi eased as the memory faded away, and he became aware of his surroundings. The first thing he saw was Hange's face, and he flinched slightly.

"Ah, you're back. You were off in your own world for a few moments there. I'm almost done collecting your daughter's blood. Don't worry about it. I know _exactly_ what I'm doing," she told him as she got out of his personal bubble. "This is a strangely cooperative baby you have here, Rivaille."

He cringed at her calling " _Rivaille"_ because it was the false last name they had given the government when he had first joined, for they knew not his true last name, but he remained silent and it went unnoticed as Hange rambled on.

"She hardly flinched when I put the needle in. And yet, she couldn't stand falling a few centimeters when I tossed her this morning. She's an odd one, all right." Hange checked on the baby and saw that the vial of her blood was nearly full. "Oh! I should get that," she said and swiftly removed the needle, undid the tourniquet, and plugged the wound with cotton and medical tape. She then patted her very gently on the head, careful not to cause her harm via the soft spot on her head. "All done."

Hange turned to Levi and picked up a different needle and tube. "Your turn." She grinned. She replaced the rubber strip on Levi's arm as he rather reluctantly held it out and dabbled a few more drops of whiskey on the underside of his elbow. She then swiftly stabbed him in a vein and let the blood flow into a vial attached to the other end of the tube. Then, she sat back in wait.

"Have you thought of a name for her yet? She can't just go around without a proper name, you know. Plus, then we'd _never_ get those government forms filled out," she said.

"I gave it some thought," he slowly said. "But all I could think of was a little girl who thought of me as her big brother. Her name was Isabel."

Hange remembered. She'd been there. She could tell he was about to go all mushy flashback on her, but it was so rare that Levi opened up to anyone that she decided not to tell him that she already knew exactly what happened.

"She died on our first expedition. All that was left of her was her head." He stared off into space. "I don't want to name a child after someone I can't remember without their screams echoing throughout my mind." They both fell silent because his emo-bomb left them both feeling _pretty awkward._

"I'm surprised it hasn't shit the blanket yet," Hange commented, changing the subject. "It's not wearing a diaper beneath that blanket, you know." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Or maybe it has, and we just haven't been able to smell it yet." She gently removed the needle from his vein and slapped a cotton ball and medical tape on the puncture wound.

Levi reached for the baby he might as well accept was most probably his daughter and held her for the first time. Strange. He'd known he'd had a kid for about four and a half hours, and yet he hadn't held her until then. She smiled up at him, reaching for his face with her small baby arms. For the first time in forever, Levi smiled. But just slightly.

"Are you going to name her or not?" Hange asked.

Levi knew he sucked at naming kids. "You can name her," he decided, getting up. He handed his daughter and the authority to name her over to Hange, and he left the room.

Hange tucked the girl into the crook of her arm as she stoppered the vial that held Levi's blood before most carefully labeling it in her illegible (to everyone but her assistant Moblit) handwriting. She placed it in a beaker holder with the much smaller vial of the baby's blood. Then, holding the baby in two arms, she lifted her up towards the dim light fixture again.

"Well, this should be fun," Hange said to herself.

* * *

 ** _Revised Author's Note iii._** _hah i remember when i spent three days researching goats and money for this. good times. still messed up at one point lol. i_

 _was a lot..._ harsher... _when i first began writing fanfic. looking back on it, the trigger thing i can still feel is very raw and emotional, but i still remember it was because drew on my own experiences with bad experiences, of which i still hadn't really... overcome yet. of course, it's been a while since then and of course i develop with the characters. i changed up the scene just a bit, but that was mostly for comprehension's sake. as i guess a bit of an... homage, i guess, to who i used to be, i left it in more or less the same state it had originally been in._

 _anyway. hope you enjoyed! ! leave a review if you wish (i sure wish lmao), and as always, have a greaaaat daaaay~~_


	4. Bath

**Word Count:** 1,879

* * *

Levi made a mental note to never leave the responsibility of naming a child to Hange ever again. He hoped that there would ever be an opportunity to even give her that kind of power, but he was also in charge of a bunch of hormonal brats. Who knew what might happen with those kinds of disgustingly blatant pheromones floating around.

(He made a mental note to make anti-fraternization rules among his subordinates later.)

"You named her _what?_ " he demanded, probably for the third time in a row.

And for the third time in response, Hange grinned and replied, "Lillian Elizabeth Rivaille. I liked the alliteration of 'Levi and Lillian,' and Elizabeth was the name of one of my childhood friends."

"But– It's just–" He struggled to voice his displeasure at the use of "Rivaille" as the baby's last name. Sure, he had no idea what his _real_ last name was, but something inside him still hated the false one he'd lived with all his life anyway.

"I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you naming her 'Isabel'," Hange said, "would lead to more feelings of anguish and potentially bubble into regret after a while. And besides, you _did_ give me full naming rights. No buts or ifs about it."

He had been quite thoroughly defeated. "Tch," he said, at an utter lack of words. Hange offered him the baby to hold, and he rather clumsily took her as he said, "Did you at least finish the paternity test?"

She shook her head. "No. It takes several days to finish, even if you do know what you're doing. Which I assure you I do. Anyway, you'll know the truth in about three to five days, give or take, although I suspect you already do know it."

Levi sighed, choosing to ignore her, then smelled the blanket that was wrapped around Lillian before instantly recoiling out of disgust. "Four-eyes, she _stinks_ ," he snapped. "Are you sure she hasn't soiled herself since she came?"

She crossed her arms and looked at him, amused. "Well, I didn't think about that, _Levi._ But it would make sense, she's a baby." She leaned in to take a closer look and pinched Lillian's cheek. "But since I _highly_ doubt she's newborn, she might not poop all week. Why do you ask?"

He glared very pointedly at her. "Hange, have you _smelled_ what she's wrapped in? It's _disgusting._ "

She briefly took the baby back and sharply inhaled the scent of the blanket. "Ah, yes. The sweet scent of soiled children," she said, completely unfazed. "You should clean her." She handed Lillian back to Levi. She then turned to go outside to train. After all, she had to be in peak physical condition in order to control any titans Erwin might someday allow her to own again, and it was simply good practice to practice anyway.

"What?" Levi sputtered. Although it was a perfectly mundane and reasonable thing to ask, he had still been caught off guard.

Hange didn't even stop. "She's your responsibility, since it was you the letter was addressed to, and you have a cleaning fetish. Of course you would be the one to clean her. You're probably the only one who knows, or could figure out how, considering the fact that there is literally no one alive in this branch who had previously done it."

"I do _not_ have a cleaning fetish. I do not have _any_ fetishes," Levi snapped after her. "I am asexual."

"Of course, Chibi-chan. A poor joke of mine, as usual. Have fun," she replied as she stepped outside.

Not even bothering to snap back at her for the _insolent_ nickname of "Chibi-chan," Levi held Lillian out at arm's length so as not to smell her shit fumes. "This is going to be just peachy."

* * *

Bathing Lillian turned out to be rather difficult. Sure, the proper supplies _were_ sooort of lying around headquarters (they were on a shelf in the storage room/basement where he had liked to hang out with his squad before their passing). But the fact that the castle had been uninhabited for a decade combined with low overall survival rate of Corps soldiers, it had been quite the period of time since anyone in the Corps had cared for any children of their own.

Fortunately, cleaning products seemed to never expire, and that was a fact Levi had always taken great joy in. Sure, the shampoo felt a bit off (and perhaps a bit lumpy) beneath his fingers as he gently rubbed it into the hardly-haired head, but it was the only baby-safe stuff he could find that hadn't congealed into some sort of gross, waxy lump.

Yet despite it all, cleaning Lillian wasn't as difficult a task as Levi had anticipated, though it was still a challenge. It was probably due to his instinct to keep everything spotless and the fact that he _would_ have forcibly bathed Hange once a week if Erwin hadn't made him stop (and hadn't made Hange start taking her own showers) ) that it wasn't as hard as it could've been.

Lillian was also a lot calmer than he'd expected her to be. Granted, she appeared to be an overall quiet and gentle baby, but Levi still expected her to put up _some_ fuss when he unwrapped the blanket and plopped her in the kitchen sink.

(She did not.)

That Jean kid had done a good job cleaning it that morning, and he had cleaned it again since breakfast, it was certainly clean enough to scrub the child he had come to accept was most likely his own flesh and blood in.

Levi expressionlessly rinsed out Lillian's hair as cadets Braus and Springer snuck into the kitchen, ransacking it of all the potatoes it held. He knew they were there; he could sense their excitement and hear their muffled snickers.

"Hi, Heichou! Bye, Heichou!" Sasha called as she and Connie began to dart towards the exit, as prideful and dickish as Odysseus taunting the blinded Polyphemus. He chose to ignore them; someone else would catch them within thirty seconds of their exit.

Connie skidded to a stop as he looked over Levi's shoulder, with some difficulty. He then began to grin. "It's acting much better than several hours ago. I didn't know you had a way with kids, Heichou," he said.

( _Well, I've got to be if I'm to deal with imbeciles like you on my squad,_ he thought.)

Sasha also poked her head over Levi's shoulder as he made sure that Lillian was absolutely clean. "How long have you been cleaning her?" she asked. "She's getting prune skinned."

"Sasha's right, she _is_ getting sorta pruny. Aren't you only supposed to wash babies for about five or ten minutes?"

They had never been the most polite and respectful of subordinates. It really showed how childish they were.

Levi refused to dignify their questions with a proper answer, instead choosing to rinse the soap off of Lillian. "Why don't you put those potatoes back and mind your own beeswax?" he very calmly stated as he began to drain the sink.

The color drained from the duo's faces. "Crap," they said in unison. They'd been so caught up in pestering their captain that they forgotten that they were trying to swipe food.

"Or else I'm simply going to have to report you to the commander for both insubordination and theft," he continued, pulling the plug from the sink to allow all the soapy bath water to drain away.

Sighing, the duo began to slowly replace all the potatoes to their rightful places in the pantry.

"But don't think you're getting off so easy. Braus, go track down some cloth diapers. Springer, do the breakfast dishes," he said as wrung out a sponge and began to pat his daughter down with it. Lillian responded by looking directly up at him for the first time, gurgling and smiling.

Sasha sighed, putting away the last of the potatoes before she poked over to the sink, just to see Lillian up close, and booped her very gently on the nose. "She's making noises other than crying and whining. And smiling while awake," she commented. "Connie's right, you do seem to have a way with kids." Sasha gently poked Lillian's nose again and ran off in search of diapers before their captain could scold her again.

Connie dragged himself over to the table where he and his friends ate and began to pile up the larger dirty plates into one stack. "Hey, Heichou? What'd you name the kid? Is she really yours?" he asked as he placed them gently on the counter beside the sink.

Levi tossed the sponge back into the sink and looked for a clean-smelling towel to dry his daughter with more thoroughly. He didn't respond.

"Hellooo? You there, sir?" Connie sang as he cleared the smaller dirty plates from the dining table. "What'd you name the kid?"

Levi sighed. He really ought to discipline the cadet for speaking so informally to him, but at the same time, he was just a kid. Assuming he survived, there would be plenty more chances to groom his subordinates into more respectful soldiers. "I made the awful mistake of letting Hange name her," he finally replied, searching through the clean towels, carrying around his naked daughter as though it were an everyday occurrence.

Connie's eyes widened in shock and he would've dropped whatever dishware he was holding if he hadn't just placed it on the counter. " _Why would you do that?_ " he whispered.

"I suck at naming kids," Levi said, carefully drying Lillian and wrapping her in the towel. Where was Sasha with those diapers? It couldn't've been too hard to track some down.

"Well, what'd Hange name her?" Connie impatiently asked.

Levi sighed, hanging his head slightly. "Lillian Elizabeth Rivaille."

Connie relaxed and began to continue clearing the table. "It could be worse. I mean, she came up with the names _Sawney_ and _Bean_. She could've named Lily something like, oh, I don't know, Dunce."

At that moment, Sasha burst back into the room, clutching a few clean cloth diapers. "What's a Dunce?" she panted, leaning against the doorframe.

"It's the kid's legal name," Connie joked, and Sasha's jaw dropped. She turned to Levi for confirmation.

"Her name is Lillian, you brats. Get back to the dishes, Springer, unless you want to help Braus here run laps until the cows come home."

"But Heichou, we don't have any cows!" Sasha cried as Connie immediately went back to work.

"Exactly my point, Braus. Go run those laps around the castle grounds. _Now_ ," Levi said as he diapered Lillian.

Sasha scrambled away, grumbling something that Levi couldn't catch. Not that it particularly mattered in the end. With authority always came at least a little bit of resentment.

* * *

 ** _Revised Author's Note iv._** _can you believe i upped the word count for this chapter by like seven hundred words? amazing. this is also where i remind you that the canon events have been slowed down for plot convenience. i have no idea how i'm going to handle the current time skips in the manga lol. we'll see eventually. you guys are in for the rather long haul after all. anyway reviews are nice but if you're not up to it, i would like to bid you a good day. or just a day. yeah!_


	5. Goats I

**Word Count:** 2,911

* * *

A few days passed, all of which were drearily uneventful. Levi talked to Erwin about keeping Lillian. Though he hated to admit it, he had a soft spot for children, particularly those orphaned or abandoned. There were no objections, seeing as Levi was a responsible adult, and so he took a trip to the nearest government building and registered Lillian, making her a legally existing being on May 23, 850.

Everything they would need (and perhaps a little more) was rounded up from the various storage areas of the castle; however, after an inspection, it was found that there was a hefty percentage of the items that were useless after years of gathering dust.

In the end, they made do with what they had. Lillian slept snuggled in a nest of sheets and blankets from Levi's bunk, (it wasn't as though he really slept there anyway) dressed in old, faded clothes.

Being able to clothe her was great and all, but feeding her was a totally different story. Hange had assessed Lillian the day blood had been withdrawn and judged her to be around three months old, and it was decided she was overall a very healthy baby.

However, she wasn't nearly old enough to begin solid foods, and would still be dependent on breast milk or a close substitute. None of the women could provide, for obvious reasons, but cow's milk was out of the question, for as the days crawled by, she grew sick on a diet based off it. Cow's milk was expensive anyway.

Levi ended up having to feed Lillian a weak mix of some (by _some_ miracle) not-expired formula and water as Hange and Armin hit the books, vigorously researching better breast milk substitutes, for what they had found was in very limited supply, enough to last them perhaps four days at most.

It was on the fourth day of having Lillian around that Levi noticed she wasn't acting the same, also noting she had difficulty falling asleep, though he credited that more to genetics, as he himself only got two to three hours of sleep a night due to insomnia. However, she moved and smiled less compared to the first day. Concerned, he checked her temperature.

 _37.4_ , read the thermometer, and Levi frowned slightly. It was within normal range for a baby, yes, but something still seemed concerning, though he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

In that moment, Armin burst into the room, his wild eyes searching the room with a concerning desperation, scattering paper everywhere as he clutched a tattered and ancient collection of pages. "Captain! I have finally found something of use!" he said breathlessly.

Levi turned around and cocked an eyebrow, prompting him to continue.

"Aside from the infant formula we found, the best substitute for human breast milk is goat's milk," Armin explained, cutting to the chase. "Not that I think it's a good idea to be feeding her near-expired powder, but definitely not cow's milk since it doesn't have the right levels of nutrients, which would read to malnutrition. But, according to our research, goat's milk is extremely close to human breast milk on a molecular level, is easier to digest, and can even prevent diseases such as tuberculosis because I guess it's common for goats to have those antigens or something. The only problem is that we can only use it for a few weeks before she becomes deficient in other areas. She'd eventually develop anemia from lack of iron, and her bones would probably be permanently weaker from the lack of Vitamin D–"

Levi held up a hand, effectively cutting him off. "If we need a fucking nanny goat, then we'll get a fucking nanny goat. Four-eyes says we should be able to wean Lillian off of milk in a minimum of six weeks."

"That's _really_ early, sir–"

"If she needs vitamins, we'll find some. This isn't the medieval era, Arlert: _vitamins exist."_

Armin curtly nodded in response. Levi continued speaking:

"You and your shitty little friends cadets Jaeger and Ackerman can go to the market and find a goat. Alive would be nice. Don't bring back more than one, and do _not_ disappoint me, Arlert. Hange's told me great things about your work ethic."

Armin merely saluted, then left.

* * *

"How hard could this possibly be, Armin?" Eren laughed as he, Armin, and Mikasa rode out of the woods where the corps' headquarters was hidden.

"Eren, if you keep talking while riding your horse like that, you're going to bite your tongue off," Mikasa said quietly. She was ignored, of course, but he had seen enough examples of Auruo's bloody mishaps to know better anyway.

"This could be very hard, Eren! We need to find a healthy nanny goat that's pregnant or nursing, of gentle temperament, not to mention cheap! Then, we'll have to get it food and bedding, a way to keep it and its potential kid in one spot, grooming tools– well, I suppose we could just use whatever the fuck we have with horses– but still, who knows what else! You think there's just some goat care shop at the market or something?" Armin loudly replied, also ignoring the unfortunate Mikasa.

Eren only laughed, spurring his horse on, forcing Armin and Mikasa to urge their horses in order to keep up. They scolded him for his carelessness, but tensions between friends are hard to keep: they forgave him.

Soon, they burst out of the forest into a vast field. Just a few weeks ago, it had been only knee-high grass. Now, splashes of color could be seen everywhere as the wildflowers bloomed like mad, releasing their sweet, delicate scents into the atmosphere as a gentle breeze to blow, carrying their fragrances to the wind.

The trio allowed their horses to slow to a walk as they meandered through the meadow. They'd been seeing a lot of death as of late, with the previous expedition to capture the Female Titan having gone horribly awry, and it made them forget about some of the finer things in life, like a breath of fresh air, or the beauty of a flower. An old, childlike wonder filled their eyes and lightened their hearts for the first time in forever as they allowed the horses to lazily walk the well-worn, packed dirt path through the meadow.

Mikasa idly leaned over and picked a tall, orange lily with black flecks, careful to hold tight to her saddle so that she would not fall off. She fiddled with the stem for a few moments, stripping it of its leaves, then tucked the flower behind her ear on a whim. The simple action filled her with a gaiety so that, with a contented smile, she urged her horse to change to a canter. Eren and Armin noticed her speeding up and in turn urged their own horses to match hers.

It had been a long time since any of them had felt so carefree, so full of childlike innocence and happiness.

Eventually, the sunny meadow came to an end, and the trio slowed down again, now travelling a downhill path that followed a stream. After they diverged from stream, the road became smoother, more maintained, eventually becoming a cracked brick road.

As the small town neared, the friends dismounted their horses, leading them on by foot before tying them securely to a tree not too far from the outskirts, (but not close enough so that any random passerby would see them) for they knew if they brought them into the town, the folk living there might grow hostile. The Recon Corps was not a popular branch anywhere in the walls, and they had removed their uniform jackets for a reason.

They then made their way to the center of the town, where a lively market was located.

Corps headquarters was quite a ways away from any settlements, to prevent anyone from discovering Eren's titan shifting abilities. And while they did need to get their supply shipments from somewhere, they were far more often delivered in the dead of night by some poor soul in the Garrison than picked up at the market. At the moment, they might as well be in titan territory, so lightly they must tread their steps and words.

Armin led the way through the marketplace, keeping tabs on Eren so that he wouldn't get distracted and wander off. Mikasa simply followed and said nothing, though a shared glance told him she was also keeping a careful eye on their friend.

As it turned out, there was exactly one (rather seedy-looking) goatherd in the market, and he had four goats for sale. Two of them were black wethers, which they ignored. (What use would they have for male goats? A real waste of money, although Sasha could never know for the fact that she would want to eat them if given the chance.) There was a shaggy doe whose fur might have been white at some point, but due to all the dust and dirt in her coat, it was impossible to tell. She seemed content to just sit on the floor in a corner of the pen and chew her cud. Finally, there was a small tan kid, who appeared to be perhaps a year old; however, it appeared unrelated to the nanny, as when it bleated, she did not respond.

"How old is the female? Why are you selling her?" Armin asked the herder, trying his best to put on an aggressive facade.

Meanwhile, Eren had climbed over the fence into the goats' pen, Mikasa in tow, to inspect the creatures. The wethers repeatedly butted them in the legs, really putting to the test their resilience towards Newton's third law; the nanny did nothing but stare into space, and the yearling seemed quite shy, constantly backing away from the two to the point where it was cornered.

"That nanny is over six years old, kid. She got a bad leg few weeks back, so she can't keep up with the herd," the herder drawled as Eren lunged for the goatling. "Can't keep her; she'd get ea'en real fast, but she'd fetch a fair bit of money, bein' a doe an' all." The herder grinned, revealing his stained, crooked teeth. Instinctively, Armin backed away.

The kid began screaming in the background, its voice uncomfortably harsh and throaty, and from the corner of his eye, Armin could see his green-eyed friend grit his teeth as he struggled to hold onto the thrashing creature. He was watching Mikasa try to calm it down when the herder, somehow completely ignorant to the scene going on behind him, stepped into his field of vision, blocking the view.

"Whaddya say I give ya the doe fer hmm.… fifteh sils?" The goatherd leaned uncomfortably close to Armin's face, his accent becoming clearer as he spoke. The blond boy couldn't think over the horrifying _reek_ of the man's breath, and it was only through the good manners that his grandfather had drilled so well into his head that he didn't gag instantly.

Armin pushed the man away from his face, still trying not to breathe in. "Isn't fifty a bit much, sir?" he choked out. In the background, he could hear the screams of the goatling fading away, but he couldn't tell if that meant the goat was dying or calming down, and at this point he was in no position to contemplate it.

The goatherd threw his head back in response and laughed heartily. "Fifteh sils ain't much for a nanny goat o' breedable age, sonny. Take it 'er leave it."

Armin gulped and thought about the problem. Fifty sils was a lot of money. The gears in Armin's head whirred like mad as he tried to think of a way to cheat the man. As that happened, the blond's eyes slowly turned to where his friends were and saw the yearling, _finally_ calmed, sitting in Eren's arms, decidedly _not_ screaming. Something clicked in his head, and Armin instantly said, "We'll take it."

The herder threw his head back and laughed again. "Good choice, lad. Pay up, now," he said, holding a calloused hand out, ready to snatch any money that was handed to him.

Armin noticed his friends' eyes on him as he reached for the wallet nestled deep in his jacket pocket. They locked eyes with him, and a moment of understanding passed through them all.

Mikasa drew a knife from her pocket and silently cut a lengthy piece of rope from a pile that was lying in the corner. Eren shushed the goatling as she gently tied the rope around its neck, then put it on the ground. She then tied the other end of the rope into a secure loop, transforming it into a leash, and held it tightly. Eren then jumped the fence as silently as he could and held out his arms. Mikasa carefully began passing the goatling, when it began to panic, beginning to struggle in her arms.

Thinking fast, Mikasa removed the lily from her hair and held it in front of the animal, coaxing it to take the offering. Tentatively, the kid took the flower and soon began to contentedly chew. Mikasa breathed a quiet sigh of relief as she handed the now calm goat over the fence into Eren's arms before climbing over herself.

All the while, Armin pretended to play on an old but persistent stereotype of being a "dumb blond," slowly counting out his coins, then pretending to lose count every third sil. He threw a furtive glance over to where his friends were, just catching the end of an " _okay"_ signal from Eren. Almost magically, Armin cut the act and counted out exactly fifty sils about as close to instantaneously as one could get. The goatherd gawked at the money now lying in front of him as Armin excused himself from the table where they were making their dealings.

He carefully approached the nanny goat, allowing her to smell his hand first. When he felt that the doe trusted him enough, he bent down and picked it up, finding her far lighter than he anticipated. Perhaps it was because military training was nothing to sneeze at, or perhaps because she was undernourished. Whichever it was, he simply said, "Thanks for the goat, sir!" as the herder ogled at the sils sitting on the table.

The moment his back was turned, Armin broke into a sloppy run, trying to catch up with his friends, who were already sprinting away with the goatling. Adrenaline pumped through him, and he carried the goat far longer than anyone could ever have expected of him, the token weak nerd of their year.

Eventually, the three made it back to the outskirts of town where their horses were still tied. Now exhausted, Armin fell to his knees, out of breath as he dumped the nanny goat on the grass and stretched as Eren let the yearling prance out of his arms, coincidentally also kicking him in the gut. Mikasa leaned against a tree, looking mentally exhausted.

"Well, we did it. We stole a goat. Tell me though: why _did_ we steal a second goat?" Eren asked Armin somewhat breathlessly.

Armin opened his mouth to explain, but when he couldn't think of any legitimate reason, he promptly shut it again. "I… actually have _no_ idea," he admitted. "But it should be good for the doe. Goats are generally social creatures, so it would have been a pain in the ass to hear her bleating out of loneliness day in and day out, and fifty sils for just this old nag is outrageous. He probably would've charged us just as much for the goatling anyway. Considering the condition the nanny's in, since he's selling it, I'm betting it's disabled in some form or another, so that would've been another unfair deal." His eyes brightened. "I suppose we just did it so that we could con a con artist."

Eren seemed satisfied with that answer and began petting the goatling.

Mikasa wasn't as easily contented, however. "What do you think Heichou will do when he finds out we're bringing home _two_ goats instead of one?" she pointed out.

Armin froze, his mind flashing back to just before he left Levi's office: _Don't bring back more than one, and do not disappoint me, Arlert._ "Shit," he cursed before shrugging it off. "It's all right. We can cross that bridge when we get to it. When have I ever bailed on us in a pinch?"

"Never," Mikasa said, but she still shook her head with worry as Eren mounted his horse and had Armin pass him the nanny.

"Well? Let's go," he said. "I can't do this forever, you know," he continued as he balanced precariously on his horse's back.

In response, Mikasa picked up the goatling and managed to mount her horse; once Armin was ready, the friends began riding back to headquarters, mentally bracing themselves for the punishment to come.

* * *

 ** _Revised Author's Note v._** _you know, i was so much funnier back when i first started writing. i wonder what happened to me. why am i not funny. also wow i didn't do mikasa justice when i first started writing. not that i'm saying i do her justice now i just feel like i used to neglect her. but if there's one thing i like about the goats arc it's that it focuses on ema as a trio rather than pairing them off with other people. i don't do that often, unfortunately. anyway thanks for reading! reviews are nice, if that's what you're into, and as always, have a greaaat daaay~_


	6. Fools 2016

**_Author's Note viii._** _Happy April Fool's day! Unless you're in Hawaii... then HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY IN THREE HOURS, WOO! ANYWAYS, I **swear** I wasn't on any drugs as I wrote this chapter... Actually, I'm on drugs when I write the regular chapters; I, the writer, have ADHD. So anyways, my friend Ramses actually told me he shipped Levi and Pixis, so that's where some of this fic came from. Because there's just not enough Levi/Pixis fanfiction on this site. Also, since this is April Fool's day and crack, regular writing rules don't apply! Yay! The next chapter is coming out on Sunday, so until then, this is LunaBloom, signing out~_

 **Word Count:** 1,000

* * *

Meanwhile, Levi secretly packed his bags for an overnight stay within Wall Sina. He then 3DMG'd his way onto his too-tall horse and rode far, far, away, to the train station.

He then hopped onto the midnight train and said, "take me anywhere."

But of course, when he was dropped off in Shiganshina at Brat Jaeger's basement, he beat up the conductor, screaming,

"TAKE MEH TO COMMANDER PIXIS'S DOORSTEP, OR I'LL HAVE A TITAN EAT YOUR BRAINS!"

Now, of course, they were in titan territory, so a titan waddled along and did just that.

"Ah, shit," Levi said, slaying 5,000 titans all at once. "Now what?"

Just then, Sasha flew by on a unicorn. It was pink and fluffy, and it left a rainbow trail behind it.

"Disgusting," Levi said as he watched Connie prance after her, dressed up like a knight in sparkling armor. "He didn't even make the armor shine, it's just ridiculously pink and glittery."

"HEY HEICHOU, NEED A RIDE?" Sasha yelled from her magical position.

"Fuck you!" Levi called back.

"Hey! That's my job!" Connie yelled, jumping off the rainbow and flying at Heichou at the speed of fabulous.

"Fuck this shit, I'm out," the short man grumbled, reaching into his pocket and drawing out Auruo's ashes mixed with glitter and throwing it at his feet. He then vanished with a thoroughly magical poof.

He reappeared in the forest, and a gentle breeze blew ash and glitter in his face.

"Tch, this'll take forever to clean out," he grumbled. Then he looked up to see Eren and Armin making out with goats, and Mikasa glaring at them every time they stopped.

"What the actual fuck?" Levi screamed, but the boys didn't respond.

Mikasa turned to him, though. "Wtf do you want, shortie?"

"Wtf are you DOING?"

"They have to pretend they're sheep, or else the big, bad, wolf'll get them."

"SHEEP DON'T MAKE OUT."

"These are goats, Heichou."

"GOATS DON'T MAKE OUT EITHER."

"Hey, Mikasa, can we stop now?"

"Yeah, my lips are getting tired. Can I kiss you instead?"

"You were kissing a goat with those lips not two minutes ago."

"Weren't you, too?"

"No, that was Armin."

"Wait, but if you're not Armin, then who's talking?"

"Arrgh, ah'll be nee'n yer sils now."

"Is that a pirate?"

"No, that was my pirate impression."

"HEICHOU, DO YOU NEED A RIDE?"

"Holy shit, is that a unicorn?"

"Is she leading an army of sentient gnomes behind her on a unicorn?"

"No, that's just a bunch of Connie clones."

"Respect, man. Respect."

"Fuck this shit, I'm out again." Levi pulled more glitter and ashes and poofed himself away.

This time, he ended up in the bedroom of Commander Pixis.

"Pixis, m'love, I have come!"

Pixis entered the room, naked. "Oh yes, Levi how wonderful, but I'm afraid I'll have to flake this time. A girl leading an army of sentient gnomes and eating three sacks of potatoes a second came in and offered me a ride to you on her amazing fluffy unicorn, so obviously who could refuse?"

Just then, Petra burst in and saw naked old Pixis and Levi just staring at naked old Pixis and screamed, "Levi, are you cheating on me?!"

Levi looked mildly surprised. "Well, I have a newly found old man fetish, so I guess so."

Pixis looked panickedly from Petra to Levi and back again. "Well, this is awkward. Levi, I've been cheating on YOU with Petra!"

Levi gasped. "But we just started cheating two minutes ago!"

"Uh, hello? Isn't anyone going to ask why I'm not dead?" Petra yelled.

"No," Pixis and Levi simultaneously said.

"Well, too bad!" She said, and pulled her face off, revealing one of a much older man. "Because I'm secretly Petra's father, and I've been cheating on half the town and Pixis with Levi! How's your old man fetish now, Lei?"

"Hm…" Levi pondered, then decided Petra's dad was a creepy old stalker.

"Let's go Pixis, this is getting weird," he decided, and began tugging on his hand.

But Pixis looked torn. "But I love both of you! Can't we just have a gay, middle aged man threesome?"

"No! That's gross!" Levi and Mr. Ral cried out in disgust. "Just choose one!"

Suddenly, a goopy green portal opened up in the middle of the room, and a Pixis stepped out.

"Ah, Pixis, you have been summoned to stand before the council of Pixises for heresy," he said.

"Shit. Levi, let's go," naked Pixis said, grabbing Levi's forearm and a titan blade, cutting through the fabric of space-time to create his own portal.

"Wait, whAT?"

"Don't question iiiitttTTTT," Pixis screamed as he pulled the two of them through a portal.

"IS ANY OF THIS CANON?" Levi screamed as they travelled through hyperspace.

"WHAT? I'M SORRY, I CAN'T SEE YOU LEVI, WE'RE IN HYPERSPACE."

"IS ANY OF THIS CANON TO THE FANFICTION?"

"CANON? NO, OF COURSE NOT!" Pixis yelled and then they tumbled out into a magical field full of sunshine, butterflies, and tiny frolicking alicorns.

"Wtf was all that, Pixis?" LEvi demanded. "Why are there clones of you?"

"Okay Levi, I'm going to have to ask you to do something," Pixis replied, but before he could continue, the tiny frolicking alicorns began to speak.

"Ha, ha, Jean you have a human's face!" A brown one squeaked.

"I do not!" A sandy blond one replied. Levi looked carefully at them, but he couldn't help but agree with the brown one.

"Levi! I'm going to need you to take a tiny alicorn," Pixis snapped, and Levi gave him an annoyed look.

"You w0t, m8?" He said, then Pixis continued.

"I'm going to need you to take a tiny alicorn, and shove it up your ass."

"WHAT"

"You'll need to shove it way, way, up there too," he continued. The tiny alicorns flittered off, suddenly very scared of the humans.

Just then, an enormous titan that looked suspiciously like Hange ran in and ate Pixis. And then Levi


	7. Goats II

**Word Count:** 2,234

* * *

Hange burst into Levi's office, waving a sheaf of paper over her head. "Levi! I've finally finished the genetic test on Lillian! Do you want the news to be delivered dramatically, or dramatically?" she asked him.

Levi didn't look up, choosing instead to focus on some routine paperwork. "I'd prefer you just give me the results without any drama, Four-Eyes."

But it was too late, Hange had already leaned against the wall in the most obnoxiously exaggerated way, announcing the results as dramatically as humanly possible. "Levi… _you are the father!_ "

Levi rolled his eyes. "The letter told me more."

"Well, this proves you're biologically related to Lillian. I also took some liberties and tested for her mother too. She's related to Petra as well," Hange said and sat on the armrest of Levi's chair.

"Lovely. Are you done here?"

"Well, I'd rather like to know what that letter said, _Heichou_." She said the last word very teasingly, knowing full well she was of a higher ranking than he. "I need more ideas in order to create a good hypothesis on how this all came about."

"Not right now. Get off my chair."

"Then _when?_ Are you ever going to show anyone else that letter? What about Lillian? Don't you think she needs to know what it says when she's older?" Hange asked each question rapidly, not giving Levi any time to respond.

"She'll find out someday," Levi growled and began to forcefully push Hange off his chair.

"But _when_?" Hange inquired, digging her heels into the floor so that she wouldn't get pushed off and bearing with the pain of his sharp elbows digging into the small of her back.

Levi got out of his chair and began to push at the stubborn Hange with a frightening amount of force. "None. Of. Your. _Business."_

Hange suddenly stopped trying, and Levi, surprised at the sudden lack of resistance, fell to the floor as she nimbly stepped away.

"Fine then," she snapped, then glanced at Lillian, who was sleeping. "But you'd better hope those cadets find a nanny goat quickly. Lil's been sleeping an awful lot lately, and she's showing early signs of malnourishment. If you don't get a reliable source of food after this formula runs out, she's going to die. She can't live on on a chameleon's dish, you know." With that, Hange turned heel and left.

Levi got up and looked at where Lillian was sleeping. Hange was right: she did seem unhealthy, and especially so for a child that arrived less than a week ago. Very gently, he picked her up and cuddled her. Despite his cold and uncaring exterior, Levi had quite the soft spot for children.

Lillian began to stir. Levi frowned, for he still had work to do, and if she was awake, she'd be a distraction. His only viable options were to pawn her off to Hange to care for or try to get her to sleep again.

He couldn't leave her with Hange, as even someone with an emotional intelligence quotient of three like himself could see, and he didn't yet trust the cadets with her without some sort of at least _vague_ adult supervision. So he did the one thing he could think of to get her to sleep.

The short man began to sing a lullaby. It was an old one, in a language no one spoke anymore. He couldn't remember much of the words, but he did remember his mother singing it to him at a young age.

He mumbled softly in his low voice, not knowing whether or not he was even pronouncing half the crap that came out of his mouth properly, rocking back and forth in another effort to help her fall asleep.

Luckily, she fell asleep before he even finished the song, but he finished singing it anyway. It would have left him with the most terrible nagging feeling if he just stopped right in the middle of the song.

"I didn't know you sang, Heichou."

Levi turned to see cadet Lenz standing in the doorway. He _tched_ and laid Lillian down to sleep once more. "I don't sing," he denied. "You must be hearing things, brat."

Christa cocked her pretty, golden head, daring not show her amusement. (Which was refreshing when compared to the other idiots he had in his new squad.) "I saw you singing. It wasn't bad. Not good– _definitely_ not good– but it wasn't _bad."_

"I didn't know you could see sound."

Christa rolled her eyes as subtly as she could. Though she was as benevolent as a fairy queen, she was still a teenager, and teenagers need sass. "The cadets you sent out have come back. It would probably be good if you went and saw the goats they got."

Levi waved his hand dismissively. "Sure," he said, "Later." He sat back down to work on paperwork again. However, the moment Christa left, something struck him. "Did she say _goats?"_

* * *

"He _really_ didn't say anything about the second goat?" Armin asked Christa, the amazement in his voice clear as day.

"Well, I didn't tell him about the second goat, _per se_ , but I think saying the word 'goats,' plural, rather plain old singular 'goat' is a heavy enough hint," she replied.

"Well then, if that's the case, then we go out back and allow them to pasture," Mikasa said. "After all, it would be ridiculous to allow them to just wander around HQ." She was still holding the goatling, who squirmed wildly.

"You and I can handle that by ourselves; there are only two goats, after all," Eren said. He'd put the nanny down quite a while ago, and all she'd done since was limp two steps before lying down. "You okay with doing your own thing, Armin?"

Armin shrugged. "Sure. I think Hange wanted my assistance with something earlier anyway. Probably needs someone to keep her focused as she analyzes whatever data she got from Eren's last transformation as Moblit takes a break."

As the blond boy left them, Christa and Mikasa exchanged glances. Eren couldn't quite read what went on between them, but he didn't think much of it.

Christa excused herself. "Ymir will be worried about me," she told them, glancing again at Mikasa with a slight smirk. Again, Eren didn't think much of it.

Mikasa gripped the yearling's leash tightly as she set it on the ground. "Let's go, Eren," she softly said as the young goat tugged at the rope around its neck.

Eren tugged at the rope looped gently around the nanny's neck, prompting her to stand up. "Sure," he replied, and they began to walk the goats out back.

It was slow work. The nanny adamantly refused to put any weight on her right hind leg, even though it appeared to be in perfect condition. Carrying her wasn't much faster either; she was far too cumbersome.

"I don't understand! How did Armin hold her so that he could actually see past her smelly back? It defies all logic!"

"Do you need help?" Mikasa gently asked.

"No! I'm just fine carrying her myself," Eren snapped back.

She pulled her scarf over her face. "Maybe we should check her hooves."

"What? Why?"

"There might be something in them that's keeping her from walking properly."

Eren grunted as he set the nanny goat down, who immediately sat down.

Mikasa knelt down next to it, gently taking the goat's rear leg and inspecting the hoof. Nothing appeared to be the matter, but she wasn't taking any chances. Very delicately, she prodded the area between the toes.

The goat immediately let out a harsh, throaty bleat. Eren immediately lept into action, pinning the doe down so that she wouldn't thrash so wildly.

However, in doing so, he let go of the kid's leash.

That probably wasn't Eren's wisest choice.

(Though considering the fact that the boy could be a bit of a walking bad decision maker fueled by anger, that wasn't really saying anything.)

While the kid seemed shy while being sold, it was turning out to be a vivacious young thing with a liking for mischief. It knew the boy couldn't grab its leash without letting the nanny buck the girl in the face. It also knew from listening to their conversations on the long ride back that there was a human they called "Heichou" that also lived somewhere in the castle, and that they hated filth.

So the goatling did the only thing it could think of at the time.

It took the biggest dump of its life right on Eren's leg, then galloped away, bleating happily.

"Aw, fuck!" Eren yelled.

The nanny was still thrashing, but more weakly now. Mikasa held a determined face, frowning slightly. "Eren, would you please keep her from moving so much? She's going to hurt herself at this rate."

"I just got shit on by a goat!"

"Yes. And it will probably happen again if you keep dragging this out. There's a tiny little rock or glass chunk cutting into the doe's foot, and the more you let her struggle, the longer it's going to be there. The longer it's there, the more she's going to struggle. The more she struggles, the longer you'll have to be here, getting shat on by a different goat," Mikasa calmly replied.

Eren grit his teeth and kicked the scat off his leg, saying nothing when the younger goat pranced around before butting him in the side.

Said goatling kept butting Eren over and over again to the point where it got annoying. (Okay, and maybe it hurt a bit when it hit the same soft spot beneath his ribs over and over again.) The nanny was no longer writhing in pain but rather, taking controlled breaths as though she was in labor. Eren assumed that it was safe to let her go for the sake of punishing the kid, giving it a quick whack in the face.

Just as he did so, Mikasa finally got the shard out, and the nanny screamed, causing both the yearling and Eren to simultaneously jump in surprise. Since she was no longer restrained, the nanny gave Mikasa a good, hard kick to the shin before scrambling to her feet, causing Mikasa to cry out in pain and accidentally cut herself with the glass that was previously embedded in the goat's foot.

She then turned on Eren, lowering her head in preparation for a headbutt, pawing at the ground aggressively. Now too prideful and riled up to be bested by a goat, he tensed and assumed a fighting stance.

Suddenly, the nanny reared and bleated what sounded like a war cry, and Eren braced himself for the inevitable.

"What's going on here?" a new voice suddenly said.

Everyone froze at the sound of their captain's voice, even the nanny, who'd just finished rearing, and the yearling, who'd been running around in circles bleating like mad, fell silent.

"Uhh… this isn't what it looks like?" Eren sheepishly said.

"Eren almost got attacked by the nanny goat after he got shit on by the younger goat," Mikasa told Levi at almost the same moment.

Levi looked them all over. "Well, if this isn't what it looks like, then you both have some serious explaining to do. I can't possibly imagine any other situation where goat shit would be logical," he said coolly, "unless, of course, you were cleaning out their stalls."

It was at that moment that the yearling decided to make himself known to this new person by butting him in the leg.

The short man looked down on its happy little face and _tched_ in annoyance. "Did I not make it clear to Arlert that you were to get only one goat? Or did you conveniently forget how to listen to orders?"

"The man was overcharging us!" Eren cried.

"How much did he charge for the nanny?" Levi calmly asked.

" _Fifty_ sils!"

"For a live goat, I'm not surprised. Livestocks are a rarity in this day and age. I'm surprised she didn't sell for a hundred."

Levi allowed his words to sink in for a few moments before continuing. "So you stole this annoying _kid_ in exchange for getting a bargain for a goat?"

Mikasa said nothing as Eren hung his head. "It was Armin's idea," he mumbled.

Levi sighed, not fully believing Eren, and death glared them. "That's very clearly illegal. And while I will admit, we as a branch do some shady things, you must still atone for your crimes. The three of you will muck out the stables tomorrow. No help from anyone," he finally said.

"Yes, sir," Mikasa and Eren quietly replied as he walked away.

They would tell Armin later. For now, they still had two goats to pen up.

"Let's go, Mikasa," he grumbled, picking up the leash of the now-meek goatling.

Mikasa nodded silently and began leading the nanny.

* * *

 ** _Revised Author's Note vi._** _this chapter is the entire reason i went into Edit Mode for like half the fic_ _（´∀｀）. my old interpretations of the characters are markedly different from the general fandom tropes/interpretations. i like seeing it because i know it's been untouched by other people. it was my interpretation of them at its purest. of course that doesn't mean it was an accurate interpretation. since reading meta piece after meta piece i know better now. ahh, but how i wish i wrote ymir more~ mm i should bring her back soon. because this is canon divergence i can do whatever i want. anyway. leave a review if you like! have a greaaat daaay~_


	8. Lullaby

**Word Count:** 2,200

* * *

The cadets were very surprised at Heichou's lenience. The stables got cleaned regularly, about once a week, so cleaning it in the middle of the week actually wasn't that bad compared to what it could have been.

They did, however, notice how extremely annoyed Levi became when he discovered Hange holding one of her crazy naming ceremonies the day after they got the goats. He tried to stop her, but at that point, it was too late. The nanny and yearling received the official names of Amalthea and Windigo respectively.

By some odd stroke of luck, the nanny was lactating, something Armin hadn't checked for when looking at the goats, since, well, _it was the only female goat for sale_. The nanny provided more than enough milk a day, producing about two liters of milk per milking, and she was milked twice a day.

Lillian got better rather quickly after being switched off to goat's milk. She became lively again, making faces at everyone when they passed her by. Many corps members became a bit attached to her, though the majority of them rarely interacted with her.

At first, no one was sure what to do with the extra two and a half liters of milk, as Lillian only drank about a liter and a half every day. No one really had a taste for milk, as many corps members were raised in poor families that couldn't afford to buy milk of any kind. Since animal milk is an acquired taste, the only thing they _could_ do with it at that point was feed it to Sasha or toss it. They could try to sell it, but no one would buy it, as milk was expensive and this wasn't the interior of Wall Sina

So they opted to feed it to Sasha. It was an efficient solution, and the girl didn't mind drinking the milk the slightest, since she understood the value of food.

The days flew by, and everything seemed fine. However, one day, about two weeks after Lillian had been found on the doorstep, a messenger had burst in saying that Wall Rose had been breached.

As everyone leapt into action, Hange pulled Jean and Armin aside. "We need people to take care of Lil while we're gone. Heichou probably didn't think about this, so I'm going to take some liberties and assign you two to take care of her. Be good, okay?"

Jean and Armin exchanged confused looks.

"We'll be back in a few days at most. Try not to kill Lillian, okay?" Hange continued, grabbing the reins of her horse.

Armin scratched his head as Jean ran his hand through his hair. "Sure, Hange."

Hange ruffled their hair and mounted her horse, preparing to join the rest of the corps members. "Good cadets." She then smiled grimly and rode off, leaving Jean and Armin to their own devices.

The two teenage boys exchanged glances again, unsure of what else to do.

"I guess we should go check on Lillian?" Armin said, though his tone made it sound more like a question.

"Sure?"

* * *

About ten minutes later, Jean and Armin sat on the floor of the living room, Lillian sitting on Armin's lap. No one made any noise as Lillian curiously turned her sights from Jean's face to Armin's and back again.

"So… Now what?" Jean asked.

"Well, I've done some research, and apparently babies need to take a lot of naps," Armin replied.

"But she doesn't _look_ sleepy," Jean pointed out, and it was true. Lillian was squirming around, making various noises and purrs.

"Then we should probably make her sleepy. How does Heichou get her to sleep, again?"

"Christa heard him sing her a lullaby once," Jean remembered.

"Well, do you _know_ any lullabies?" Armin asked.

"No. Do _you_?" Jean countered.

"No," the blonde admitted. "We could make one up, though."

Jean rolled his eyes. "Are you really that musically capable?"

"You try then, horseface," Armin grinned.

Jean began looking flustered. "Well, uh, I'm going to need a melody."

"I'm sure there's a music box or something hidden somewhere in the castle. It's old for one thing, and _enormous_ for another. There's got to be something like that somewhere," the blond replied, picking up Lillian as he got up from the floor. He then looked down on the tall boy with the horse face, who was still sitting on the floor. "Well? Come on!" he said expectantly.

Jean knew that there was no getting out of this mess, so he begrudgingly got his ass off the floor and began following Armin.

There were dozens of empty or abandoned rooms in the castle the Survey Corps occupied, so they looked through the ones on the first floor, starting with the west wing. Since joining, they'd never really had the time to go exploring, so this was quite the opportunity for them.

There were the rooms for the common soldier that they'd seen many times before all over the castle. But, there were also some more unusual rooms, such as a particularly large room with beautifully tiled floors and elegant windows, with gorgeous brass chandeliers and pristine marble columns supporting a decorated dome ceiling. However, the room was lonely, as it was empty save a few black stands and rotting instruments.

Something inside the teenagers felt bad for the room and its sad instruments, so they went inside. Armin walked over to the elevated stage area where the music stands and instruments were, still holding Lillian. There were curtained windows backlighting the area, so it was quite easy to see the decomposing wooden shapes sitting near the rusted stands. Lillian tugged at Armin's long, blond hair as he somberly picked up a cracked and yellowed sheet of paper with lines and dots on it. He flipped it over, assuming it was a code and that it was cracked on the back, but there was nothing but more lines and dots.

"Hey, nerd! Look what I found!" Jean called, and Armin looked up and saw the other boy waving a twisty brass tube thing over his head.

"It's called a trumpet," Jean explained, and put his lips up to one end and buzzed. An enormous fart sound erupted from the other end.

Armin felt Lillian stop pulling at his hair and saw her turn her head in the direction of the loud fart.

Jean flushed slightly. "I didn't think they made that sort of noise. Though, maybe I'm playing it wrong." With that, he put his lips to the trumpet's mouthpiece again, only to have the other end blast even louder fart noises. Then, he began laughing madly. "I quite like this instrument… I'm going to keep it," Jean decided.

"Yes, but I don't think that's the best music-maker for a lullaby," Armin chided.

"Yeah, sure. Let's keep going then."

The next room of note was old looking and dusty. Old, sealed crates filled every nook and cranny, leaving just enough room to squeeze through and look at everything.

"I don't suppose you have a crowbar, do you?" Armin whispered. Something about the room simply asked the occupants to hush their voices, as if it wished not to have even a speck of dust disturbed.

"No," Jean whispered back, clutching his trumpet. "Do you think Heichou knows about this room? It's filthy."

"If he does, he must have a good reason not to clean it." Armin gently brushed dust off the top of a crate so he could read the label. " _Tampons_ ," he read aloud. "What are tampons?"

"Beats me. Let's bring that outside and see," Jean responded. "This place is a little freaky."

"Yeah, but how do we get it out? I'm holding Lillian, and you're holding that old fartmaker."

"It is not a fartmaker! It is a trumpet."

"How about we go outside, put Lily and the trumpet down, then come back in and get the crate?"

"Fine by me," Jean grunted, and they turned around, carefully dodging stray cobwebs as they exited.

"Stay," Armin said as he put Lillian on the ground in a sitting position. Lillian, however, didn't comply and almost immediately fell onto her stomach.

"Woah there!" The shorter boy caught her before she face-planted. "If you wanted to lie down, then you could've just said so," he joked.

Jean rolled his eyes as he put his trumpet down next to Lily. "Let's go, Arlert."

Using their combined strength, the boys dragged the crate out, though it was hardly necessary; the crate was far lighter than they'd anticipated.

Armin picked at the wood and noticed it was soft. "I think the wood's rotting," he noted.

"Is that so?" Jean flatly replied and began prying at the planks that made up the box. He put a moderate amount of force into pulling when the plank suddenly uprooted itself, and Jean stumbled backwards. "I meant to do that."

"Trumpet boy," Armin found himself muttering, though he had no idea what he meant by it. He pulled at another board, removing it with relative ease.

Jean pulled out a little fuzzy stick. "These are tampons?"

Armin pulled out an entire handful. "Apparently so."

"What do you think they're for?"

Armin separated one of the sticks from the others and poked Jean with it. "Well, they're soft and porous, kind of like toilet paper, but fuzzier. I'd say they're used to absorb some sort of liquid, blood maybe?"

Jean put one up his nose. "Well, they certainly seem convenient for all those nosebleeds we get around girls."

"That's more obvious than the nosebleed itself. Get that out of your nose."

"Fine, fine,"

"Maybe they're for bullet wounds," Armin commented. "They seem like the right size for that."

"Yeah, but since when do people get bullet wounds? Guns are for livestock," Jean pointed out.

"Well, hell if I know!" Armin suddenly cried. "Let's ask Hange when she gets back…"

"So we'll leave this crate of fuzzy sticks in the hall?" Jean asked.

"Sure," the shorter boy grumbled, picking Lily up. "Let's keep going."

Finally, after searching several more rooms, they found an old bedroom. The cot was clean and neat, with the sheets crisp and made, giving it an unslept in look. On the dresser were a few faded photographs in old frames and a simple wooden box, as well as some scattered letters. Everything in the room had a fine layer of dust, fine enough so that you wouldn't notice it at first, but thick enough to feel when you touched it.

Almost reverently, Armin pulled the box closer and opened it. A slow and delicate tune began to softly play, though it appeared to be in the middle of the song. Soon, though, the song ended, and Armin looked expectantly at Jean.

Jean sweated nervously. It was his time. As the music started up again, he took a deep breath and began making up lyrics on the spot.

 _There once was a magical elf,_

 _Who lived in a rainbow tree._

 _He lived downstairs to a flatulent dwarf,_

 _Who was constantly having to pee._

 _And then, one day, he could take it no more;_

 _He went downstairs to knock on the dwarf's door_

 _And what do you know,_

 _They suddenly both were maaaaarrriiieeeed*~_

Armin looked incredulously at Jean, but Lillian seemed satisfied with the lullaby and yawned.

Jean shut the music box and the music abruptly ceased. He picked it up with one hand and held his trumpet in the other. "Let's go. This is getting ridiculous."

Armin nodded, and they left the old bedroom in silence.

They'd expected Lillian to fall asleep after the lullaby, but apparently, it didn't work as well as they'd hoped. She was still awake by the time they'd made it out of the west wing and sitting on one of the couches in the living room.

"Well now what? It's been almost an hour and a half since we've been left with this brat, and she still hasn't fallen asleep! It's almost lunchtime!"

"Jean, it's only quarter past eleven."

Jean grumbled something unintelligible.

"If you want her to sleep so badly, then maybe you should sing that lullaby again," Armin suggested.

"You can do it this time."

"Fine by me," the shorter boy said, and took the box from Jean. "Just don't make any unnecessary loud fart noises with that trumpet of yours."

Jean rolled his eyes as Armin sang the lullaby he'd made up. Lillian yawned, so Armin sang it again, and again, until finally, after the fourth round of singing, Lily finally fell asleep.

The blond fell back against the couch, still holding the sleeping child. "That was a lot more mentally exhausting that I'd expected," he breathed.

Jean cracked a smile. "At least it's done now."

* * *

 ** _Author's note... x? x._** _Ah, my precious cinnamon rolls. Jean honestly doesn't deserve half the shit I give him. Also, BAND REFERENCES! Yeah! Heh trumpet boy. As for the asterisk... Any of you guys ever see the movie_ Open Season _? That's where it's from. Don't worry about the tampons thing right now. It's all part of my master plan. OuO._

 _Well, thanks for reading! Don't forget to follow, favorite, or review, if that's what you do, and have a greaaaaaaaat dayyy~_


	9. Time Tells

**Word Count:** 2,739

* * *

Lillian slept like a log. Her caretakers now had a lot of time on their hands, so they spent it talking about various topics.

"Hey Jean, what color would you describe your hair?"

Jean touched his hair. "I dunno. Maybe dishwater blond. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno. I guess it's because it's a sort of mix between gray and brown that just makes it really fascinating," Armin replied.

"Why do you keep your hair so long?"

It was now Armin's turn to touch his hair. "My granddad liked it this way, and I never got around to changing it, so now it's become my style."

"You're not secretly a girl?"

"What the _fuck_ , Jean?"

"Well, it's just that your hair's so long, and you kind of look like a girl, and you _do_ sort of act like a wuss at times…"

"Jean, by that logic, you're one thousand percent a donkey."

"Ex _cuse_ me?"

"Your facial features vaguely resemble a horse, and your personality is that of an ass," Armin shrugged.

Jean was in awe for a moment at the sass his friend had given him. "Where do all these horse-face jokes even come from? I don't look like a horse, do I?"

"To be honest, I never really saw it either. But your face is longer than average, somewhat squarish, and your eyes are a little widely set and your hair just sort of looks like a mane. Actually, now that I talk about it, you _do_ look a bit like a horse."

"Can it, nerd."

The two fell silent. "I wonder how the others are doing," Armin said.

Jean cracked a smile. "I wonder how much trouble Eren's gotten himself into by now."

Armin laughed lightly. "Well, if Mikasa's there, I'm sure everything will be fine."

Jean blushed slightly at the mention of Mikasa.

"What? You still like her?" The blond asked, but Jean didn't respond.

"You _do_ still like her!"

" _Can it, nerd_."

"There's nothing wrong with having a crush."

"I don't still like her, I moved past that ages ago; it just so _happens_ to embarrassing to talk about, _nerd_ ," Jean scowled.

Armin thought about it for a few moments when a new thought came to him. "Doesn't she like Eren or some shit like that?"

This caught Jean slightly off guard. "No, I don't think so. What makes you think that, anyways?"

"Don't you notice it? She only ever shows emotion around him. He's the only person who's ever made her cry, or blush, or even laugh."

"Well, you'd be like that around someone who saved _your_ life as a child, too."

"Yeah, but she's saved his ass at least five times over! Isn't this the least bit suspicious to you?" Armin challenged.

"No, it's not. Just because he saved her life when she was young doesn't mean he can be the only person she can be _human_ around," the taller boy countered.

"Oh yeah? Betcha a sil they'll kiss someday," Armin taunted, unusually fired up.

"Betcha a sil they won't," Jean replied.

The two then had a staredown, with the entire room stone silent.

Then Jean began to laugh. He laughed for a few moments, then extended his hand, still smiling. "It's a bet then," he said as Armin took his hand and gave it a good shake before losing his composure as well.

"Kind of funny how we went from you liking Mikasa to betting on if she and Eren are ever going to kiss," he laughed, and Jean's mood swung to dark, leaving the two with an awkward silence.

"I'll, uh, put Lillian away," Armin finally said and left.

Jean simply sighed and stretched so he could take up the entire couch before falling asleep.

* * *

Armin now had an entire castle to himself. He was actually quite frightened at that prospect. He could do anything he wanted, and there wasn't anyone who could say no.

He could read without getting interrupted by another cadet every five minutes.

He could boil all the potatoes and hide them around headquarters.

He could move everything in the captain's room two centimeters to the left.

He could put socks in the most random places.

He could switch the salt and sugar.

The possibilities were endless.

Or, he could be a normal person and read.

Armin gave it some thought. He could start a prank war, probably not the best idea, or he could read.

He was feeling a little devilish at the moment, so he chose the former. Armin checked the clock for the time. Quarter to twelve. He began walking to the kitchen so he could boil all the potatoes as he switched around the salt and sugar when an extremely evil idea came to him.

What if… he switched around all the clock times? All around the castle, all with different times. It would drive everyone mad!

Armin grinned and gave himself a mental pat on the back. He really was an evil genius.

So he set out on his quest to find every single clock in the castle. Most rooms were empty or just for storage, so he ended up wasting a lot of time looking through them for functioning clocks. He made sure to change every clock by an arbitrary amount, so that everything would have maximum fucked-upness.

Finally, he finished his task. He had no idea how much time had passed, since he changed the times on all the clocks throughout an entire castle, but he figured that he'd killed about two hours.

Armin's stomach growled loudly, and he chuckled to himself, though he wasn't sure why. He began heading towards the kitchen when another idea came to him.

Had Lillian been fed yet?

He groaned, not wanting to milk Amalthea, who could get fussy at times. So he walked over to Jean and began shaking him.

"Hey, it's your turn to milk the goat."

Jean grunted and rolled over. He did not appear to wake up.

"If you don't wake up, then you'll have to make your own lunch," Armin sternly said.

"I can make my own lunch," Jean mumbled before rolling over to face Armin again. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and checked the clock. "I've got to stop taking my three-hour naps…"

"Yeah, sure. It's your turn to milk Amalthea. I'll feed Lillian. All you have to do is milk the dumb goat."

Jean sat up and squinted. "Are the others not back yet?"

"Jean, it's been at least three hours since they left."

"I haven't been _napping_ this whole time!"

"I changed the clocks around."

Jean looked so tired with life at that moment. He then stood up and stretched. "Why do I have to milk the goat? Why can't _you_ do it?"

"I figured that since goats get along well with horses, you'd be a better caretaker," Armin joked.

Jean flipped him off, but Armin didn't mind. He knew he deserved it.

"Just go. I'm sure Lily's cried herself half to death by now," he chided, and before Jean could do anything, Armin had turned heel to Heichou's room.

Armin walked quickly, navigating the halls like it was the back of his hand. In truth, he had very little idea where he was. He'd only happened to have memorized one route to Levi's room, and he didn't dare try finding another should he get lost. An ancient castle was no place to get lost in.

As he rounded a corner, he heard a faint cry of a child. He was getting close to Lillian, and she didn't seem too happy about being left alone for so long. Despite it all, Armin let his mind wander over to his friends. He hoped they were okay and alive. They were probably still riding out to their destination, though he could be wrong.

He entered the captain's room, where he'd left Lily once she'd fallen asleep. Her crying was quieter than he'd anticipated. Perhaps she'd begun to stop crying on her own?

Armin picked up the child and looked out the window to estimate the time. It was maybe half past two. It was a miracle his stomach hadn't complained since his clock-changing adventure.

As though on cue, his stomach rumbled, and Lillian began to fuss a little louder. Armin sighed and began to bounce her in his arms. It was too late to get her back to sleep now, and it was well past lunchtime. He then began to walk back down to the living room, hoping that the motion of walking would calm her down.

Luckily, it did, and by the time he sat down at the dining table to wait for Jean, Lily had stopped crying, though she still didn't look happy.

Armin waited a few minutes for Jean, but when he didn't come right away, he put Lillian on the table and began to prepare for when Jean did arrive, looking through the cupboards for the clay urn thing he'd seen Hange use when feeding Lillian. It was an odd thing, somewhat resembling a teapot, but with a much more open top, and for some reason he always felt awkward around it. It was really just a weird teapot if he really thought about it, but something seemed off.

Oh well.

He looked over at Lillian, who lay on the table. Normally, there was someone holding her on their lap, but there wasn't anyone here today. Armin felt a little bad about just leaving her there, but he didn't have any other choice besides hope Jean came with milk soon. Armin started to check the clock, but then he remembered he changed the time.

He mentally cursed himself for doing that now.

Finally, he found the teapot thing and Jean arrived, lugging a half-filled bucket of milk along with him.

"I think the nanny's drying up. This looks like about a liter and a half instead of the usual two liters," Jean said.

"Well, does it matter?" Armin briskly asked, picking up the feeder, as he decided to call it. "That only means less chances of Sasha getting sick from some milk infection."

"Don't we disinfect the milk by boiling it?" Jean asked, putting the bucket on the table.

"Most of the time, yes, but sometimes, like now, we just don't have the time," Armin replied, taking the bucket and filling the feeder to a reasonable level. He then handed it to Jean. "I'll grab Lillian, you prepare yourself."

Somewhat confused, Jean picked took the milk-filled object as Armin grabbed Lillian and sat down so that he wouldn't have to waste arm strength.

"I've never fed a kid in my life, so it's up to you to make sure she doesn't die or whatever," Jean warned, then paused. "Why aren't I the one keeping her still? Why do I have to be the one to use this strangely unnerving teapot thing?"

"I don't trust you. The main responsibility that comes with holding her as she gets fed is making sure she's calm, and let's be real here, you're not really the best with kids."

Jean grunted in response as Armin continued.

"All you have to do now is put the mouthpiece in her mouth and tip it slightly, then take it out when I tell you to."

Jean sighed and put the mouthpiece of the feeder into Lily's open mouth, tilting it so that the milk would flow in.

The two teenage boys said nothing, save Armin's instructions, for what seemed like forever. Several times they had to put Lillian down and sloppily refill the feeder, wishing Hange or Christa were there to do this for them.

After a long time, Lillian was full.

Jean flopped down into a chair. "Why is this so much more mentally exhausting than it seems?"

Armin cracked a smile. "Maybe this is a test of our patience," he replied.

The other boy sighed. "Now what?"

The blond absentmindedly bounced Lillian on his lap. "I dunno, actually. I don't really pay attention to how Levi and Hange care for Lillian, I just play with her sometimes."

Lillian lightly burped, but her babysitters paid her no heed.

"How come Hange's always taking care of Lillian? She's not her mom, and there are probably other corps members more suited for this sort of thing anyways," Jean wondered aloud.

"I dunno. Maybe she feels some obligation towards Levi, or maybe she wants Lillian to have a good mother figure."

At that, Jean began to laugh. He laughed and laughed, and then took a deep breath and sighed contentedly. "That was hilarious. Hange, a mother figure? She's crazy enough as it is, we don't need her passing that onto other human beings."

Armin rolled his eyes. "Jean, how well do you even _know_ Hange? At this point, I'm practically her protégé, helping her with analysis of data of her innumerable experiments. At times, I do more shit for her than Molbit. And you've spent like what, ten minutes with her at most? Hange's a lot more than just an eccentric titan-lover, you know. Though, considering you have the perception of a teaspoon, I'm not surprised that's all you think she is."

Jean's nostrils flared in anger. "Well, you have to admit, there are women more capable than Hange for that role anyways."

"True, true. That's why I also hypothesize she feels some degree of obligation to helping Levi with this. Maybe it has something to do with who Lily's mom is, maybe it's because they're friends. Either way, I haven't seen anyone else step up for the role, unless you count Christa, but Christa's innately like that anyway."

Silence again.

"Hey Armin, I've got a question for you. But you have to answer it honestly," Jean finally said.

"Sure?"

"Did you ever like Annie? As in, _like_ -like Annie?"

If Armin had been drinking anything at the moment, he would have choked on it before spitting it out onto the table. But since he wasn't, he choked on air, lurching suddenly forward before regaining his composure. "What kind of question is _that_?" he demanded.

"Well, back at boot camp-"

" _Boot camp?_ That was ages ago!"

"-There were rumors about you liking Annie. No one really took them seriously, but," Jean leaned closer, lowering his voice despite the fact that they were alone. "After Annie spared you when she was in her titan form, and seemingly only you, people are saying that you guys used to be, and might still be, a thing."

The blond boy buried his face in his hands to hide his scarlet cheeks. He'd had a minor crush on Annie during their final year of boot camp, but he figured it'd gone away since then. He'd never been sure about that at times, however, and now was definitely one of those times.

"Well, like I said, no one took them _seriously_. It was just some idle gossip," Jean told him after he noticed the lack of response..

Armin sighed, and as his blush died down, he removed his hands and began bouncing his knee. Lillian smiled and laughed.

"So… now what? Lillian's not going to fall asleep anytime soon, and it's mid-afternoon," Jean said, changing the subject.

"We should probably pasteurize the milk for later, but we should probably keep talking in front of Lillian. Hange says that babies brains are always developing and need a lot of talking-to to make sure they live up to their potential," Armin said.

"Maybe we should change the clocks back," Jean said, getting up and grabbing the bucket of milk and a teakettle so that they could pasteurize the milk.

Armin got up as well. "Hm… no. We should at least have some fun with it when everyone returns."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xi._** _And forever afterwards, no one in the Survey Corps ever knew what the time_ really _was... HehehehHEHEHheh. Did any of you notice how the punny the title is? OwO sorry-not-sorry.  
_

 _Wow sassy Armin is best Armin. This chapter's super long omg o-o. My friend read my oneshots; she thinks you're all high for liking my story. I'd give her crap for that, but then I found out we have a ship in common. I can't really give her crap after_ that _. Fangirl code. That exists now, don't question it._

 _Anyway, I just wanted to say a really huge thank you to all of you who've followed, favorited, or reviewed. I am not kidding you when I say every time someone does that, I squee out loud, send a screenshot to my other friend, and gush about it. You all make me so happy ahh *w*. Well, if you liked this chapter, don't forget to reviiewww and if you're new, then drop a follow, it's always appreciated! Aaaand have a great day~_


	10. Sex Ed

_**Author's Note xi.** Hey! If you haven't read the manga already, then you're about to receive and official spoiler warning! The following chapter, and possibly following chapters, contain spoiiilerrrsssssss. Because it's following the mangaaaaa. Ish. It's a canonverse divergence, but many events will still play out according to canon, probably including **character deaths**. But anyway, my friend and are are super-duper pumped for this chapter! She helped me write it. U w U.  
_

 ** _However. Due to the nature of this chapter, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED._** _Don't question their innocence at times; I know people who are legitimately that ignorant._ _This has been your serious author's note. If you enjoyed the read, great! Leave a follow or a favorite, if you haven't already! Leave your thoughts in the reviews, and have a greaaat day~  
_

* * *

 **Word Count:** 2,023

* * *

Hours upon hours passed. Jean and Armin trained, rested, ate, and talked. Evening fell, and still the others didn't return. Armin wasn't worried, he knew expeditions had the potential to last up to a week. As it turned out, Jean was the one who almost went mad with worry. Armin figured it stemmed from him losing his friend Marco back during the battle of Trost. Armin didn't worry about it though, it was only natural to feel like that after that sort of experience.

Finally, morning came, and with it were the living members of the Survey Corps.

" _WE'RE BAAAAAAAAAACKKKK~_ " Hange called out. She didn't expect anyone to respond; the castle was large and the walls rather sound-blocking.

She was surprised, however, by the patter of feet running down the stairs. "Hange-san?" Armin's voice called.

"Yea-" Hange began.

"Arlert! Kirschstein!" Levi roared, entering the building. "You'd better not have poisoned Lillian!"

"I didn't know you had feelings, Heichou," Armin said as he rounded a corner to where everyone was trickling in. He then looked at Hange. "Hange, what are tampons?"

"Eh? Didn't we teach you cadets about those months ago?" Hange asked as Levi left the area, likely to find his daughter.

"No…?" Armin said, confused. From the corner of his eye, he saw Mikasa getting a piggyback ride in from Eren. She looked exhausted. "Mikasa! Are you okay?"

"She cracked a few ribs, but she's otherwise fine," Eren responded for her.

Armin looked at Hange as his friends left. "Is it safe for her to be moved around like that? And what did you mean, 'didn't we teach you cadets about those months ago?' You never had us sit down and learn _anything_ , let alone about little fuzzy sticks."

Hange clapped her hands excitedly. "Armin! Get all your friends together and meet me in an empty classroom! It's time for you guys to learn about the birds and the bees!"

"The what?" Armin politely asked.

"I'll explain later," Hange said and ran off.

Armin looked at the door a final time and caught Christa walking in, a dead and hollow look on her face. "Christa…?" He worriedly said.

" _That's not my name_ ," she whispered, so softly he almost didn't catch it.

"What?" Armin asked.

"That's not my name," she replied, voice harsh.

Armin decided to leave it at that. "Uh, Hange wants all the cadets of the hundred and fourth trainees squad to meet in an empty strategy room to teach us about something. I'm not sure which, but uh, you should go… Where's Ymir, by the way?"

The girl (he wasn't sure what to call her now) only gave him a cold look. Armin backed off slightly, and she began walking briskly away.

Armin wondered what happened to Ymir, Reiner, and Bertholt as Hange rapped a meterstick against the table in the center of the strategy room, and a few of the cadets snapped to attention. Mikasa carefully adjusted herself to face Hange as the girl once known as Christa slowly turned and glowered. "Today you learn where babies come from!" Hange merrily said. "Now, how many of you already know?"

All the cadets raised their hands.

"A boy and a girl get together and they have sex. The girl gets pregnant and gives birth after nine months," Jean said.

"Ah, yes. That is the gist of it, but do you know what sex is?" Hange challenged them.

None of the cadets uttered a peep.

"Ah, well it looks like I've got my work cut out for me then," Hange smiled. She stepped off the table she was standing on and walked over to the door, opening it a crack.

"Molbit!" She called. "Did you find those old textbooks I told you about?"

Hange's second in command entered the room, struggling slightly beneath the weight of eight biology textbooks. "Yes," he breathed, dropping them violently on the table with a loud _thud_.

"Excellent," Hange said, grabbing the first textbook on the pile and threw it eccentrically at Connie.

"Gah," Connie said, startled. He barely managed to save his nose as the book flew at his face.

The other cadets were better prepared, and they more or less caught their flying textbooks without too much of problem. Hange's aim was surprisingly good.

Hange herself grabbed the eighth textbook and flipped it until she reached the back end. "We'll be using these in a few minutes. Do all of you know what genitalia are?"

No one raised their hands as Molbit quickly began to excuse himself. He'd received almost the exact same lecture from Hange about seven years ago, and he wasn't eager to repeat the experience.

Hange sighed. "Molbit, fetch the dildo."

Molbit groaned. He always got the short end of the stick when it came to Hange. But he obligingly left the room, returning a few minutes later with an elongated pink thing with a strangely shaped bump at the end.

"Is that a fake penis?" Connie asked as Hange took it.

"What the hell's a penis," Historia asked.

"Ah, a penis is an organ attached to a man's crotch area. They use it to piss and to reproduce. Hopefully not at the same time," Hange explained, tossing the dildo back at Molbit. She then turned to a chalkboard in the front of the room and drew a crude chasm shape. She tapped her chalk near the drawing. "This is a vagina. It is one of the female reproductive organs. When a man is aroused, his penis will enlarge and stiffen. He then inserts it into the vagina. That, in short, is sex."

None of the cadets knew how to feel. They were vaguely aware of their genitals before this point, but they'd never thought about it. Now, friends distanced themselves from friends as they grew hyper aware of what they had between their legs.

Hange ignored their discomfort as she continued. "When engaging in sex, both parties generally feel immense pleasure. In males, contraction of certain muscles in the penis result in an action called _ejaculation_ , where a fluid substance called semen is released into the vagina. The semen is made of many reproductive cells called sperm."

"Fuck this shit, I'm out," Eren suddenly said, rising from his seat. Despite being a doctor's son, he had only a minimal grasp on biology, and this was more than what he could take at the moment.

"Take me with you," Armin begged. "I regret ever asking about those little fuzzy sticks."

Everyone else murmured their agreement, but Hange blocked the exit. "Nuh-uh, kiddos. You have to learn this shit, it's a mandatory part of your curriculum."

"What curriculum? We graduated from boot camp perfectly fine, and that should be all the learning we need! What use could this possibly have in fighting titans," Sasha cried.

Hange instinctively took on an assertive posture, leering at the cadets. "Sexual education is something that should be covered in public school _and_ boot camp, but due to the circumstances, it has been cut from regular schooling, leaving it up to _us_ to teach you about these things so you don't go crazy when weird shit starts happening in your brains. Now sit your butts down and _learn_ ," she snarled.

Thoroughly frightened, Eren meekly returned to his seat between Armin and Mikasa.

Hange instantly brightened up and continued her lecture, going deeper into detail about the parts of the male and female genitalia. Molbit quietly escaped the moment Hange turned her back, and the cadets envied him. They never felt so uncomfortable in their lives.

After about another half hour of this, Armin shakily raised his hand. "Hange-sensei, what does this have to do with those tampons Jean and I found?"

Hange returned to a quick sketch she made of the uterus, and circled the ovaries. "We're getting there. Now once every month or two, sometimes less, the uterus lining will thicken in preparation for a fertilized egg. Towards the end of that cycle, the ovary will release a single mature egg, but if it doesn't get fertilized, then the lining will fall apart, exiting out the vagina in a flow of blood that lasts three to seven days."

Jean looked like he was about to puke, and the others had horrified looks plastered all over their faces, including Mikasa, who usually never lost her composure.

"Why hasn't this happened to any of us, though?" Historia demanded. "This textbook says most girls begin their menstrual cycles at around age twelve! We're _fifteen_ , for goodness' sake!"

"First off, good for you for following along in the textbook! It's nice to see someone is invested in learning about this. Second of all, this textbook is outdated. It appears that in those times, females went under less stress and had access to more food, thus, their bodies decided at an earlier age that they were well enough to reproduce. However, with the decrease of resources and increase of general stress, the average menstrual beginning time has been pushed to seventeen," Hange lectured.

"Now, as I was saying, girls will bleed out for three to seven days once every month or two. It's not exactly easy to stifle blood down there, but we also don't want to ruin our pants all the time. This is where the tampons come in. Girls will often put those little fuzzy sticks up their vaginas so that it will absorb the blood, then every six to eight hours, they'll change 'em. Another option is to use pads, which works fine when we're not on expeditions. The pads…"

And so it continued. Hange paid no heed to the clock. Even if she hadn't known it was incorrect, she wouldn't have noticed it anyways, as she wanted to finish this lecture in one sitting. The topic finally changed from sexual organs to pregnancy, and from pregnancy to sexually transmitted diseases, which they learned about from the textbook.

As they learned about sexually transmitted diseased, Hange wrote the words, "Blue Waffles" on the chalkboard, and Sasha suddenly started laughing.

She laughed so hard she hunched over her desk, then fell off her seat and struggled to intake breath. Everyone looked at her with a very confused expression.

"What happened, Sasha?" Connie asked her in an exasperated tone.

She pointed at the word "Blue." She wheezed out a few words, but no one could understand her.

"Would you please repeat that," Hange flatly said, and Sasha choked out a few words.

"The… the B… it looks like," she began, but then laughter choked out the rest of it.

A few cadets rolled their eyes and stared at Sasha. "It looks like what?" Mikasa tonelessly asked.

"It looks like a piece of," Sasha choked out, then kept laughing. No one else saw anything particularly funny about the B, and they continued staring. It could've been an awkward moment for Sasha, but she was dying of laughter, so she didn't notice the silence surrounding her.

"It looks like a piece of _toast_ ," she finally managed to say, then burst out in fresh laughter, rolling around on the floor. Everyone squinted at the word, and suddenly Connie saw it too.

"Oh yeah, it kind of does look like toast!" He said, but he didn't find it funny in the least.

Hange sighed. She'd been _in the zone_ , and now Sasha had interrupted her very serious lesson. She erased the B and rewrote it, and Sasha's laughter died down. "Better?" Hange sarcastically asked, and she nodded in response, calming down and sitting back at her seat as though nothing had even happened.

When the cadets were finally released from Hange's wrath, they were in a daze. A lot had happened in the last few hours, and that lecture had changed the way they saw everyone in a whole new light.


	11. Engagement

**Word Count:** 1,682

* * *

After the sex ed episode, Armin and Jean learned about what had happened during the supposed breach. Eren and Mikasa kept a few details suspiciously vague, but Jean should have been grateful for that, since Armin would have made him cough up a sil if anything had been any more specific.

Armin had felt incredibly stupid he hadn't figured out the titan shifter's identities before ("It seems so _obvious_ now! They weren't there during the Battle of Trost, and they always had a sort of split identity"), and now prowled the grounds every so often, looking for "suspicious characters".

More time passed, and everything was suspiciously quiet. Mikasa's ribs healed, and everyone adjusted to the loss of Ymir, Reiner, and Bertholt. It wasn't that that the scouts were complaining, but it seemed more than a little suspicious that no walls were broken, or anyone important arrested, or anything at all happening.

It was on one of those strangely quiet days when Hange entered Levi's room all in a tizzy.

"Leeeeviiii~" she sang, almost drunkenly.

"What?" he replied in a bored tone.

Hange said nothing, she simply picked Lillian up from her napping spot on Levi's armchair and twirled around. At this point she was around five months old and learning to eat solid food (read: apple mush), crawl, and speak (to a slight degree).

Levi looked up from his work, not wanting to deal with Hange's shit. He noticed a faint blush on Hange's cheeks, and sighed. "Are you drunk?" he asked, exasperated.

She slowly stopped twirling, then staggered over to where Levi sat, leaning in very closely. He nearly gagged. Her breath reeked, though of what he couldn't tell.

"Maybe," Hange told him, her words slurred ever so slightly.

"Disgusting," Levi muttered, pushing Hange away from his face. "Put Lillian back on the chair, you'll probably drop her in your drunken state, _shitty four-eyes_."

Hange softly gasped and clutched Lillian to her chest. "Neverrrr~" she childishly said. She then finally dropped the drunken act. "Levi, do you ever interact with Lillian, or do you just leave that to the cadets?" She asked.

"I mostly leave it to the cadets. Why?"

"Levi, that's not good for your relationship. Don't you care about your daughter?"

Levi stopped what he was doing and scowled up at Hange. But he didn't say anything. He'd never given the idea much thought. Yes, he cared for her in a sense, but did he care in the way Hange was talking about? Did he love his daughter? He did… right?

He made sure she was happy and healthy. He played with her from time to time, in short bursts. But most of the time, he just made sure she was fine and out of his hair.

Levi grit his teeth, and Hange knew he was struggling to answer her question.

" _Lee-_ viii, this human is a part of you. She's a part of your fiancée, too. I know you guys never did anything to _make_ Lillian, but we're keeping her now. I suppose right now it doesn't matter if you love her or not. You will someday," she gently told him, and there was a somewhat pleasant silence.

Hange then eccentrically tossed Lillian up in the air and let her drop nearly a foot before swiftly catching her again. Lillian did not appreciate this, but she no longer cried every time Hange did it. It was a near-daily occurrence, so while she didn't like it, Lillian vaguely knew she was safe with Hange.

"Well, that's enough of that, I'm here to follow you around all day and observe how you interact with Lillian," Hange declared, much to Levi's annoyance.

"Have fun watching me sit and do paperwork all day, four-eyes. Don't you have titan shit to do with Jaeger?" He drawled.

"Nothing that can't be put off twenty-four hours," she brightly replied, plunking Lillian onto Levi's lap. "Moblit can do your paperwork, you can have a day off."

"You don't have that kind of power!" Levi protested. "And Moblit would do the paperwork _all wrong_!"

"I talked to Erwin about it, and Moblit knows how to do paperwork just fine. He does all my taxes," Hange said and began pulling at the chair Levi was sitting on, who dug his heels into the floor, only to have the chair tugged out from beneath him.

"FUCK," he yelled as his ass slammed into the cold, hard floor. He tightened his loose grip on Lillian to keep her safe, hugging her to his chest.

"See, Levi? This is going to be _great_ , you're bonding with her already!" Hange cheered.

Levi groaned. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Show me again the paperwork saying I get a day off," Levi demanded, and Hange handed him a piece of paper.

Levi looked at it again, hoping vainly it would say something different. "Hange, this just says, ' _I do what I want_.' That's _not_ official. I have _work_ to do."

"That's why we're going to Erwin for realsies now. I'm sure he'll understand," she said, walking swiftly through the winding passages.

"What the fuck are you even planning, four-eyes?" Levi demanded.

"To make you bond with your daughter. Simple as that," Hange responded, marching right up to Erwin's office door. She sharply knocked on it, then stepped aside.

"This is ridiculous," Levi grumbled.

Erwin opened the door and looked down on his subordinates with amusement. "Well, hello little people. What are you here for?"

"I'm going to spend the day forcing Levi and Lillian to bond, so I'm going to need your written permission to let him take the day off to make Mister Paperwork here happy," Hange quickly explained, her hands flying around in random gestures as she spoke.

Erwin laughed a little. "Well, little lady, I'm afraid I'm going to have to deny your request," he told her lightly.

Levi shot Hange an " _I-told-you-so_ " sort of look, and then Erwin continued.

"For good reason, though. Squad Leader Mike came in a few minutes ago, announcing his engagement to Nanaba. They're getting married in a month, and since we're like their family, they're saying the whole corps is invited."

Hange's jaw dropped and Levi narrowed his eyes.

"What does this have to do with a day off?" Hange asked.

"I'm getting there," Erwin chided. "Like I said, the whole corps is invited. But weddings tend to have dancing, and I don't think our new cadets can dance."

Levi unconsciously hugged Lillian to his chest. He wasn't too sure he was liking where Erwin was going with this wedding thing.

"Erwin, what are you saying?" Hange demanded for the both of them.

"I'm going to need you two to teach the cadets how to dance."

"Why _us_ , specifically?" Levi asked maliciously.

"Because you were the first people to knock on my office door since since Mike told me about his engagement," Erwin replied with a tilt of his head.

"Fucking shit," Levi quietly cursed. "And what if I say I can't dance?"

"I've seen you dancing with your mop when you think you're alone. Who taught you, by the way?" Erwin asked.

All the while, Hange looked wildly from one man to the other as they spoke, her eyes bright with fascination.

"I do not dance with the fucking mop, Erwin," Levi growled, clutching Lillian ever closer.

"Actually, Levi, I've seen you dance with your broom, and the cadets were laughing over something similar the other day too," Hange chimed in.

Levi shot her a death glare, but Erwin simply smiled down on them. "Well then it's settled. You two can take the cadets out into the courtyard and teach them to dance."

"Where are we getting the _musicians_ for this thing? They're _expensive_ ," Hange wondered aloud.

"Hange, have you ever heard of a phonograph?" Erwin asked her, and Hange shook her head, eyes a-gleaming with curiosity. "It's a machine where you crank a handle and put a needle to a record, and it plays music."

Hange's eyes grew as wide as saucers as her face split into a grin. " _Those still exist?_ " She said in a hushed voice.

Erwin nodded. "We have a few old records as well. Don't ask where I got them and the phonograph. It involved nipple blades, bamboo, and a bag of frozen peas. You don't need to know the details."

Levi and Hange exchanged confused looks. Hange shrugged.

"What about Lillian?" Levi found himself asking.

"She can watch you guys, or have someone else babysit for the day. Take your pick," Erwin answered.

Levi narrowed his eyes. "You seem to have everything figured out, don't you, old man?"

Erwin walked back into his office and brought out a box with a metal flowery thing on top of it. He then grinned at the midgets in front of him. "Not necessarily. It just happened to work out like this," he told Levi. He handed the machine to Hange. "Take good care of it. Those aren't common, as I'm sure you know," he warned.

Hange eagerly took it with both hands, and marvelled at its lightness. "It's like a titan… it looks like it weighs so much more than it actually does!" She exclaimed.

Erwin piled a few black circles with grooves into her arms, then shooed her and Levi away.

Levi wasn't one to go against orders, no matter how much he disliked them, so his only choice was to round up the cadets and head out to the courtyard, where Hange had begun to set up the phonograph. He looked down at Lillian and absently patted her hair. _This is going to be a long day._

* * *

 ** _Author's Note idk i'm from the future why did i decide to number these author's notes other than because it would look cool so uh xi.i._** _Since writing this, I have interacted with many more babies and learned many more things about babies. Such as how normally babies don't even think (hah babies don't even really think) about getting weaned until they're six months old. That being said, I'm lazy and just editing in some mikenana because fuck you mike isn't dead._

* * *

 ** _Original_** ** _Author's Note xii._** _Ahh sorry if this comes out a few hours later than usual, I had a speech and debate tournament, well, to you guys it was yesterday, but to me it's in an hour, so I might just conk out before midnight and not have any time to publish it before church in the morning. Ye. Sorry about the short chapter, and I hate to break it to you guys, but the next chapter's even shorter. I have another chapter completed after that, but I'm_ still _not done with thirteen. I hope I don't have to do this, but_ Lovechild _might be going on a short hiatus for about two weeks after this. ;-; My sincerest apologies. My friend had me write a quick, twenty minute oneshot to make up for it, but it's a 315 word shipfic. Dunno if that's a good enough apology, but if you're craving more of my writing, I have two other oneshots that are both around 3,500 words. Again, I am sooo sorry about all that, but finals are coming... [cue the Winter is Coming memes] Anyway, if you're new, drop a follow or favorite, they're both really appreciated! Leave your thoughts in the reviews, if that's what you're into, and have a greaaaaaaaaaat dayyyyy~_


	12. Cupid Shuffle

**Word Count:** 1,213

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Historia shuffled nervously, shifting her weight from one foot to another as she watched Levi-Heichou and Hange set up a small, mysterious machine on a coffee table outside. She felt mildly concerned for Lillian, whom Levi was toting around everywhere as he snapped at her fellow cadets every time they goofed off.

Hange then turned around and faced them. "Attention cadets," she called, her voice serious.

Historia almost instantly snapped into a salute, as did her fellow six cadets. _I kind of miss Ymir_ , she found herself thinking. Though she was growing used to life without Ymir, sometimes she'd miss being doted on and constantly being reminded of her value.

"Today you will be learning to dance," Hange explained. "And since I am a _terrible_ dancer, your amaaaaazing heichou will be teaching you."

Historia felt her jaw drop as she and the other cadets turned to look at Levi, who was glaring menacingly at Hange. Hange gave him a "squee" sort of grin back at him and stole Lillian from his arms and sat down in a chair next to the machine.

Levi softly "tch"ed, then faced the seven cadets. "Most of what you'll be learning today are partner dances, so partner up," he said. "The one without a partner gets to dance with a broom."

"Wait, why are we doing this?" Jean protested, and Levi sighed a little.

"Normally, we wouldn't do this, but someone's getting married, and you're all invited. Don't ask who, you don't know them. That's the main reason," Hange butted in, and when Levi didn't stop her, she continued. "The other reason being dancing can help develop your agility and reflexes, as well as your leg muscles. I've read studies that back up the agility and grace part and how it helps with fighting. Believe me, this isn't just for a wedding."

"But why are _we_ attending a _wedding_? And what's _Lillian_ doing here?" Connie complained, and Hange shrugged in response.

"Erwin said the guy said the whole Corps were invited. The rest of the Corps can dance - that's a long story, by the way - so since you were invited, and you kids are the only ones without any knowledge on how to dance, you get the dancing lessons. Lily's here because she was _going_ to spend a day with Levi, but the Commander changed the plans. It's good for her brain," she told them.

The cadets griped among themselves, but began to couple off.

Historia panicked slightly. Two pairs formed right off the bat, Eren and Mikasa and Connie and Sasha, of course, which meant she had to dance with either Armin or Jean, since she knew they'd be disgusted at the idea of having to dance with each other.

As she watched them rock, paper, scissors for her hand, she felt a tad disgusted. It was almost as though they were _objectifying_ her, turning her into some prize to be won.

She vaguely heard Jean curse, and she considered volunteering to dance with the broom, just to spit in their faces. But as Armin approached her with a slight pink tinge to his cheeks, pity filled her, and she decided to spare them for the time being.

Somewhat awkwardly, they stood side by side as Jean reverently took Levi's broomstick from him.

Hange bounced Lillian as she took a large black disc and placed it on the machine. She then delicately pulled down a thin arm onto it and began cranking a shaft protruding out the side. At first there was a quiet scratching, and the cadets stood there awkwardly as Levi grumpily glared at them.

Then, very slowly, there came a thump and a whisper.

" _The cupid, the shuffle,_ " it sang in a tinny voice, and the cadets exchanged slightly horrified looks. This was _awful_ music, made worse by the continual scratching of the needle.

" _January second, two thousand-seven,_ " it continued, and Historia couldn't help but wonder what that meant.

Hange looked expectantly at Levi as she continued cranking, letting whispers of words escape the horn of the machine. He simply glared back at her and shrugged.

" _Down, down, do your thing,_ " the machine suddenly blared, and everyone jumped out of their skins for a moment. The phrase repeated a few times, leaving everyone standing there, feeling awkward. Hange just kept cranking.

Finally, the words changed. " _To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right~_ "

Sasha must have taken this as a cue, because she checked her hands, then grabbed Connie's arm and began moving to the right with the beat. Very awkwardly, Jean followed suit, moving to the right, broom in hand.

" _Now to the left, to the left, the left, the left,_ " the machine practically shrieked, and everyone began stumbling along to the song.

 _I_ really _wish Ymir was here,_ Historia found herself wishing for the millionth time that day as she awkwardly followed the directions given in the song. To the right, to the left, kick, turn.

As the song continued on, Sasha suddenly burst out laughing. She kept dancing, but she began laughing, and it was contagious. Connie caught it, followed by Jean, Armin, and Historia herself. Eren chuckled slightly as Mikasa kept a perfect poker face.

"Augh!" Historia suddenly screamed, tripping over her feet and falling down. She went blind for a fleeting instant, but when she regained it, she saw Armin topple over as well. She pulled herself up and sat down, watching as Connie and Sasha fell over as well, both laughing.

"What the heck," she said, but Armin shushed her.

"I felt bad for you falling over, but I didn't feel like helping you up, so I decided to fall down too," he whispered, causing Historia to giggle.

She watched Jean exaggeratedly trip on his foot soon after, joining them on the ground in a laughing heap. The broom clattered to the ground as he let it go. After that, it was just Eren and Mikasa dancing awkwardly around a pile of laughing teenagers.

Hange smiled and continued cranking as Lillian beamed at everything. Levi simply watched with his arms crossed, a small smile of amusement on his face.

Finally, the music died away, leaving everyone with a heap of cadets dying of laughter. Historia smiled broadly and finally joined in, letting herself have fun for once.

Hange stopped cranking the machine and removed the arm from the disc. She smiled fondly at the awkward kids in front of her, then looked at Levi. "Again?" She asked him.

"Does Erwin have the thickest eyebrows in the world?" He replied, and Hange squealed in glee. She enjoyed watching them suffer.

Historia dug herself out of the pile, helping everyone up along the way. She looked up in time to see Hange carefully place the needle of the music machine on the edge of the black disc again and begin cranking.

As the awful music began playing once more, Historia couldn't help but smile. As much as she loved Ymir, she was glad she wasn't here. It was fun to fall down and have a laugh, instead of being protected from every harmless breeze that flew her way.

The words began sounding out in a tinny voice, and Historia could hardly have been happier.

* * *

 ** _Random Author's Tip ii._** _The difference between "your" and "you're". Putting this out there because I was reading a pretty terrible fanfiction that couldn't tell the difference. "Your" generally indicates a possessive. "Your feelings" "Your [noun]" etc that I don't remember right now. "You're" is a mushing up of two words, "you" and "are", so basically, if if you can replace the "you're" with "you are", and it still makes sense, congratulations, you're using it right._

* * *

 _ **Author's Note xiii.** Sorry for the short chapter ;w; But I did get out of my writing slump, so yaay no hiatus! Also, fuck yeah, learning to dance! There are two more chapters of this, but believe me, shit starts to go down at the end of the arc. So basically next-next week. __( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). And next-next-next week. I regret nothinggg~  
_

 _Anyway, in response to someone's question, yes, this is more or less Rivitra. There was originally going to be Levihan later on, but I decided against it and edited out a more clearly Levihan moment last minute from the last chapter. As for the letter, that's probably just going to be a mystery for a long while. Even I don't have it figured out yet, not completely. Anyway, do any of you guys like Eremika? I like Eremika. And Springles. But not really Arukuri. Anyway, if you're new, and you liked, it drop a follow or favorite, they're always really appreciated, and don't forget to leave your thoughts in the reviews, and have a greaat dayyy~_


	13. Waltz

**_Author's Note xiv._** _Next chapter, guys. Next chapter. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). A lot of headcanons in this chapter. Also, next chapter's coming out on Saturday, since the plot(ish?) coincidentally matched up with one of the tumblr eremika week prompts. I know it's unconventional, but whatever. I hope this chapter isn't confusing. It was a challenge explaining how to waltz with only words._

 _Anyway, thank you to all of you who take a few moments out of your day to tell me you liked this story. Considering how infrequently I thank you all, I don't deserve such kindness ;ww;. Thanks again for all your follows, favorites, and reviews, they honestly give me life. Please leave your thoughts in the reviews for this chapter (if that's what you're into), and have a greaaat day~~~~~_

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 **Word Count:** 2,070

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The Cupid Shuffle faded away once again, and Mikasa was glad it was over. The song and its lyrics made her cringe inside, and the dance itself felt awkward. Yes, it was somewhat funny once they really thought about what they were doing, but not enough to collapse into a pile. Besides, laughing hurt her ribs sometimes. It might've have been painful to join in.

Hange looked expectantly at Levi, with an "again?" sort of look. _Please no_ , Mikasa begged in her mind, and her prayers were answered. This time, Levi shook his head, leaving Hange to pout and change discs.

The scratching resumed and turned into a slow piano chord.

" _I saw a ghost on the stairs,_

" _And sheets on the tables and chairs_ ," it sang before Levi held up his hand, motioning for Hange to stop.

 _What the hell's he doing?_

"Play it from the beginning?" He politely asked, and Mikasa marveled for a moment. She'd never seen their captain acting quite so nicely.

Hange threw Levi a confused expression, but obliged anyways. As the music began again, Mikasa noticed him count to three on his fingers, starting over again after three every time.

"What do you think he's doing?" Eren whispered to her, and Mikasa shrugged, letting the music wash over her.

" _I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest,_

" _The trees keep the tempo and they sway in time,_

" _A quartet of crickets chime in for the chorus,_

" _If I were to pluck on your heartstrings would you strum on mine_ ," the player sang, and Mikasa felt Eren sway to the beat next to her.

" _If I were to pluck on your heartstrings, would you strum on… mine?_ " It finished, and the music faded away, leaving only the scratch of the needle.

Hange very carefully stopped cranking and pulled up the arm attached to the needle. A somber calm had settled over everyone, and no one said anything.

Mikasa internally recoiled as Levi walked up to her and Eren.

"What do you want, shortie?" She hissed at him under her breath. Unconsciously, she gravitated closer to Eren, as though to shield him from some unseen threat.

Levi looked up at her, his narrow eyes expressionless and calculating. "Face each other," he said.

"What?" Eren dumbly asked.

"Did I fucking stutter?" Levi coolly responded.

Very awkwardly, the two faced each other. Mikasa stared intently into Eren's large green eyes, and he stared back. Suddenly a tad embarrassed, she pulled her scarf up to cover the lower half of her face and broke eye contact.

"Closer," Levi told them, and Eren and Mikasa inched closer to each other. " _Closer_ ," Levi growled, and they took another baby step closer.

Levi heaved an exasperated sigh. "Ackerman, you're practically clinging to Jaeger your every waking moment, and he fucking lets you. What the hell do you two find wrong with fucking _standing within fifty centimeters of each other_?"

Mikasa heard a snort come from Jean, and from the corner of her eye, she saw Sasha and Connie bite back laughter. She flicked her eyes back to Eren, who looked extremely pissed. He fidgeted, tensing himself for a punch he could never deliver out of fear.

"Eren," she gently said, placing a hand on his arm. "He's just being Levi."

Levi faced Mikasa again, and almost imperceptibly narrowed his eyes. "You were not given permission to refer to me by name. Keep your arm there, it's part of the posture."

Mikasa almost let her arm drop then and there, but she kept her position, albeit somewhat awkwardly. _This entire day is just an awkward mess_ , she internally sighed.

"Good," her superior grumbled, then looked at Eren. "Take your left hand, and put it on her shoulder blade."

Stiffly, he did so, so that Mikasa's arm rested on his. They were now in embarrassingly close contact, and Mikasa felt her face flush slightly. As she pulled her scarf higher up onto her face, she saw a faint blush appear on Eren's ears and cheeks.

Levi sighed. "You guys are fucking ridiculous," he muttered, just loud enough so that Mikasa could hear it.

 _Rude_ , she thought.

"Now hold hands, but hold them away from you a bit."

Mikasa saw Eren struggle not to cry out in protest again. Quietly, she sighed and took his hand and laced their fingers together, lifting her arm out to the side, bringing his with her. She gently squeezed his hand, and she felt his tenseness ease.

In the background, she thought she saw Sasha suppress a grin, and she could have sworn she heard a snicker. She flicked her gaze over to Hange, who gave her a thumbs up. For what reason, Mikasa couldn't possibly fathom.

Levi squinted at the both of them, scrutinizing their pose. Mikasa watched Eren fidget as Levi walked around them like a vulture waiting on its prey.

"Tch, your posture is terrible," he muttered as he walked behind her.

Suddenly, she felt a firm thump on the small of her back. She flinched, then stiffened, stumbling slightly forward as she held her chest up higher and got out of the comfortable slouch she'd gotten so used to. Before she could settle back into her regular posture, Eren suddenly lurched forward as well, suddenly standing straighter as well.

Mikasa internally retreated. They were in a very intimate position, and she was sure it made him very uncomfortable. Though she secretly enjoyed it, she wanted him to not feel awkward, and she prioritized his feelings over hers. The only reason she didn't physically retreat was because she knew Levi had pushed them closer for a reason.

The devil himself reappeared in her line of vision once more. "Acceptable," he sighed, and both Eren and Mikasa relaxed slightly.

"The rest of you shits mimic them," Levi barked, and the cadets quickly followed.

Mikasa looked at the other couples and saw Connie and Sasha perfectly comfortable with the experience, making weird faces at each other and laughing. Armin wasn't so lucky, she could faintly hear him apologize over and over to Historia about how awkward he felt and Historia repeatedly telling him it was okay. Jean was another story.

"Uh, Heichou, how do I -" he began, referring to his broom.

"You pretend, idiot," Levi replied. "Do you not have an imagination? Will I have to knock one into you?" He dryly asked. It was clear Eren and Mikasa's noncompliance had made him pissed, and he was taking it out on others, the way he usually did.

Mikasa expressionlessly watched as Jean quickly changed broom hands, then pretended it was a lady, assuming best he could the posture as set by she and Eren.

"This is the posture for the waltz. It's a dance so simple Hange could do it," Levi told them, and Hange shot him a mock offended look, half a smile playing on her lips.

"Rude," she interrupted, but Levi paid her no heed and continued.

"The male, or person in the male role in queer cases, takes a step forward as their partner takes a step back with their mirrored leg on the first beat. Together, they step to the side with their other leg on the second beat, doing a quarter turn while doing so. On the third beat, they bring their feet back to the original position."

All the cadets but Jean stared blankly at him. They had no understanding of music and how to follow a beat.

Levi facepalmed. "Fuckin' idiots," he muttered, then motioned to Hange to turn the music back on.

The gentle scratch returned with the music, and Levi began dancing with an invisible girl. Mikasa felt her muscles relax as she and Eren dropped the waltz posture, enchanted by the normally angry midget dancing so beautifully in front of them.

She began to notice how the steps corresponded with the emphasis of certain words or syllables in the song, and how together, the movement brought out the beat and vice versa. They complimented each other beautifully. On their own, both the dance and the music were good, they could be enjoyed without the other there. However, they showed the best in each other when together.

There was a sudden _zzzt!_ sound, and the music suddenly was cut. Levi's arms dropped to his sides, and all the cadets realized they were staring.

Their captain turned back to them with a somewhat bored expression. "Well? Hop to it, we haven't got all day," he drawled.

Their startled faces must have been funny, because Hange suddenly began laughing. Normally, Mikasa would have preferred to take on a smoldering anger, but she knew her place, so instead she watched Hange, with a crazy grin still plastered on her face, return the needle to the outer edge of the disk.

She felt Eren grab her hand and assume the proper posture. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise.

"This doesn't make you feel awkward?" She whispered as the music began to play. Clumsily, she took a step backwards as he stepped forward, then they rotated as they stepped to the side.

Eren smiled, a rare occurrence. "Not really. Why would it?" He nonchalantly replied as they finished the third step and the pattern began again.

Mikasa was at a slight loss for words. She had no idea why she assumed he thought dancing with her would be strange or awkward. She supposed it was because she was still getting used to the fact that he no longer pushed her away all the time. Then again, that in turn be because she no longer mothered him _all_ the time.

They fell into the rhythm of the song best they could. Mikasa spoke again:

"I guess I just got used to you wanting to get away from me. You felt so tense and awkward in the beginning, too."

"Levi isn't really a person who makes anyone comfortable with another person," Eren pointed out.

"I can hear you brats talking," Levi called, but they ignored him.

"That's true. He's not exactly being _delicate_ about this," Mikasa agreed, then noticed something. "Eren, you have grey hairs."

Eren looked mildly surprised, then shifted his gaze up to his hair. "Yeah, a few. Hange says they're from stress."

"You shouldn't take part in so many of her experiments," Mikasa scolded, then noticed Hange struggling not to say anything. The hand that wasn't cranking the machine was clutched Lillian close to her, her cheeks were obviously flushed, and there was an obvious gleam of mirth in her eye as she clearly bit back laughter.

"Hange's planning something," Mikasa said, her voice so low she wasn't sure if even Eren could hear it.

"She's always planning something," Eren replied as the music began to fade. "Just ignore her."

"That was absolutely terrible. You were messy and off beat and used the wrong legs all the damn time. Now to learn a new step," Levi said shortly after the music stopped, "and Jaeger and Ackerman will be my models again."

Mikasa heard more muffled laughter, and she felt heat rise to her cheeks. She pulled her scarf back up over her face and tried to keep her composure as Levi verbally told them how to properly do an underarm spin.

It took a few tries before it started coming more naturally to the couple. Mikasa's mind began to wander to things she dared not think about normally. Did Eren plan on keeping his promise to always be with her? What did that mean, anyways? Was he aware of her feelings? She had, after all, almost kissed him when she thought they were both going to die.

 _Of course he doesn't know, he has the emotional quotient of an angry teaspoon_ , she chided herself. _Someday, though. Someday he'll know_ , she vowed, and covered her face once more with her scarf.

The music began again, and they danced. They learned a new step, practiced it, rinse and repeat. Mikasa said nothing to Eren as they danced, and he remained silent in return.

The sun was high in the sky when they stopped, a light sweat covered everyone's foreheads. Their captain gave everyone a once-over, then dismissed them for lunch.


	14. Swing

_**Author's Note xv.** __( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

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 **Word Count:** 1,921

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Sasha returned from lunch to the courtyard to continue their dancing lessons. She wasn't going to lie, she found it extremely fun to mess about with her best friends while she and Connie plotted schemes with just eye contact and weird faces.

Their superiors returns, minus one Lillian, who always took naps after lunch. Hange returned to her seat next to the machine, a phonograph or gramophone, as Sasha had learned during lunch, and changed out the record.

Sasha glanced over at her best girl friend as she waited with the other cadets for Levi. Mikasa was absently chatting with Eren, and Sasha felt a twinge of frustration. She _knew_ Mikasa had a crush on Eren; she just knew it. No one had told her, but she'd managed to figure out out.

There was the obvious, being that Mikasa only was in control of herself around Eren, and how in turn only he could coax emotions out of the stoic and reserved heroine. The way she clearly shielded him from anything that might come his way. Then there were the more subtle aspects of it, like how she'd learned to let him grow on his own. She was letting him go for the betterment of himself. How she never let that worn red scarf out of her sight.

Mikasa once told Sasha that she and Eren weren't romantically involved. When Sasha had pressed her for details, all Mikasa did was just… shut down. She covered her face with her scarf and talked to no one.

Sasha finally snapped out of her thoughts when she noticed Connie making weird faces at her.

 _What are_ you _thinking about, Sash?_ He asked, and she poked her tongue out at him.

 _None of your business, nincompoop_ , is what it meant.

"So hostile," Connie laughed aloud, and winked at her for some reason.

Sasha gave him a playful shove, laughing along with him.

Connie went up on his tiptoes and tried leaning an elbow on Sasha's shoulder, miserably failing because of the height difference. "Really though, penny for your thoughts?" He asked in a low voice.

Sasha sighed and brushed him off. "I can see what's happening" She furiously whispered.

"What?" Connie began, but Sasha wasn't finished.

"And she hasn't got a _clue_!"

" _Who_?"

"She fell in love, and here's the bigger catch: he's blind to how she acts!"

"I still can't tell if we're talking about Eren and Mikasa or Jean and Levi's broomstick."

"Shut up and let me finish, Connie," Sasha quietly chided. They were far enough away from everyone so that only he could hear her. Strangely, her voice changed slightly, acquiring a recited tone to it, and it felt as though she were half-singing.

"Ze sweet caress of twilight; there's _magic_ everywhere!"

"We're outside and everyone's swea-"

"Yet even with all this ro _man_ tic atmosphere, _no one seems to care_."

Sasha sighed at the end of her strained whisper of a song. She was about to continue when their captain finally came outside.

"I wonder what took so long," she wondered aloud.

"Kids are a lot of work. Believe me, I have… erm… had…. two younger siblings," Connie replied, his voice slowly becoming incomprehensible towards the end. Sasha didn't push it; she knew grieving cycles took far longer than a mere six weeks.

"Hange, did you change the record?" Levi demanded, and Hange nodded, adopting a more formal posture. She began cranking the handle, and an upbeat tune faded in.

However, as soon as the words began playing, Sasha knew she was doomed. Her hands immediately flew to her ears, but she still winced as the lyrics pierced her eardrums.

" _I hear your heartbeat to the beat of the drums,_

" _Oh, what a shame, that you came here with some-one~_

" _But while you're here in my arms,_

" _We'll make the most of the night like we're going to die young._

" _We're going to die young._ "

Levi scrunched up his face and held up his hand, motioning for Hange to stop. When she didn't, he aggressively marched over and violently yanked the needle away from the still-spinning record, causing it to emit another _zzzt!_ sound.

Sasha's ears were ringing, and she was positive that they'd never be the same again. _I hope this doesn't affect my hunting skills_ , she thought, then suddenly felt claustrophobic. Not being able to hear everything around her made her feel unsafe and closed in. She didn't like it.

She noticed Connie giving her a concerned look, but she gave him a somewhat pained smile. Her ears would recover for the most part.

Levi took the record off the phonograph and snapped it in half. "Playing that is bad luck, I've decided," he said, and tossed the broken disc off to the side. Hange pouted slightly, but chose another random disc and began playing it.

" _Jump into that water and see for yourself_

" _Take a deep breath and hold it in, hold it in_."

Levi stopped the song again, but not to toss it out. He once again used Eren and Mikasa as his dancing dummies, teaching them the basics to something called "swing dancing."

Honestly, Sasha loved it. It was free-flowing and fast paced. Though she found it odd being dipped by someone half a head shorter than she, she enjoyed learning it. The fact that the song was played more or less on loop got rather annoying after a while, though.

The sun bathed the land in golden light when an idea dawned on Sasha on how to get Eren and Mikasa together.

"Hey Connie," she whispered as they stepped back and forth with the beat.

"Yeah, Sash?" he whispered back.

"I have an idea. You know that step where I sorta just get twirled out and then brought back in?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but continue."

"Just dance closer to Eren and Mikasa, and I'll do the rest. You'll see. I know what I'm doing." That last part was more of Sasha talking to herself, assuring herself that this wasn't a terrible idea in the slightest.

"Sasha, I swear to god, if you're trying to set them up…"

"What? It's not a _bad_ idea, just trust me."

Connie grinned at her. "I never said it sounded like a bad idea."

The next few moments started out as though they were nothing, then slowed down when her time came.

" _But liiife isss, 'oh my god, if I tell him_ ," Sasha watched as Mikasa began to get dipped. She let go of Connie with one hand and began to spin away.

" _'He'll tell her_." Sasha used her momentum and aimed a kick at Eren's shin.

" _'And then she will know..._ " She kicked his leg out from beneath him and his other leg buckled as he began to fall.

" _'That I…_ " Mikasa began to fall backwards, dragging Eren down with her. Sasha began to twirl back to Connie.

" _'Like her;_ ' " Sasha looked back just in time to see Eren and Mikasa's lips collide as they both crashed to the ground.

The song continued like nothing ever happened, but the cadets stopped dancing.

"Hey Jean, you owe me a sil!" Sasha heard Armin yell as the couple's faces blushed bright red and Eren scrambled off of Mikasa. Sasha wanted to squee. No one noticed when Hange stopped the song.

Eren raced to his feet, his face nearly the same shade as a tomato. Mikasa sat up, vainly trying to conceal her own blush with her scarf.

"That doesn't count, Armin!" Jean called back.

Sasha felt very confused as to what Jean and Armin were yelling about. What the hell did making Eren and Mikasa sort-of-accidentally kiss have to do with money?

She glanced over at Historia, who looked like she was about to explode. From what, Sasha couldn't tell, but at least there was _some_ life in her eyes. She glanced over at Levi and Hange. Levi looked like he was ready to kill everyone for getting so distracted and Hange also looked like she was going to explode, but she clearly would have exploded from excitement.

Eren looked absolutely furious. His fists were clenched at his sides, and he was looking around wildly, his eyes reflecting a look of a wild animal.

"What the _fuck_ is going on?" Historia asked with a straight face, her tone suddenly seriour.

"Does it matter?" Levi dryly inquired. Hange vivaciously nodded her head, but was ignored.

Historia looked their captain right in the eye. "I'd quite like to know," she boldly stated.

"Then why don't you ask who started all this?" he apathetically replied.

All eyes were suddenly on Sasha, and she broke out in a nervous sweat. "I, uh… got sick of them beating around the bush."

"What?" Mikasa asked, a low fire burning in her eyes.

"Oh, come on! Everyone can tell you both care for each other on a much deeper level than just _friends_ ," Armin yelled. Sasha covered her mouth to conceal her jaw drop; she never would have expected _Armin_ to be the one who stepped right into Mikasa's fury.

"Dismissed!" Hange called, deciding that they were not going to go any farther with all this going on. Levi glowered at her, but objected, sensing everyone's lack of focus as well.

Mikasa's eyes went wide with shock, and not to be racist or anything, but Sasha was amazed to see her entire iris visible.

She felt Connie tug on her shirtsleeve, pulling her towards headquarters, where everyone could sit down and talk all this out. As she was dragged away, Sasha looked back at the courtyard and saw Historia stalking away as Mikasa looked half embarrassed, half angry, and completely ready to blow off some steam.

Connie dragged her behind a bush and they both ducked behind it. "Are you _sure_ that was a good idea, Sash?" he hissed at her.

She looked through a gap in the leaves at the trio. They appeared to be arguing, but she couldn't hear them. Jean was nowhere in sight. "I don't know, but it was so obvious how Mikasa felt, and she was obviously never going to do anything on her own. Unless you count that time when she thought they were going to die, she'd never make a move as far as we know, so _something_ obviously had to get the ball rolling."

"So you just wanted them to kiss already since the chemistry between them was so obvious?"

"Exactly!"

"Kind of sounds like another couple we know," Connie suddenly laughed.

Sasha shifted her gaze over to him. "Connie…?" she asked. He was leaning towards her, and she felt him gently press his lips against hers.

Her heart stopped for a moment, then another, then it returned with a wild, pounding fury that reminded her of her first real sighting of a titan. Adrenaline pumped through her, though it wasn't bad. In fact, she felt blissful, and while the kiss had been unexpected, she closed her eyes and returned it.

The moment she forgot her surroundings was exactly when Jean shouted above their heads:

"Hey, look at _these_ two lovebirds!"

* * *

 ** _Actual Author's Note xv._** _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Oh yes I did. I did just write that. Actually I wrote that like, three or four weeks ago, but ohh yes. I regret nothing! Nothing, I say, nothing! Not even the shameless parody of_ The Lion King _'s_ Can You Feel the Love Tonight _, even if it was hardly even a parody_! _Yee~ I'm such a piece of trash *slowly sips milk*. Anyway, if you're new to the fic, then drop a follow if you liked it, or a favorite if you_ reeeaaaaaalllyyyy _liked it. And as usual, reviews are always greatly appreciated! Have a greaaat daayyyy~~  
_


	15. Mysteries Revisited

**Word Count:** 1,958

* * *

Eren and Mikasa avoided each other for days after the accidental kiss. The cadets grew exasperated with them coming up with excuse after excuse to leave the room as soon as the other entered, especially since a fair number of them knew about something they had oddly codenamed "chapter fifty."

Where they got the codename, no one ever figured out, but their evasion eventually got to the point where Sasha had a lengthy conversation with Historia about it. After that conversation, Historia had quietly excused herself, and Sasha didn't see her again until the next day, and was surprised to see that Eren and Mikasa had seemed to come to terms with their feelings for each other, as shown by them holding hands on occasion.

"How did you ever do it?" Sasha asked in a hushed voice.

"It's a long story," Historia replied with a wink.

Soon afterwards, the dancing lessons returned, and they continued for weeks. Jean grew exceptionally good at waltzing with Levi's broomstick, but deep down, everyone's favorite was swing dancing. It was flowing, free, and fast-paced, all things they yearned for in life.

The wedding itself took place at the Corps Headquarters, in the back near the soldier memorial stones. Hange found it quite boring. She wasn't really one for romance, and found her mind wandering throughout the ceremony.

Hange casually munched on cake as music quietly played in the background during the reception. Erwin sat next to her, and Levi across from her with Lillian on his lap.

Mike and Nanaba came up to the trio, elated smiles on both their faces.

"We're so glad you could come," Nanaba said, looking as if she were on the verge of tears– oh, but the happy kind.

"Of course; we're your friends," Hange answered in surprise.

The couple sat down with them. "It's been a while since we've been able to chat like them, though," Mike said. "We've all been so busy with things lately. Levi, you've had Lillian to take care of; Hange, her science; and of course, our dear Commander Erwin has his commanding duties to do."

"Yes, well, these things do happen," Erwin assured them. "It's been a busy few months." He scanned the reception scene. A small smile formed on his lips. "But it's been great."

"We actually got married because of Lillian. Just seeing her around made me remember that life is a gift, and there are some things about it that shouldn't be missed," Nanaba softly said. "Sounds cheesy, I know, but we just wanted to thank you for keeping her. She's an inspiration."

Levi had absolutely no way of responding to that, so his heart did for him by skipping a beat.

 _That's right,_ he thought, subconsciously pulling Lillian closer to him. _I've forgotten that as skilled as we are, we aren't immortal._ She squirmed in his arms, trying to get into a more comfortable position. He looked down at her.

 _Life is a gift._

"Anyway, we should get going now," Mike said. "Lots of guests, lots of food, and a guaranteed month off from dying to enjoy." He helped his now-wife up. They gave a little nod and walked off to continue on their way.

"That was nice," Hange said with cake in her mouth.

"Four-eyes, that's gross, close your mouth," Levi chided.

Erwin chewed his food thoughtfully, then swallowed and asked, "Why _did_ you keep Lillian anyway? You had no obligation to."

Hange poked Lillian with her spoon in an attempt to get her to grab it. "Erwin, we've had Lily for like, what, four months, and you're only _just_ asking this question?"

"Am I not allowed to ask questions about an incident after twenty-four hours have passed?"

The two continued to quarrel as Levi just sat there quietly, an annoyed expression on his face. "What does it matter to you two anyway? I'd never _planned_ on having kids, but I know the value in a life. Besides, the orphanages are overrun with brats, another one would just add the the stress of another. It would have been selfish to have given Lillian up for that sort of life," he apathetically told them.

Suddenly, it was as though a light lit up in Hange's head. "Where _did_ Lillian come from?"

"Didn't you say it was through 'love and magic' or some bullshit like that?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"That's just it; it's _bullshit_. Best I had at the time, but still bullshit. What if-" she began, but another woman, carrying a young baby in her arms, came up to where the trio was sitting. "Oh, Helena. Long time no see; are you here to visit Eld's memorial stone? Why didn't you visit sooner?"

The petite blonde woman took a seat near her late husband's coworkers and cradled her baby. "I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," she said in a soft voice. "I hadn't known there was a wedding today." She lightly laughed. "But I met the bride and groom; they seem like nice people. Understood what I was here for and said I was welcome to take part in the festivities. I would have visited Eld's stone earlier, but Ella here has been taking a lot out of me," Helena sighed, then her gaze fell on Lillian. "Rivaille, no one told me you had children."

"It's a long story," Erwin cut in, and Helena accepted that.

"Her name's Lillian," Hange chimed in.

"Anyway, it should be easier to visit now, since Ella can sleep through the nights now."

Lillian saw a kindred spirit and squirmed on Levi's lap, reaching over at Ella.

Helena laughed. "I think they're going to be good friends when they get older," she commented. "Hm, well I doubt you'll ever take me up on this offer, but if you ever need Lillian off your hands for an expedition, I'd be happy to take her."

The adults made conversation, but Hange wasn't focused on it. The gears were whirring in her head, and she wished she could be in her lab, scribbling down notes and putting pieces together faster than her hand could plausibly move.

Finally, the entire wedding ordeal was over, and the moment it was, Hange dragged Levi into her lab with Lillian in tow.

"What the _fuck_ , four-eyes?" he spat as Hange dragged him and his daughter into her ill-lit lab and began tearing notebooks off the already messy shelves. She occasionally took one down and rapidly flipped through the pages before tossing it off the the side and looking for more.

"You know how I admitted that my original hypothesis was just a bunch of bullshit?" she asked, louder than she intended. She assumed Levi answered her, but she wasn't paying attention anyway. "Well I was thinking, and if she was actually physically created _outside_ of a person - it's hard to explain - then someone would have had to drop her off on the doorstep of the Corps!"

"They'd need permission to get in, though," Levi pointed out.

" _Exactly!_ That means that whoever left her here must _be_ or _once have been_ part of the Scouts!" She finally found the notes she was looking for and threw it down on one of her cluttered worktables, yanking a chair out and plonking down on it. As though possessed, she tore through the pages, looking for the most recent empty page.

"Yeah, _so_?"

"Remember Reiner and Bertholt? God knows where they're from, other than outside these walls, but it's more than likely that they have far more advanced technology than what we have inside! So basically, this _new_ hypothesis is that somehow, in some way, _created Lillian_ , rode all the way out to meet whoever made her in the dead of night, then come back and dropped her off on the doorstep the morning we got her!"

"How the _fuck_ would they have made her?"

"You know how the Corps has samples of everyone's DNA in multiple forms? Blood, saliva, sem-"

"Yes, Hange, I know!" Levi cut in. "They have a sample of everyone's reproductive cells in the case of rape; what are you getting at?"

"Remember how I couldn't find your blood samples when I did those tests on Lillian? Looking back on that, I couldn't find any of your DNA samples."

"So they _stole_ them from Petra and I? Then how'd you test for Petra?"

"You'd be surprised how old blood can get before you can't test on it anymore, _but that's not the point_! We don't keep women's eggs, for the obvious reason that they're too inconvenient to harvest, but there are rare cases where we'll have to cultivate people's bone marrow cells for whatever reason, and by sheer coincidence, _Petra happened to be one of them_!"

"So what?!"

Hange slammed down her pen and stared at Levi. "Bone marrow produces stem cells," she said, as though the rest of the answers just fell in place after that. When all she got back was a blank stare, she heaved an exasperated sigh. "Stem cells can become any type of specialized cell, _get with the program, Levi!_

"So if they stole the bone marrow, they could have gotten stem cells of her that could be converted into any other type of cell, _right_? And I'm not sure if I'm getting all my facts straight, but that _should_ include reproductive cells, _RIGHT_? ? "

Levi didn't even bother replying anymore at this point, but Hange didn't care.

"So if they got stem cells from her bone marrow, and had them undergo a process so that they turned into _egg_ cells instead of _T_ cells - I have no idea how they'd do that, but they only change in the thymus or something, so I don't think it's a stretch to say it's _possible_ \- then boom they have the genetic material from the both of you to make Lillian in a petri dish or something! _And_ this would also explain where the hell they were the day we found her! Reiner and Bertholt, they were nowhere to be found all that morning and afternoon, probably since they were exhausted from pulling an all-nighter! It all makes perfect sense!"

"Then how the fuck did you test for Lily's mother?"

"They only stole her bone marrow. I didn't notice because I'd forgotten at the time, but I was looking through the old records the other day and I found the logs that talked about her last bone marrow donation, which - random fact of the day - was three days before we went on the fifty-seventh expedition outside the walls. They clearly had a good grasp on biology to know that just her bone marrow would be enough to do the job."

"I don't think _you_ have enough grasp on biology to understand that babies take nine months to develop."

"They probably have super-technology! Lillian's probably a _test tube baby_ , for goodness' sakes; I'm pretty sure they can speed up the development of a human child from nine months to one, Levi."

"Yeah, that's great, except that we don't know their motive."

Hange suddenly stopped scribbling and slammed her pen down again. Her eyes burned with the low fire of determination and seriousness as she said, "that's the thing. Lillian might be bugged."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note I'm Just Going To Pretend Is xv._** _*me, holding back tears* fuck you mike is totally still alive. I have changed my mind about keeping all canon deaths; this is a canon divergence haha I can keep whoever I want alive._

 _As an explanation, I just... got attached so much more to the characters from when I first started writing_ Lovechild _, especially the vets, since I only had a loose attachment to them before. So... I decided to give them a bit more spotlight! Well, it'll probably be more in the future, since it'd be too much work to do an overhaul of the entire fic. :P._

* * *

 ** _Actual Author's Note for the chapter xvi._** _Look, it's a nerd dump! Haha, but really, have some better closure on where Lillian comes from. Also,_ _I knew it. I called this before, someone unfollowed and unfavorited because of last chapter. *slowly sips milk* and I know exactly which one of you did it because I stalk you all, I'm not gonna lie. Not in the I'm-going-to-find-out-where-you-live type of way, no, that's creepy, but in the sense that I sort of get to know you guys' preferences based off of whatever you happen to favorite/write or whatever your profile says. It's not that important anyway, like it says in the description,_ romance isn't the focus of the fic _. Yeah, they'll be in the background, but it's negligible for now. But anyway, I'm just being petty. If you're new to the fic, feel free to drop a follow or favorite, they make me really happy. And as always, leave your thoughts in the reviews (they always make my day *w*), and have a greaaat dayyy~_


	16. Deleted Scenes

**Word Count:** 2,246

* * *

From _Sex Ed_ :

"Ah, yes. That is the gist of it, but do you know what sex is?" Hange challenged.

Jean halfheartedly raised his hand. "My mom told me that babies fell from the sky at the stroke of midnight and were kept there until parents found them."

At that, Sasha raised her hand as well. "My dad told me that they were delivered to doorsteps on the backs of wolves."

"My parents told me that a stork dropped them off in the middle of the night," Connie said.

"Personally, my parents told me that if you picked the most beautiful flower in a field and put it in a box, after nine months, a baby will be there, but all of what you guys have said today are lies," Hange told them in a matter-of-fact tone.

* * *

Afterwards, an inevitable question arose. "Hange, you confirmed that Lillian is biologically related to both Levi-Heichou and Petra-senpai, right?" Armin asked.

His classmates violently shushed him, not wanting to stay any longer, as the light was fading with the approach of evening.

Hange folded one arm across her chest, using it to prop up her other elbow so she could rest her cheek on her hand. "Yes, I did. Why do you ask?"

"If Heichou and Petra never had sex, which would obviously result in Petra never getting pregnant, then how could Lillian be related to them? It can't just be magic and love."

Hange straightened up and waved her hand almost lazily. "The rest of you are dismissed to dinner, if you wish. The main lesson is over."

* * *

From _Hypothesis II_ (Never published/finished. Ideas explored in this chapter were later explored in _Mysteries Revisited_ ):

The moment Hange told the cadets they were dismissed, Sasha dropped her textbook and sprinted out the door, closely followed by everyone but Armin. He looked expectantly up at his teacher, ready to absorb any information he gave her.

"Go fix the clock," she immediately told him.

"What?" Armin asked, amazed that Hange knew about the clocks.

"You heard me. I know you switched those clocks around when we were gone, I'm not blind."

"I don't know what time it is," Armin claimed.

Hange motioned towards the window, where light was still streaming in. "It's early summer, not a cloud in the sky. Figure it out from there."

* * *

From _Thirds_ (Chapter Fifteen):

Connie twiddled his thumbs as he and the rest of the new Levi Squad save Eren sat around the meeting table. Hange's squad sat politely on a couch around a coffee table in the corner. Levi slowly sipped tea. No one said a word for a while.

"So you said the Military Police tortured Pastor Nick, right?" Armin slowly asked.

Levi nodded and put his cup on the table. "We're still not sure how much he revealed before he died, if anything at all, but Hange hypothesizes that it has something to do with Historia."

The girl in question stiffened slightly, but no one said anything as their captain continued.

"She narrowed it down to two suspects, policemen Djel Sanes and Ralph, for a few reasons that don't really matter right now."

"Ralph? Just plain _Ralph_?" Connie asked, and their captain took a long sip of tea that reminded him of a soldier savoring their alcohol.

"It appears so. We're going to abduct them, but we're going to need a distraction."

"The distraction's pretty important too, since it's also going to double as a lure for some greedy capitalist hags. Kind of complicated, but we're going to need Armin and Jean for it," Hange said, wandering into the room.

Everyone but Levi jumped in their skins.

Hange looked thoughtful. "Actually, we're going to need a lot of people for this. Dunno who's going to take care of Lillian while we're gone."

" _Gone_?" Jean asked.

"Where's Eren?" Mikasa simultaneously said.

"Ah, we just finished up some experiments and he's taking a nap; it's not important right now. What's important right now is getting those MP's and their information," Hange told them.

"Okay, but what's going to happen to Lillian?" Levi patiently questioned.

"Well, since Eren and Historia aren't going anywhere for a while, for you know, being potentially arrested and fugitives and stuff, they can keep watch over one measly child for a few measly hours."

Everyone exchanged glances, and Molbit took a swig of whatever was in his hip flask.

"So… we're doing this now?" Armin slowly asked.

"Well, we'd have to throw a wig on Jean and doll you up so that you look like Historia, but in essence, yes, we are doing this now," Hange casually explained.

Molbit took another gulp of what everyone assumed to be alcohol and Armin would have choked on nothing had he not developed some form of immunity to Hange's weirdness.

* * *

The abduction of the policemen was nothing special. Though, if one thought about it, it was special because of how smooth and insignificant it seemed compared to most of the crazy happenings that had been going on as of late.

The cadets listened to Djel and Ralph's tortured screams, highly perturbed. It was late at night, but none of them could sleep, for their stomachs were empty and their minds were full.

Even Lillian was down there with them. She couldn't be left alone in Levi's room without someone there should she start accidentally suffocating herself, but the screams of the damned weren't exactly a soothing lullaby to her.

Jean pounded his head against the table. "What's the big fuckin' deal? What the fuck are we even _doing_ down here? Listening to people get tortured to death, that's what. It's sick." He looked Eren straight in the eye. "I ask you, what in the _fuck_ are we doing here.'

"Say 'fuck' one more time, and I swear, Lillian's going to think that's her name when she's older," Historia dryly commented, bouncing the child in question on her knee as she did so.

No one said anything for a few seconds.

"Is it just me, or is Historia becoming strangely like Heichou - dryly sarcastic and dead inside?" Connie whispered to Sasha, who had to restrain her laughter.

Levi and Hange entered the room, covered in blood. The normally spotless Levi looked perfectly at home with drying red-brown stains splattered all over his front, and it horrified the cadets.

"They _still_ won't speak?" Armin asked.

Hange shook her head. "We're making a little progress; we're giving them a break right now. Djel's getting close to cracking though, I can feel it."

Lillian suddenly had a sneeze and sniffle fit.

Levi looked at her. "She sneezed."

Connie looked at their captain with some confusion. "Yeah, so? We sneeze all the time and you don't give two shits."

Lillian sneezed again, and a large clump of snot shot out of her nose and slowly fell to the floor in a long, long string.

"You guys don't do _that_ ," Levi pointed out, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his daughter's nose, none too gently.

"Oh come on, Levi, she's probably just caught a cold or something," Hange said, wiping her hands on an already filthy handkerchief of her own.

"People die from diseases all the time, Hange," Eren pointed out.

"That's what I'm _here_ for. Resident scientist and could-probably-do-anything-if-they-tried-person right here."

" _Scientist_ and _doctor_ are _not_ synonyms," Armin said.

Hange mimed checking a watch. "Well would you look at the time. The prisoners have had far too long a break. Levi, grab the scripts-"

"What scripts?"

"-and we'll get the truth out of Djel one way or another."

Levi was dragged from the room, and all the cadets but Historia exchanged mildly confused glances.

* * *

Levi split off from the main group before they entered Trost, wearily holding Lillian as he urged his horse to gallop through the streets of town, searching for Eld's old house. Not one of the members of the Corps could stay behind to care for her; the mission was the delicate. Not that there were many Corps members to spare anyway. These last few missions had worn their numbers down to perhaps less than the fifties. Levi didn't know for sure, since he didn't care enough to check the records.

He slid down his horse and walked up to the front door, grateful that Eld had lived in the more rural countrysides rather than the bustling towns where everyone would have ogled at him, whispering among themselves, " _why does he have a child with him?_ "

He knocked at the door, and as expected, an exhausted-looking Helena opened the door with Ella sleeping soundly in a sling at her hip. She didn't look surprised to see humanity's strongest at her door with Lillian; she'd been expecting them for some time now, but the thought of caring for another child for a few days didn't make her any less weary.

She wordlessly took Lillian from him, giving him her best salute as he left. She heaved a sigh when he was out of earshot as Lillian wriggled in her arms and began whining.

"Now, now, don't be making a fuss like that," Helena said. "Remember me? You saw me about a week ago; I'm no stranger."

This did nothing for Lillian, as she began to squirm more in the woman's arms and began to fuss.

Helena wanted to collapse in a chair, but doing so might have squashed Ella.

She'd been very exhausted as of late. Her parents had moved in with her, so that her late husband's house didn't feel quite so empty and to help her through her grief and pregnancy. Rearing a child more or less alone was no easy feat, either, though it was easier than she'd anticipated with her parents here to help.

But dealing with your parents as you try to parent your own way is honestly a lot harder than it sounds. Why she even agreed to take on a second child for a few hours or days, Helena didn't even know anymore.

She blocked out the sounds of Lillian's cries, knowing that her separation anxiety would lighten up soon enough.

She was right, but her mom came in from the backyard at that very moment, talking on and on about _something_ ; Helena wasn't listening. Thoroughly exasperated, she took Ella out of her sling and clutched her to her chest as she slowly fell sideways on the couch, making dying whale noises as though she were a teenage girl again.

Her mother paused, then giggled as she gave her daughter a friendly push on the shoulder. "Children are very stressful, aren't they?" she playfully asked.

"Nghh. I regret everything I did as a child. You have cursed me to suffer through the other side of my own childhood sins."

Her mother laughed again and took Lillian, who had stopped crying, from her lap and patted her shoulder. "Come now, there's laundry to be done."

* * *

From _Babysat_ (Chapter Sixteen):

Lillian didn't know where she was. She hardly knew who she was with, but they smelled okay, so that meant it couldn't be the worst thing in the world.

But she still wanted the smelly lady with the messy hair to come get her, and to bring her back to the familiarity of home. Or the cold, reclusive man to scoff down at her tiny form before snuggling her.

She was aware the messy lady wasn't her mother; her voice wasn't right. None of the voices she'd heard matched the one of her mother's, though the memory of it had been fading quickly over the months. But she was kind and cheerful and took good care of Lillian.

She wasn't sure who the man was in relation to her, however. She'd heard his voice before coming to live in the stone house, or at least she thought she did. He kept his distance from her most of the time, though to her he seemed more like a silent protector. Not quite like a father, but not a stranger either.

There were other humans that she lived with that she'd grown somewhat attached to. Most notably the boy with the yellow hair, who often opened up these strange white things and spoke aloud to her as he turned these thin, white sheets. Sometimes they had pictures, more often than not they didn't, but she still found him a very funny creature. Then again, all his friends were weird.

The lady on which Lillian sat on had greying hair pinned up in a severe bun, and she smelled like mothballs. Her heart as light and her tone kind, however, so she didn't fuss.

The other woman, the one with yellow hair, put her baby down in a corner on the floor and said something to the grey lady, who in turn gently placed Lillian down on the floor beside the other baby and together, the women left the room.

Curious about this strange person in front of her, Lillian consciously willed her arms and legs to move, crawling clumsily over to it and fell backwards onto her butt to sit.

It was small, smaller than her, and it seemed to prefer staying on its belly rather than sitting up. Lillian couldn't understand why, though, since sitting on one's bum felt far more comfortable than lying on one's belly.

She carefully prodded the human in front of her, babbling to herself in her own language.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xvi(i?)._** _No, that inclusion of that section of Chapter Sixteen was not a mistake. I hit a huge snag on chapter fifteen, but I really couldn't let it go to waste. And there were those parts of chapters nine, and what was going to be chapter ten; I hope those were sort of enlightening. Anyway, since it's summer, I should be able to write moarrr and get more padding for next school year. :33  
_

 _But anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this little peek at a what-could-have been a chapter(s)! If you're new to the fic and you enjoyed it, then drop a follow, they're always appreciated! Or, if you really liked it, leave a favorite, those are always really great. And as always, tell me your thoughts in the reviews (if that's what you're into~), and as always, have a greaaat dayyy~~_


	17. Sass

**Word Count:** 1,686

* * *

Levi looked from Lillian to Hange and back to Lillian. " _What_?" he said, not even angry or in disbelief, just confused.

Hange continued scribbling like mad, but didn't say anything more. She ran out of clean paper, and began flipping through the notebook when she suddenly stopped and stood up.

"Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," she said.

"You're full of it today," Levi dryly said, but Hange ignored him.

"Nick - murder - police," her words came out in frantic fragments as she tore through the notebook again. She suddenly paused and muttered, "I've got to start labeling these things."

"Pastor Nick was murdered by the police? When?"

"About two weeks ago. I think the police killed him because they know shit and they knew _he_ knew shit, and because they knew he knew the shit, but they _themselves_ didn't know the details of the shit, they tortured him for the shit, and once they knew the shit, they killed it so only they knew. What that shit was, I don't know right now, but we need to get that that that, uhh what was his name." Hange repeatedly snapped her fingers, searching for the right word. "DJEL, that was his name, and Ralph, they were on the scene when Nick was murdered."

"Uhuh. And this means…?"

"We need to get Djel or Ralph, and get whatever that shit is out of them, because if it's enough to get them to kill Nick, then it must be important."

"What about Lillian? The whole bugged thing? We're not going to address that?"

"Eh? That can wait; they probably got information on the _walls_ out of him."

"The people from the Homelands are probably spying on us and learning about every little detail about our daily lives and location through Lillian," Levi dryly said.

"And what could possibly go wrong with them knowing about our little slice of life?" Hange countered.

"Hange, we can't just be giving out this information to strangers."

"Well, as long as we don't talk about our plans in front of Lillian anymore, or at least until we can figure out if they've got spyware in her and remove it, then it shouldn't be a problem, hmm?"

"But-"

Hange threw her notebook down on the table. "Just accept the change of subject and help me abduct the fucking policemen."

* * *

The abduction of the policemen was nothing special. Though, if one thought about it, it was special because of how smooth and insignificant it seemed compared to most of the crazy happenings that had been going on as of late.

The cadets had listened on at Djel and Raph's tortured screams. With Lillian in the room at the time (since she couldn't be left alone for too long, lest she accidentally asphyxiate herself), it really made them question the concept of right or wrong and _how important is this information anyway_? The idea that they were going to go to such lengths to obtain it perturbed them to no end.

Djel did end up giving them some very important information that night, however. After revealing that Historia was tied very closely to the secrets of the walls and indeed the true heiress to the throne, she agreed that when the military overthrew the current king, she would take her place as the true queen.

So they staged an abduction that ended up less staged than planned. Lillian stayed with Helena for that time, and since everything more or less worked out in the end (there was a very big panic about a very large titan, but that's not important right now), no one was the wiser at the end of it all.

Old King Fritz had with some, ahem, _gentle persuasion_ , finally stepped down, temporarily leaving the walls without a monarchy.

Now, about a month later with only the military in command for the time being, everyone was hastily preparing for the coronation of Queen Historia. The Recon Corps, especially, since they were in custody of the girl-turning-queen.

There was a close shave where she'd almost got abducted while taking a breather through the streets of Sina, but since she was a trained member of the military, she was able to fight the creep off. That didn't prevent Commander Erwin from giving Historia a few bodyguards, though.

"This is ridiculous," Historia complained to Mikasa as they hung around in a bar with Armin and Jean, her other two temporary bodyguards. They weren't there for the alcohol, though, just to hang around, and in Jean's case, hit on the waitresses. "He's treating me like a child. _You need bodyguards_ , my ass; I fought off that asshat just fine on my own."

"Calm down, Historia. You're literally _the_ most important figure in the walls right now, and probably the most controversial one, too. Of _course_ there's going to be people after you to restore the old monarchy," Armin reasoned.

Historia sighed, and requested another glass of water from the bartender as she buried her face in her hands.

"You can die if you drink too much water you know," Mikasa warned as Jean hit on yet _another_ waitress in the background, who rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, sure, I'll drink a ton of water and my bladder will explode. Pretty sure I'll piss myself before that happens, Mikasa."

"Still, I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this. It's not like you've _found Ymir_ and are secretly seeing her because she's a heretic now."

"True, true. But I like my privacy, you know?"

Armin nervously laughed. "You'd better get used to having no privacy, Historia. You know in olden days, the queen used to give birth in front of a huge crowd to prove that whatever baby was born was the true heir and not some kid swapped at birth."

The tiny blonde girl made a face. "Well good thing I'm a lesbian then, I don't ever want to do that."

"I thought you were bi," Jean commented.

"Well it's guys like you that makes me swing solely towards girls," Historia shot back as she took a sip of water.

Half the bar went " _ohhhhhh_ ," as Historia put the glass of water down with a hardy _plonk!_

Jean's face flushed with embarrassment and anger, but there was nothing he could do about the sassy queen-to-be sassing him. "Well at least I _bathed_ regularly," he found himself retorting.

" _Bathed_ , huh? Funny how there's an ed at the end of that, huh?"

Mikasa took a sip of her own water, listening intently to the conversation. "Judging from your smell, Jean, I wouldn't be surprised if she was right," she said.

"Oh, so you're _smelling_ me now, huh? What happened to your _boyfriend_ , hmm? Sure you don't want to dump him for me?" Jean taunted, but Mikasa simply put her glass of water down and faced him, staring him balefully in the eye.

"I can only tell what you smell like because it reeks of teenage boy sweat all the way over here," she calmly replied, then turned back to face the bartender.

The crowd howled with laughter again, and Jean was nearing the end of his rope. "How do you know it's not Armin? He's closer to you anyway."

"Armin smells like soap. I know because I have friends I can group hug after a mission."

Jean almost fell off his barstool, he was so shocked and hurt. _I have friends_ , he thought. But the more he thought about it, the less they seemed as friends rather than just close acquaintances.

"Oh Jean, you know we're just teasing you," Armin quickly said, probably having noticed the taller boy's shocked expression.

"It's okay," the other boy grumbled, pushing his drink away from him. A passing waitress gave him a concerned look, but he ignored her for once.

"When did _you_ become so sassy?" Historia asked Mikasa, sounding mildly impressed.

The raven-haired girl simply shrugged. "It just comes naturally in some conversations."

Armin suddenly laughed.

"What's so funny?" Historia queried.

"I just realized something. You know how kids can't really pronounce complex names very well, like _Historia_?" he replied, a ridiculous grin on his face.

"...Yes?"

Armin snorted. "What if Lillian ends up calling you 'auntie Hissy' or something like that because she can't pronounce 'Historia' properly or something like that."

Jean bit back laughter as Historia made a face.

"Well, who's to say she'll call me 'auntie' or even by my first name?" she challenged.

"Oh yes, you're going to visit HQ all the time and demand that this young child call you 'Queen Reiss' as everyone else just calls you plain ol' 'Historia;' yes, I can _totally_ see that happening."

Historia opened her mouth, probably to say something really sassy, but the blond boy held up a hand to cut her off.

"Before you say anything, don't you dare even say you're not going to visit us, because we all know you're going to want a break from all the royal duties and dumb politics that come with being queen."

For the first time that night, Historia was at a loss for a comeback. Finally, she took a swig of water as though it were pure moonshine and darkly muttered, "She can call me Christa or something if that's the case, because I do _not_ need the nickname 'Queen Hissy' and the implications that would follow it."

She then paused and glared at her bodyguards. "But she'll be the _only_ one able to call me that," she suddenly snarled. "Christa the persona is behind me, but since she won't know it, I can make up a lie about it and she'll believe me. But you guys know the story behind it, and I am _not_ okay with you guys intentionally calling me by my old name, got that?"

Her friends were stone silent.

" _Crystal_ clear," Armin suddenly grinned, winking at Historia.

"Did you just make a really bad pun that doesn't even make much sense out of my old name?"

"Maybe."

"ARLET, I WILL HAVE YOUR _HEAD_!"

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xviii._** _Aren't Roman numerals fun? :33 But anyway, I had a pretty big struggle with this chapter before just canning it all together and writing this out in like, a night or so. And I have to say, I'm far more satisfied with this chapter than what you guys saw in the deleted scenes. Sorry if the characters aren't as much sassy as they are rather rude, but I suck at sass. Anyway, if you're new to the fic and you liked it, drop a follow or favorite or something, they're always nice. Leave your thoughts in the reviews (if that's what you're into), even if this isn't the latest chapter! And as always, a huge thank you to all of those who took a few seconds and followed, favorited, or reviewed - I'd love to give y'all a shoutout, but that'd take up too much time, but as always, have a greaaat daaayyy~_


	18. Coronation

**Word Count:** 3,541

* * *

Erwin stuck out like a sore thumb in the church where the former Survey Corps cadet was about to get coronated queen, with his luscious eyebrows and his towering stature of one hundred eighty-eight centimeters. Oh, and he was also leading fifty-something grim-faced soldiers in ratty clothing into the church as though they were ducklings; that probably accounted for a good chunk of the stares he was getting.

But he liked to think that everyone just really liked his eyebrows.

Historia was nowhere in sight as the people seated themselves in the church owned by the wall cultists. It wasn't the one in Stohess, the one that had been destroyed nearly seven months ago now by Eren and Annie. It was _the_ cultist church, the one located near the center of Mitras, the innermost district within Sina.

It was a gorgeous building, Erwin had to admit it. The huge-domed sanctuary seemed to be held up by nothing but a few average sized pillars, and the colors of the intricate stained glass windows were marvelously consistent. The pews were comfortable and many, the altar up front beautifully decorated and covered in ornate objects.

Frankly, the entire building disgusted the Recon Corps commander. There were so many things farther from the center that needed fixing, improvement, _better funding_ , yet the government had chosen to glorify some heaps of brick and crystal. He thought back to the city of Trost, which was still terribly damaged from, wow, was it last _year's_ attack? No, not quite yet. Three more months, and it would be the anniversary. Time certainly had flown.

Lillian was out in public for the first time in her short life. Few strangers saw her, however, as she frequently switched hands between some of the soldiers she was more familiar with. No one found it strange, however, and for that, everyone was grateful.

It was odd, Erwin decided, that they had this small human in their care for half a year now, yet they were still keeping her secret, as though she were some huge scandal.

No one minded, really, though it was slowly becoming more and more uncommon to find children raised in the military. The members of the Garrison have often had homes and families to return to at night, with their work being so stationary and all, so that's where their children were raised. Even if it was a military family who preferred to live in the provided barracks, the children were often sent to live with relatives like an aunt or uncle, sometimes grandparents, if they were alive.

The Military Police had always been more free-spirited and capricious than their counterparts, preferring hookers and one night stands to settling down and getting married, so it had always been infrequent that the laughter of children was heard in their barracks' halls. Particularly so now that the police members that did get married tended not to marry other military personnel in their branch but rather wealthy people within the inner districts.

And of course, surviving in the Scouts long enough to even settle down and get married was a feat in itself.

Erwin thought back to when he had first joined the Scouts, at age nineteen. There had been three children living with them, all orphans. They had been for years by that point and all three had other relatives who would have been more than happy to take them in, but they were fine with living with those whom they could call aunties and uncles.

Erwin smiled a little, letting out a small snort of laughter. Lillian wouldn't be old enough to talk coherently for a quite a while yet, but he looked forward to being called 'Uncle Erwin' again. Assuming, of course, he didn't die in battle, but what were the chances of that, really, after all this time and battle experience?

The Corps members scattered upon entering the church, partly because they were like a family and everyone drained one another at formal ceremonies, and partly because the branch itself had a better chance of surviving if they spread out their members in the event of an attack.

Many of the new Levi Squad members sat near the front, close to the altar, probably to show their sincere support for Historia as she began this new and powerful position. Levi himself sat way in the back, his legs crossed and one arm casually swung around the back of the pew. Lillian sat next to him, but her head was on his lap, and she appeared to be taking a nap.

Moblit was stuck with Hange, as usual looking like he would rather be in a bar and drinking his heart out. Hange looked like she were talking non-stop, not even noticing that her blabbering wasn't getting through to her second-in-command. Her for once clean hair was up in a very nice braid, probably thanks to Moblit, who had learned hair styling after Levi suggested he needed a hobby other than alcohol.

The queen-to-be was nowhere in sight when Erwin sat down, but he supposed it was to be expected. Important dukes and duchesses, earls and ladies, many police members and a few lucky, lucky commoners were still filing in. Erwin frowned slightly. The huge disbalance in power of those present here displeased him. This wasn't representative of those in the walls; this wasn't what Historia would want.

But he toned down his anger, from embers down to a dull smolder, knowing that his old cadet would change their world someday, and sooner than anyone could hope for.

The people attending the coronation settled down and became quiet; the leader of the wall cult slowly walked up to the altar, holding his book of teachings. With a solemn face, he opened it and began to chant.

Down the aisle walked Historia, wearing a new dress and scarlet robes lined with some sort of exotic fur. Her face was hardened with a stony determination, though her steps were not as light as they usually were. Indeed, Erwin could practically hear the loud _clip clop_ of her heels on the stone floor, though she wasn't nearly past the carpet yet. Her movements were mechanical and forced, though her eyes burned with a fire, her heart set on changing their world.

The girl knelt down before the altar, the priest still chanting monotonously, her head bowed and lips silently moving, as though she were praying.

 _Prayers will not save us. The gods above, if any, don't hear them_ , Erwin thought, softly shaking his head.

She had fought well as a soldier, going out on the front lines even after it was discovered she was not just a pawn. _But it is just the will to fight that could change our world_ , Erwin mused.

Finally, the chanting of the priest ceased, and Historia looked up. The cultist looked down on the girl and asked:

"Do you, Historia Reiss, solemnly swear to protect the land inside the walls, to govern the people inside them, and uphold the laws of the land according to each district's custom? Do you swear to use your power righteously, lawfully, and for the greater good? With mercy and compassion, willingness and grace?

"Do you swear to keep the walls safe and sacred? Do you promise to use your power to the utmost to follow the laws as the walls would will? Will you maintain and preserve inviolable the settlement of the church, and the doctrine, worship, discipline, and government thereof, as by law established by the First King? And will you preserve unto the priests, and to the churches there committed to their charge, all such rights and privileges, as by law do or shall appertain to them?"

Historia briefly looked at a loss. "Sir, I do not."

Many of those in the room gasped. Erwin and many of the Corps members held their tongues, for they knew how shady and distrustful the wall cultists could be, and vowing her loyalty as queen to them could only end in disaster.

A riot was about to start, but the tiny blonde girl spoke up again.

"Sir, I do not dedicate my reign to the walls. But, I, Historia Reiss, solemnly swear to rule the lands within them to the best of my abilities, with diligence, grace, humility, patience, mercy, and compassion; I swear to use my power righteously, lawfully, and for the greater good. I swear to govern the peoples inside the walls humanely and kindly, and according to each district's custom. To that, I swear wholeheartedly to do."

Bewilderment was etched all over the priest's face. "I am no longer eligible to crown this girl queen," he murmured.

A short man with grey hair and a wild beard immediately stood up, and Erwin smiled. _Commander-in-chief Zackly, a perfect choice to begin Historia's reign._

Zackly shooed the priest out of the way and stood behind the altar. He unsheathed a sword and lightly patted Historia with the flat of his blade on her shoulders, near the neck. He then removed his second blade and somehow managed to detach it from his gear, then handed the sword to the girl.

"With this sword I swore to protect the ruler of the lands within the walls with all my heart, mind, and soul. Now with this sword I dub thee, Historia Reiss, worthy of the crown.

"And now," he announced, "We duel. _En guarde_."

Historia's eyes briefly grew as wide as saucers as she took the sword from him. Almost instantly, he lunged for her belly, but out of reflex she jumped backwards and out of range.

She raised her own sword to attack but he parried with the flat of his blade and twisted his wrist.

Historia's hand turned backwards. She was nearly disarmed, but she took a smooth step back and took her sword with her, sliding it out of the catch Zackly had caught her blade in.

She smiled confidently, seeming to enjoy herself as she swiped for his feet.

 _Clever choice_ , Erwin mentally commented. _If she could get his feet, he'd topple and fall, and since she's shorter than he, it would be at her advantage to do so._

The commander-in-chief smiled back, though, and he jumped over her sword with ease.

He took a sudden step behind his opponent and grabbed her right shoulder with his left hand so that he had her pinned to his chest. "Yield, m'lady?"

"Never," Historia hissed, and wriggled from his grasp. With her free hand, she yanked his arm down, forcing his entire body to lurch forward. She then turned quickly around and planted a solid kick on his back, causing him to fall to the ground. She pinned him to the ground between his shoulderblades and smiling, pointed her own sword as his neck.

"Yield, commander?" She smirked.

The older man suddenly laughed. "You got me, my queen. The blades are blunted and dulled for the ceremony; you can't hurt me or anyone with those. I yield."

Historia dropped her sword with a loud _clang!_ and let the commander free, even going as far as to help him up. Zackly shed his own blade and attached the now empty hilt to his belt, picking up the other one and disposing of its blade as well.

The blonde almost-queen knelt in front of the altar again as Zackly gingerly picked up the crown from the altar with both hands and reverently placed it on her bowed head. The new Levi squad up front erupted into rapturous applause and cheers, followed by many other corps members, and their cheers filled the church as Zackly yelled above them all:

"I, Darius Zackly, commander-in-chief of the military, present to the people of the walls, _Queen Historia Reiss_!"

Erwin smiled fondly at the small girl once part of the military as she slowly stood up and faced those in attendance. She gave them a beautiful, beautiful salute as she presented herself to the crowd.

Slowly, almost begrudgingly, the policemen, the earls, dukes, and ladies applauded their new ruler. The few commoners scattered among the crowd gave her lively applause.

The reception when she stepped out of the chapel was much warmer.

" _Long live the queen! Long live the queen! Long live the queen!_ " the people chanted in unison.

Queen Historia smiled warmly at them as she was led to a pure white horse and helped onto it. She sat sidesaddle, and slowly, the horse walked her through the streets of Mitras, where much of humanity, if they were not inside the wall, stood perched on top of it, or on the roofs of the houses, all hoping to catch a glimpse of the queen as she rode through the district.

Erwin gathered his little soldiers and followed the girl, half to serve as a protection squad and half to show her their undying support.

Many of the common citizens within reach tried to touch the girl queen. "Goddess," they cried. "She'd raise the sun and the moon if it were in her power!"

 _What a load of bullshit_ , Erwin found himself thinking. "They just want another poor soul to peg all their hopes and dreams on before they come crashing down," he quietly said aloud and shook his head. No one heard him of course, they were too distracted with Historia, but it was okay. He didn't mean it maliciously

 _Historia, Historia, Historia. You may_ be _a queen now, and we may_ respect _you like a queen now, but you'll always be our tiny cadet in the Survey Corps._

* * *

A banquet took place in the grand hall of what was planned to be Historia's new home.

Hange was delighted when she heard music playing, but it did not come from a phonograph, but yet another invention from an era forgotten called a jukebox. She got a little overexcited, feeding it dram after dram until she had the thing booked for two solid hours of a song called 'What's New Pussycat'.

Levi got annoyed after fourteen straight minutes of the song and forced Hange to open up the machine and change the song manually.

Levi glanced over at the newly coronated queen, who looked very flustered and uncomfortable in her new role. He briefly entertained the idea of lending her Lillian, since the two had bonded quite well in the six months they'd had the child, but then decided against it. She'd have to get used to the attention sooner or later, since everyone and their mothers knew that Historia was queen now. Having Lillian as a crutch for a few days then going cold turkey when they left for Wall Rose again would be cruel anyway.

He slowly sipped his tea. Queen. She had authority over him now. He tched aloud as the thought crossed his mind. Sure, it didn't _particularly_ matter to him, and to some degree he was proud of the girl. But it still pissed him off a little.

"Heichouuu," he heard her call for what Levi assumed was going to be the last time ever, since he was no longer her captain. He looked over at Historia, who motioned for him to come over, and he lazily complied.

"You might want to give Lily to Hange for this," the short girl warned, and while it raised an eyebrow from Levi, he did so.

The moment he turned around to face the queen, he felt her punch him full force, square in the jaw.

He couldn't help it, he flinched. He inhaled through his teeth, absolutely _seething_. "And _what_ was _that_ for, **_brat_**?" he hissed in a low voice.

Historia was flustered. "Forgive me, captain. It was payback for picking me up by the collar and forcing me to be queen. But you can't get me back for it now, since I'm queen."

Levi glared at her, but with a "tch," he stalked off, leaving Lillian behind.

He felt a bruise blossoming on his jaw and with yet another "tch," he slowly sipped his tea. He had to admit though, the girl doled out some amazing punches. He'd gotten into many a fistfight while still a thug in the underground, and few of them involved punches as solid and well-planted as that one. To be fair though, he was caught off guard, but he still gave her kudos.

People came and left the banquet hall throughout the course of the party. It only made sense, so that as many people as possible could pay homage to the queen and perhaps get a bite to eat or a blessing from a respected person. Many of the Corps members took this as an opportunity to track down family and let them know they were okay, so a fair amount of them only attended for a short timeframe.

Of those who stuck around included the new Squad Levi, Hange and Moblit, and Erwin.

The jukebox began to play sad harmonica music. " _It's nine o'clock on a Saturday_

" _The regular crowd shuffles in_

" _There's an old man sitting next to me_

" _Making love to his tonic and gin._ "

Moblit was loudly singing along to the jukebox while taking shots with Erwin, the cadets were waltzing and laughing, and Levi was sighing. He glanced over at Hange with his daughter, both of which looked happy.

Lillian looked a lot like Petra, even at this age. She had Petra's eyes, and that's what stood out to him. They were large and gentle, always smiling, laughing; happiness seemed to be a permanent part of them.

The only thing she seemed to get from him was the black hair and insomnia. Which was good, in a way; he wasn't the most attractive of humans, but it also caused a painful disconnect on an emotional level at times. Though she was young, Lillian resembled his late fiancée in more than just physical appearance.

Levi slowly sipped his tea ( _Man, I've got to stop sarcastically sipping my tea for want of something else to do_ , he thought) and watched his subordinates dance. Eren and Mikasa, Sasha and Connie, Jean and Armin… though he assumed the last pair was just for fun and jokes.

"I think you have a tea addiction." Hange seemed to materialize next to him with Lillian. Levi was about to slowly sip his tea again, but then he realized that would have proven Hange's point and gently placed his teacup back on its saucer.

"The teacups match their saucers," he replied, for lack of anything better to say.

"You know what I just realized?" Hange asked.

"What, four-eyes?"

"If your last name is Ackerman, then that means that Lillian's birth certificate is wrong. Under father, I put 'Levi Rivaille' and wrote _her_ last name down as 'Rivaille'. So do we legally change it, or what?"

"Tch, shouldn't matter until what the cadets have been calling 'the Ackerpower' awakens in her, if it ever does."

Hange gave him a quizzical look. "Why wouldn't it?"

"It only activates in extreme, brutal-murder-type situations."

"Ah, yes, I remember now. There was that thing with Isabel and-"

" _Hange_ ," Levi snarled, cutting her off. Hange looked startled, then remembered the short man's past.

"Wanna gamble?" Hange offered instead, trying to change the subject.

"On what? Who's going to die next?"

"Don't be so morbid; this is supposed to be a lively event."

"Your second in command is getting drunk as a skunk because he can't tolerate this 'liveliness,' " Levi countered.

Hange rolled her eyes at him. " _Please_ , it can't be _that_ bad."

She glanced over at Moblit. Erwin appeared to be secretly changing out his alcohol for water and giving his shots back to the bartender, who gave him a sympathetic look.

"See? Not _so_ bad. But anyway, you sure you don't want to gamble?"

"Gambles made while in the Corps have a tendency of coming true."

"Statistically speaking, all gambles are certain to come true. You either get an outcome and win, or you get an outcome and the other person wins. Either way, it becomes true for someone," Hange countered.

Levi sighed, defeated. "What do you want to bet on?"

Hange smirked. "Which of the cadets is going to get married first."

Levi got up and threw his hands in the air as he walked away. "Nope. Not doing that. Nope, nope, nope."

"Oh, come on! It could be fun!" Hange called after him.

And so it continued. People came and left the banquet hall to pay their respects to the new queen, had a bite to eat, and had a bit of fun that day. The Corps stayed in the barracks of their sister branch, the Military Police, that night, planning on returning to Wall Rose in a few days.

Humanity celebrated that day, and for a long, long time, everything was looking hopeful.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xix._** _Waaahh a chapter that's over_ three THOUSAND WORDS? _Yes, I know, amazing! I actually particularly enjoyed this chapter; I've never seen someone write a fanfiction detailing Historia's coronation, so making something up was really fun! I made up some of the vows the Cultist said, particularly the first paragraph, but there's a fair amount stolen from the British coronation ceremony. "Why not split up the chapter into two parts; one for the coronation and one for the banquet, Luna? More stuff in the queue then, Luna!" Oh, hush you. It's summer; I'm literally working on chapter twenty as we speak, assuming this one is chapter sixteen. Let me spoil you guys._

 _Anyway, rambling note aside, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you liked it and/or are new, feel free to drop a follow or favorite, they're always nice. Leave your thoughts in the reviews (if that's what you're into~) and have a great day~~_


	19. Clarity

**Word Count:** 2,236

* * *

"Armin! Armin! Armin!"

Armin rolled over. "Hange, it's too early for science…"

"We need to take notes on the status of Annie's crystal before we leave Wall Sina! Hurry up now, we don't have all day!"

"Five more minutes…"

Armin suddenly felt his blankets thrown off of him and his eyes shot open with the sudden bite of winter's air on his hands and feet.

"Oh hey, you sleep in your uniform, that's convenient. Get your boots and put some socks on, we're heading to the dank, dark dungeons of the deep, dangerous dunderground."

"Dunderground?" Armin yawned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I wanted alliteration, can you really blame me?" Hange replied.

Armin fetched a pair of socks and as he put them on, hopped over to the window and squinted. "Hange, the sun's not even up yet. The stars are out and the moon is barely on the west side."

"Ah, but you forget that it is winter ("How could I possibly forget; it's freezing," Armin grumbled.), and the winter nights are waaay longer than spring or summer nights. It's close to seven o'clock," Hange explained.

"Yeah, in the _evening_ ," Armin halfheartedly joked as he shuffled out the door, looking for his boots.

Hange rolled her eyes at him. "Find your damn boots and follow me or Moblit will murder you."

"Can't deal with a sassy sixteen-year-old?"

"Sass me one more time, and I swear I'm cutting your testicles off."

Armin quietly walked outside of the room and put on his boots after that.

* * *

Armin donned his Survey Corps cloak for warmth as Hange led him outside and through the streets of Mitras on horseback. "Why c-can't Moblit come along t-t-t-too?" he complained through chattering teeth.

Large, soft flakes of dry snow floated gently down from the sky and into the street, where they quietly crunched beneath the hooves of their horses. It froze Armin half to death, being the indoor person he was, but it seemed not to bother Hange in the slightest.

"Moblit is a great artist, yes, but I don't think we'll need sketches for this. He's not as passionate about the world and learning as you, so you, being my backup assistant and all, just naturally seems like a much better choice than he. Your insights will be valuable and clever, and your outside perspective will be useful," Hange replied.

Armin squinted up at the setting moon. "But we're leaving _t-tomorrow_ , why are we d-doing this so early _t-t-today_?"

"Armin, understand that we in the Corps are very lenient with sleeping schedules since everyone's circadian rhythms are different, especially those of you hormonal teenagers, but this is getting kind of ridiculous; pull yourself together, Armin. If this were the Garrison or Military Police, you'd be up at four or five in the morning every day seven days a week. You have the leisure of waking up more or less when you please, provided it's before nine AM. The least you could do is can it when you lose two hours of sleep," she chastised.

"Shouldn't we be f-f-focusing on m-more imp-p-portant topics? Like, when you said Lillian c-c-could p-potentially be b-b-bugged?" he whined.

"First of all, kudos to you for being able to stutter through all that, hard consonants tend to be the biggest problem for stutterers, though this time it's more of your shivering that's getting in the way-"

"H-hange, how are you not f-f- _freezing_?" Armin interrupted.

His superior simply shrugged in reply. "Anyway, Lillian being bugged is something I'll address one of the days we return to HQ for the long-term. As long as she's not in the room when we discuss anything important, we should be fine, really. Besides, we're here now," she said as she stopped them in front of a run-down building.

"Wh-what're we d-doing _h-here_?" Armin asked after dismounting his horse and tying it and Hange's horse to a lamppost.

"We're buying crack cocaine," Hange sarcastically said, rolling her eyes as she yanked open the door. "It's the entrance to Annie's dungeon, silly. We're not going to get tangled up in some drug lord's quest to find his humanity and escape from the police alive; don't _worry_."

And she was right, for the most part. There was no drug lord's den where he prepared his wares, no nest of wild, rabid raccoon mothers there to rip his eyeballs out. Just a dusty old trap door in a cellar surrounded by boxes.

Down the hatch he went, following Hange down a spiral staircase lit dimly by the warm, flickering glow of torches.

The staircase felt like it extended on forever and ever, and he felt his legs go on autopilot for a few minutes before they finally ended up in the dungeons.

There were few cells that held anything, and the ones that did often had piles of softly rotting clothes, flesh, and dry, blanched bone. It gave Armin the shivers. Or perhaps it was the fact that despite being underground, frost still wedged its way between the cracks in the stone, chilling the air underground.

Perhaps it was even coming from the girl encased in a clear, blue crystal nearby, her expression as bored and empty as ever, though her eyes were closed.

 _Maybe that's good_ , Armin thought with yet another shiver. _The eyes are the window to the soul, they say, but I don't need to see the half-dead, black-as-the-night soul of Annie._

Armin stared at the girl in the crystal as Hange absently chatted with the police guarding the cell. He was nearly on par with Annie's shoulders now; he'd begun his growth spurt and was now a nice one hundred sixty-seven centimeters and growing. He was still rather short though; he wasn't the only one growing.

But it still felt nice to be about as tall as Annie, even if she was still in the crystal and would otherwise be a lot shorter than he.

Now that he noticed it… hadn't the crystal been a lot taller before? Like, two hundred eighteen centimeters tall, tall?

"Hange-san, is the crystal shrinking?" he called, reaching out to touch the crystal.

"Eh? Lemme get my measuring tape," Hange replied, digging around in her pockets. She took the dimensions of the crystal and looked impressed. "You're bad at estimating, Armin. It was originally two hundred twenty centimeters tall*. But yes, it definitely has shrunk, heightwise anyway."

"How much?" Armin asked, getting really curious now.

Hange made a weird raspberry-like sound with her bottom lip and said, "About seven centimeters, I'd say. The width loss is proportional to that, too; it's close to a hundred and fifteen centimeters at the diameter, if my math checks out. Very interesting." She laid a hand on the crystal and felt it all over as she slipped her tape measure into her pocket.

"Hmm, still _feels_ solid. Perhaps she's suspended in some sort of quasi-solid, and it's warmer on the outsi… No, that wouldn't make sense, then the crystal would have to be either ice, or the stuff inside would have to be really hot, and that still wouldn't explain the loss from the outside, not the inside…"

"Maybe it's sublimating," Armin suggested, patting the crystal. "But very, very slowly."

"Seven centimeters in seven months? That's kind of fast… well let's see. The Female Titan incident happened in mid-April, and it's late November now… That's let's see, May has…" Hange continued rambling to herself, doing math out loud for a few minutes before finally reaching her conclusion. "That's about three hundredths of a centimeter a day, or three micrometers, if I have the correct term. That's just the height, of course, but that's not important."

"So then what is important?" Armin prompted.

"Well, assuming Annie is in the absolute center of the crystal, and her crystal is sublimating equally all around her, then at a hundred fifty-three centimeters tall… oh dear, I lost my train of thought, but I still have the final answer. Basically, if her crystal keeps sublimating at this rate, she'll be free in about two years."

" _What_?" Armin cried, pulling a scrap of paper and pen from his pocket and quickly doing the math for himself. "You're off by three months," he told her, stuffing his scratch back into his pocket.

"Nope, I'm not because by the time the crystal gets that thin, she'd probably be strong and aware enough to break herself out," Hange smugly replied. "This has indeed been a productive visit."

The gears in Armin's head were whirring about like crazy, trying to process this new concept but somehow being unable to.

Annie was coming out of the crystal.

Annie was coming out of the crystal.

 _Annie was coming out of the crystal._

Slowly, yeah, but she was a ticking time bomb now. Who _knew_ what she would do when she exited? Would their world even be the same in two years? Would it be better?

Would it still exist?

Armin felt a cold stone settle in his gut, not wanting to answer any of those questions. "Hange, what do you think will happen when she gets out?" he softly asked, staring at the girl in the crystal.

"Oh, I don't know. Probably stuff her in Eren's old cell, interrogate her for a few months. Though, since she has no next-of-kin inside the walls, we could also execute her on the spot the moment she gets out and literally no one could stop us. The Corps has custody of her for up to six months after she breaks out, then she's going on a retrial. If we don't get anything useful from her or come up with a good excuse to keep her, then she'll probably go to the MP's for dissection," Hange loftily replied.

Her assistant swallowed, hard. He wasn't sure why a lump was forming in his throat, or why the thought of Annie living out the rest of her days in either horrible solitude or excruciating pain made his stomach want to turn up its contents, but it did.

He may have lost enough of his humanity to commit murder just over a fortnight ago, but he still had compassion for this other human. She'd been good to him in the time they'd known each other, and he was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she hadn't wanted to kill all those innocents during the fifty-seventh.

"Penny for your thoughts, Armin?"

Armin's train of thought came to a crash and he shook his feelings away, for the most part. "It's just that," he began as his gaze wandered over to his feet, "Annie always seemed like a nice person, deep down. A cold and uncaring exterior, but I saw good in her before.

"Do you really think she deserves all this?"

Hange softly tsked at him. "Armin, sometimes it's less of what a person deserves and more of a chain reaction, if that makes sense."

Her protégé stared at her blankly and she was forced to continue with a sigh. "Annie was likely born and raised in the Homelands and at a young age agreed to whatever quest Bertholt and Reiner are working on to get Eren's Coordinate power. Because of that, she resorted to the extremes and committed mass murder and then clammed up the moment we got our hands on her. Avoiding the authorities is one crime in of itself; mass murdering dozens upon dozens of good soldiers is another story altogether that obviously leads to capital punishment."

"So you're saying she's just suffering the consequences of her actions?"

"Exactly."

"Hange, that's exactly what I was talking about when I asked if you thought she deserves all this."

A lot of arguing and explaining later, both teacher and student decided it was futile to try and understand one another.

"Why are you so concerned about Annie anyway, Armin?" Hange curiously asked. "Surely she's not _that_ important to you, is she?"

Armin felt a slight blush creep up on his face. "N-no, not really. But I just think everyone deserves second chances sometimes. Why should she be any different?"

Hange squatted slightly so that she was on eye level with him. "You're very right about that. But what power do you hold to grant her that second chance at life?"

One option came to mind, but Armin pushed it away. "I don't know," he softly replied. "But I think it would be good to give her a chance at the freedom I doubt she ever had."

Hange's expression softened considerably. "Of course, Armin. It's what we're fighting for here in the Corps, after all."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xx._** _The characters are aging! Amazing! Also, yes I_ did _do the math to find the height of that crystal; I can assure you that her crystal is indeed 7'2". I'm actually not sure when I came up with the idea of Annie's crystal sublimating, but it's not a half-bad one, in my opinion anyway. I mean, we haven't seen her crystal since chapter thirty-three or so, so who's telling what happened to it? Maybe it's going to redshift and when it becomes translucent she'll break herself out, we don't know! Anyway, if you liked the fic so far, feel free to drop a follow or favorite if you're new. Leave your thoughts in the reviews (if that's what you're into), and as always, have a greaaaat daayyy~~_


	20. Anohana

**Word Count:** 1,141

* * *

Ah, February. The time of the year where love is in the air and any boy may have a certain girl capture his fancies.

It was also Mikasa's birth month, the anniversary month for the Battle of Trost, the month the trainees chose their branch, and according to Hange, Lillian's most likely biological birth month.

February was, as they say, _a mixed bag_.

 _February tenth_. Though it was her birthday, Mikasa had never really liked the day. She didn't enjoy attention many of her friends tried to shower on her, and with many of the friends she made back at trainee camp incapacitated, it just didn't feel the same.

She sat on the windowsill in the room she shared with Sasha, Lillian with her for want of something soft, warm, and alive to hold for comfort. The sky outside was a sullen grey, for a blanket of clouds covered it. Mikasa sensed that it would rain any day now.

She heard the door open behind her, but she didn't turn around or even say anything.

"Hey Mikasa?" she heard Sasha's voice ask. Her roommate didn't reply, so Sasha just invited herself in, closing the door behind her. "Eren and Armin made you a cake," she softly said, carefully sitting down on her cot, "It's pretty good if I do say so myself. Wanna go downstairs and eat it? I brought you a slice otherwise."

"It's going to rain soon," the raven-haired girl simply replied.

Sasha sighed and put the plate with the cake down on a dresser top. "Well if you're not coming down for want of grieving time, then at least don't deprive Lillian of some social time," she gently rebuked, reaching for the child.

"No," Mikasa said with a surprising amount of force, turning to face the other girl. Sasha instantly retracted her hand, startled by her roommate's words.

Upon seeing the brunette's shocked face, Mikasa's own expression softened. "It's just that… I really like children, and Lily's quiet and gentle. She's comforting to have around, to hold as I daydream. I'll come down in a few minutes, Sasha. Don't worry about it."

Sasha grinned at her and gave her a friendly poke on the forehead. "Already thinking about children, hmm? You're going to have to wait another year for that, two if you wanna get married first. That would probably be a good idea too, since the captain's only anti-frat rule is literally 'no fucking until you're married'."

Mikasa felt her face flush and gave Sasha a gentle shove. "Never mind the anti-fraternization rules. We're soldiers, and we should focus on that first," she gently chided in reply.

The other girl beamed. "Of course," she said, then humming, skipped away.

Mikasa covered the lower half of her face with her scarf. She gently patted Lillian on the head and swung her legs back down and slid off the windowsill.

She smiled slightly, though Lillian was gnawing gently on her thumb and mumbling, "shit, shit, shit," over and over to herself. To think, the kid was about a year old now, yet her favorite words were the curse words. Mikasa decided to remind her friends to curse a little less around Lily.

They welcomed her warmly, and while she still had a few lingering thoughts from one of the rare moments she allowed herself to remember her fallen comrades, for the first time since she was ten, she enjoyed her birthday cake.

"You were thinking about the Battle of Trost back up in your dorm, weren't you?" Armin asked in a kind tone and Mikasa nodded in reply.

Eren took a huge bite of cake and said as he chewed, "A lot happened in the year since then."

"Yeah, it was a year of _giant_ advancements," Armin agreed with a wink.

Jean snorted. "Yeah, you started making _really bad_ puns."

"A lot of people died, the Battle of Trost, the betrayal and crystalling of Annie." As Connie named each event, he counted them off on his fingers.

"The appearance of the Beast Titan and the battle at Castle Utgard," Sasha added. "The titans at Ragako village."

"Ymir being a titan shifter. Reiner and Bertl being titan shifters and starting this whole mess," Armin continued.

"Are we not gonna talk about me being a titan shifter and becoming humanity's hope?" Eren complained. He said it good-naturedly though; a smile played on his lips as he said it.

"Nope," his friends chorused, and they all laughed before falling silent again.

"Historia is our queen now," Mikasa decided to mention. "We're going underground next week to find orphaned children. Give them clean food, water, shelter."

"We're gonna retake Wall Maria," Connie said with a smile. It was contagious and infected the rest of the cadets as well.

"Come to think of it, we should be getting those new recruits any day now," Sasha said. "We joined the Corps about a week after the Battle of Trost, and the anniversary for that is in about two weeks."

"I feel so _old_ ," Jean lamented.

"In a way, we kind of are old," Mikasa softly said. "We've seen and done a lot that used to be considered taboo. We've seen death, stared it in the eye, and told it, 'Not now. Not today. I'll die on my own terms.' We overthrew a _government_."

"We're veterans of war now," Eren solemnly agreed.

Everyone fell silent, not touching what little cake most of them had left.

"Hey guys, this is a _happy_ occasion, let's not dwell on the horrors of life!" Sasha exclaimed.

"Some new blood in the Corps would be nice," Armin slowly said. "Goodness knows we need it. And with the new government being more military-centric and pro-Corps, we should be getting an increase of members and military recruits in general."

"And with Historia as queen, she'll be really cracking the whip on those spoiled by wealth. Everything seems to be looking up," Jean agreed.

Sasha suddenly snapped her fingers. "Ahh, we forgot to have you blow out sixteen candles as we sung you happy birthday, Mikasa! You still need to make a birthday wish!"

"Yeah! It's not a birthday without a wish," Eren agreed, getting up and stealing a candle from a cupboard and putting it on the table as Armin daringly stole a burning twig from the belly of the stove and lit the candle on fire.

Mikasa felt her face flush with embarrassment as her friends started singing her happy birthday, but she made a wish and blew the candle out anyway.

 _I wish we could all make it through this war alive._

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxi._** _Originally, this chapter was going to be them missing Historia since she's no longer living with them, hence the title Anohana, which references this anime I finished watching at the time of writing this, though it doesn't fit quite as well anymore. Anyway, I've been in a bit of a writing slump lately, and I'm honestly not sure how to continue this story right now. Forgive me for the next few chapters, they're not very good in my opinion. Please leave your thoughts in the reviews, if that's what you're into, and have a great day~_


	21. Underground

**Word Count:** 1,615

* * *

Levi's eyes darted around wildly, on the constant alert as he descended down the stairs into the underground for the first time in literal years.

He swore to not return down here if he could help it all those years ago. But that was before he had a guarantee he could still return to the surface if he so desired. And besides, some part of the underground felt… nostalgic.

There was the place he and Farlan had first met. The places he robbed, the corners he'd slept in. The streets where he'd brawled in, the place where Kenny left him for the last time...

Nevermind, this wasn't nostalgic at all.

Lillian was accompanying his and Hange's squads as they searched the underground for orphans. Helena was quite ill today and couldn't take her in, and the chances of this mission becoming deadly were quite slim anyway. After all, how difficult could rounding up children possibly be, even with a toddler clinging to you?

He noticed he was getting a lot of odd looks from the people as he walked casually through the streets. He heard their whispers, their gossip, and he knew they were talking about him.

" _Hey look, isn't that Levi, the infamous thug of the underground?_ "

" _Yeah, I wonder where he's been all these years._ "

" _And look, he's got a little girl with him._ "

" _D'you think it's his? And what about his companions?_ "

Levi grit his teeth, forcing himself not to react to their words. So, he _was_ still a prominent figure down here, even after a decade. Isabel and Farlan were remembered as well. At least now Levi knew he and his friends would have a lasting legacy after he died.

Hange had taken most of those down here today to various orphanages scattered throughout the city, since anyone unfamiliar with the area could easily get lost if they searched the streets, even with a map. But Levi, he was born and raised here; he knew the ins and outs of this city like it were the back of his hand, so he was the obvious choice when it came to the task of finding the kids living on the streets.

"Sir, excuse me, but I'm going to have to bring you down to the station."

 _Ah, shit_ , Levi thought. He totally forgot that since the underground was so disconnected from the surface, they had a totally different military and police force. And as far as he knew, he was _still_ on their 'Wanted' list.

"In case the uniform didn't tip you off," he coldly told the officer, "You have no authority over me. I am here on political business, so if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now."

He began to leave but felt a hand firmly grab his shoulder. Almost instinctively he put a hand on Lillian, who was in a carrier sling on his front.

" _Leeeveeee_ ," he heard her softly say, dragging out the word. "Leevee."

Levi turned to face the officer, who had a shit-eating grin on his face.

"So, the infamous thug king Levi has returned with a princess, hmm? Why don't you come back to your country, _Leevee_ ," the officer practically threatened in a low voice.

Quick as a whip, Levi pulled a knife out of his pocket and cut his opponent's hand as a warning. "I have more important things to do than deal with you right now, so if you know what's good for you, you'll _leave_ ," he snarled, wiping the blood off the blade with a handkerchief. He couldn't believe the police force down here anymore. They were worse than the Military Police, and that was _definitely_ saying something. Though by this point, Levi suspected the police gig was just a facade to give him an advantage over other thugs.

The other man recoiled the moment he received the wound and regarded the short man dangerously. His grin returned again the moment Levi turned his back and started walking away.

"Come back to your people," he drawled, catching Levi by the shoulder again and allowing his blood to drip ominously down from his hand and onto Levi's shirt.

Levi felt it and was instantly put on edge. Knowing what was probably going to happen next, he kicked the thug's feet out from under him without turning around and sprinted away. He'd been in many a fight in his past, yes, but now was _not_ a time to be reliving his glory days (if you could call them his glory days).

He heard heavy footsteps following and tched as he took a sharp turn to the right, not thinking about where his legs were carrying him.

He temporarily forgot about why he was here, allowing instinct to guide him where his mind knew not. Clutching Lillian, he ran and ran through the streets, probably garnering more attention than running from thugs was worth, before passing under a bridge and practically crashing through a door into an old stone house.

Breathing heavily, Levi reached off to the side to grab the tinderbox whenㅡ

Wait. Where was the tinderㅡ

 _Wait._ He'd forgotten who he was those last few minutes. He wasn't a thug, not anymore, and this crummy old house was no longer his base.

He blinked a few times and realized that the house wasn't dark, just that he'd temporarily lost some of his sight during that run. That hadn't happened in ages; it must have been something about the air underground that restricted his oxygen intake.

He looked up at the base he once shared with Isabel and Farlan. The layout was close to the same as it had been when he and his friends had left without returning that day all those years ago, except it was far dirtier and it didn't have almost half a dozen little munchkins living together in it.

"Hey," he said when he collected himself. "You kids have parents?"

The children seemed frozen in fear. After all, this small but terrifying man had just gotten into their hideout, a feat in it of itself, since there was not a lock to the door but rather a special way of opening it.

The eldest couldn't have been older than ten and they all seemed small for their age due to lack of sunlight and nutrition, but even so, it seemed that Levi and his friends had become somewhat of an urban legend in the underground. The kids trembled where they were, stone silent and fear etched all over their hollow faces.

"Do you kids have parents?" Levi repeated, gentler this time.

One of them shook their head, clearly still terrified. "Are you going to kill us?" they whispered, almost too softly for Levi to catch.

"No, of course not. I'm taking you to the surface. There's a new monarch, and she actually cares about you shits."

The eyes of the children widened in disbelief.

"Then who's that?" one of the larger ones asked, pointing at Lillian in Levi's pouch.

Levi scowled. "Not important right now. Are you coming or not?"

The hope and life seemed to return to the children at the thought of leaving the slums of the underground. Levi had been right, he and his old thug friends had become incredible legends of the underground, though less as benevolent 'steal from the rich and give to the poor' rather than 'brawling to the death in order to survive.' Never in a thousand years of listening to those stories from street corners would they have thought this very midget would be saving them from a life of poverty.

Levi counted the munchkins as they cautiously approached him, ending with five total. "Any of you brats have any street rat friends not at base right now?"

All but two shook their heads.

"Tch, looks like I'm going to have to go Pied Piper on you little shits," Levi muttered. The children gave him confused looks but dared not ask what he meant.

They may have been pretty big kids, but having them lead Levi around the streets of the underground was a terrible mistake. Despite their age, none of them could read, leaving Levi to navigate the place by landmarks he hardly recognized anymore.

It was an adventure, but every time they passed an orphanage, he deposited the brats without any orphaned friends there for Hange or a member of one of their squads to pick them up and parade them out to the surface, so he managed.

The amount of children living on the streets was horrifying, though it hardly surprised Levi, being a street rat once upon a time. Frankly he doubted many of them would have followed him if he hadn't been dragging Lillian around with him: more of his old enemies resurfaced and he ended up getting into many a terribly violent brawl that day, and more than a couple kids would probably live with awful mental scars of death and violence for the rest of their lives. But the way he didn't mistreat the children, often first shown by him carrying Lily around, earned that first spark of trust that let them follow him.

If Levi had been told the days before joining the Corps that in about a decade, give or take a year or two, he'd be leading orphans out of the underground with his own child in tow, he wouldn't have believed them.

Kind of funny how life turns out sometimes.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxii._** _Ahh forgive me again for the short chapter! ;ww; But_ whoo _Lillian's talking now! Well, she talked last chapter, but_ whoo _it wasn't a fluke! And yes, her first word was indeed "shit." Hehehe. Anyway, if you liked the story so far feel free to drop a follow or favorite, they're always appreciated! Leave your thoughts in the reviews below (if that's what you're into), and as always, have a greaaat daaaay~~_


	22. Orphanage

**Word Count:** 1,396

* * *

"The trainees are graduating next week."

"Really? Then that must mean today is the anniversary. For the Battle of Trost."

"We talked about this a while ago. Why do we bring it up again?"

The sun was out and it was pleasantly warm for late February. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa were carrying supplies from a delivery wagon to a newly-built storage shed in an equally newly-built orphanage somewhere in Wall Sina.

"It was a turning point in our _lives_ ," Eren argued to Mikasa. "How could we _not_ talk about it on the anniversary? You were grieving on your _birthday_ for the event for goodness' sake, why are you so against us discussing it _now_?"

"It was a day off. We're working today."

The two continued bickering and Armin was about to step in when two small children ran past them, their faces shining with happiness, over to Historia, who was supervising the construction of the orphanage and rehabilitation of the orphans from the underground.

The trio put their loads down and saw the kids dote on their friend, who was becoming quite overwhelmed with all the attention being showered on her.

"We were like that once. Young and carefree, to an extent," Eren said, smiling fondly at the scene.

"And then everything changed when Bertholt attacked," Connie said in a joking tone, walking in with Sasha. When he was met with cold and deadpan glares from the trio he just interrupted, he bowed his head and mumbled his apologies.

"Someday, these children are going to be the backbone of our society. They'll be our farmers, technicians, workers… and soldiers," Armin said in an oddly grim voice.

"Aye, but we'll solve this titan mystery before then, won't we guys?" Sasha cheerily replied, trying to lighten the mood.

Eren felt a tug on the hem of his shirt and he was about to snap at whoever it was when he saw it was another young child, a little boy. His expression immediately softened and the kid looked up at the soldiers like they were made of stardust, a gap toothed smile forming on the kid's face.

"Are you really members of the Survey Corps?" he asked in an awed voice.

The soldiers exchanged glances.

"Yup," Sasha replied, squatting down so that she was eye level with him. She smiled brightly at him, and his grin only grew.

"You guys go outside the walls to defend humanity?" he squealed, practically vibrating with excitement now.

The cadets nodded, confused as to why this kid was asking so many obvious questions.

The child's chest swelled and he nearly fell over in awe. " _Wow_ ," he breathed, his eyes as wide as saucers and full of respect.

"Kid, at this rate you're going to explode, and that's really not healthy," Armin nervously said. "You can't join the military if your parts are splattered… everywhere…"

The child didn't notice as his idols stiffened at Armin's words, panic and terror flashing in their eyes from war flashbacks. "I don't wanna fight. I'm gonna be a medic, and _save lives_ out on the battlefield." He then shied away a little and said, "I'm scared of fighting."

The five soldiers exchanged uneasy looks, but Eren gave the kid a somewhat forced smile. "We look forward to having you, cadet," he said and picked up his crate again to continue with his duties.

Armin and Mikasa followed him, but before the group could fully disperse, the kid clumsily saluted them.

"Oi, kid, wrong hand. Shadis'll have your _head_ if you do that on your first day," Connie called as he and Sasha started walking away.

The kid's smile turned sheepish as he changed hands and walked the soldiers walk away.

Armin watched Historia play with the orphans who'd run past the trio earlier. "Life with her as queen is a little different than I imagined. I never would have thought she'd look more at home here at an orphanage than anywhere else."

"Well you have to remember that the monarchy is really just a figurehead," Jean said as they approached the storage shed. He was the one organizing all the crates and stood at the doorway to receive the ones still being brought in. "The military, particularly we in the Corps, are the ones who are really in charge here."

"Hey! Keep on working or the sun will set!" Historia barked, marching over to where her friends were just standing around talking.

"Sorry, Historia," Armin and Eren apologized, scrambling off to fetch more crates as Jean huffed and said:

"She's starting to sound like my mom."

Mikasa sighed a little and began to follow her friends when Historia stopped her for a moment.

"Eren's training, for his hardening abilities… is it going okay?" the blonde asked.

Mikasa blinked, thinking back to the experiments she watched take place. "Well, we're still figuring out how the hardening process goes," she slowly said. "After all, the serum didn't come with an instruction manual, but we're making progress. Why do you ask?"

"Are you scared that Reiner and Bertholt are going to return and attack Trost and Rose again? They've been awful quiet, after all," Historia answered.

Mikasa pulled herself onto the nearby fence and sat on top of it and Historia followed suit. "Well, yes… I am quite scared at times that those two are going to return," the raven-haired girl admitted. "The longer we wait, the more risk there is. But if we prepare ourselves better, then along with the element of surprise we'd have from such a long wait as well as more equipped and ready for anything they might throw at us."

Historia nodded quietly. "I'm looking forward to living here," she said, scanning the vast horizon. Children played in clusters, bothered her soldier friends, and so on. She'd only been living here with some of these kids for about a week, so she didn't know _all_ their names, but she wanted to make sure each and every one of those kids felt loved and protected here. That they would have the childhood she never got to have.

"I can tell," Mikasa agreed. "You were so adamant about this whole idea."

Historia suddenly shivered, though not from the chilly air. "Yeah. A lot of these kids look up to you guys as their role models now. It's frightening how many of them want to join the local trainee squad when they turn twelve."

"All the more help for us, then."

The blonde girl suddenly began to cry, staring down at the dirt where her tears fell. "I don't want them to join the army," she quietly began.

"They see you guys as role models, but it's only you guys they see. The survivors, the heroes, the veterans. They see nothing of all those nameless soldiers who die on the battlefield.

"I once asked them if they knew of the soldier named Nanaba, the soldier named Mike, the soldier named Sasha. Almost none of them knew who they are. A few more know of Armin, but not many. They all know the famed Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman, but not even of their best friend? These _children_ don't know what they're getting into."

Her voice started soft, but as the tears came, it bubbled and cracked until she hardly even sounded like herself anymore as she half screamed, half cried.

The people nearby stopped whatever they were doing and looked over at their queen. The smiles fell off the children's faces, replaced by a concerned look. A few of them put down what they were doing and ran up to Historia and gave her hugs, for she slipped off the fence and was kneeling on the ground.

Many of them made soothing noises the way she did with them when they were hurt and crying. A few of them just kind of sat there, unsure of what to do but hoping their presence would console her in some way.

Historia reached out and hugged as many of the children she could gather in her arms at once as everyone watched. Still crying, she whispered:

"Never leave me, children. Never, ever leave me."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxvii._** _These roman numerals are getting out of hand. Just felt like updating today. Haven't worked on this fic since mid-July heh. Don't get me wrong, it's still technically on hiatus, but like. I just felt like updating today. This should be the last chapter under 2,000 words, since I've changed my chapter length standards to 2k minimum since starting my other multi-chaptered fic ((y'all should read it; it's called Enchanted and it updates Tuesdays)). Thank you all for your support here, whether it be follows, favorites, or reviews. Leave your thoughts in the reviews (if that's what you're into~), and as always, have a greaaat daaaay~~ ^w^_


	23. Renewal

**Word Count:** 2,252

* * *

The time had come again for the next trainee's squad to graduate and choose their branch. Erwin had no death warnings for them this time around, since they had no major expeditions planned for a while, but he was still deadly honest with the survival rates in the Corps for the most part.

However, the statistics were looking brighter than they had last year: instead of a ninety percent death rate, thanks to research advancements and Eren's hopeful experiment results, the expected death rate for the new recruits in four years was a measly _seventy-five percent_.

Very encouraging, Erwin thought.

And so, out of the five hundred and eighty two total cadets from the four different training camps within the walls, a grand total of thirty-six cadets joined the Corps. But it was better than the last year's twenty-one, and the Corps took what they could get.

Eren watched the initiation ceremony intently that night. Erwin's speech seemed mostly unchanged from the year prior, but it seemed to work.

He watched as the vast majority of the cadets present turned around and walked away without a second thought when the commander told them that they were free to do so. A couple of those who gallantly remained standing looked conflicted or confused. One or two began to pace backwards with the rest of the crowd, but at the end of it, Eren saw thirty-six unmoving cadets standing in the flickering torchlight, and never had he ever felt his chest swell with so much pride and happiness at the growth of the military branch he had admired (and now been in!) for so long.

Eren awoke early the next morning, much earlier than he remembered doing for the last year. It was still mostly dark out when he peeked out of his window. The sky was a deep blue hue, the faint silver stars were fading away, and out in the castle courtyard, everything was still asleep.

He threw off his blankets and was instantly greeted with a rush of chilly winter air. He shivered, but jumped down from his bunk and pulled on his shoes and socks. Today the new cadets would be moving in! He wasn't too sure how to feel about no longer being on the bottom of the pecking order, but as he threw on his jacket and glanced at his reflection in the scratched, dim mirror in his dormitory, he paused and stared at it for a little longer than usual, as though he'd never seen his own reflection before.

Frankly, by the looks of himself, he never would have thought he would end up looking like this either. His hair was longer, resembling that of his titan form, his eyes had lost their angry glare and were more somber, and he lost much of the last of his baby fat he didn't realize he still had, giving him a gaunt and somewhat ghostly appearance. The hand he bit to transform had deep and ugly scars on it from his repeated transformations over the course of the last year despite the fact that his healing was now nearly perfect, the transformation scars remained.

A thin, orange beam of light peeked through the window, illuminating the dust floating about in the air and shedding some light on the three other boys he roomed with: Armin, Jean, and Connie, all three of which were sleeping soundly. Looking at his roommates, Eren realized all of them but Jean had changed since they had first met.

Armin's hair was halfway to being the original length of Mikasa's when they entered training camp; he tied it up into a little ponytail whenever they used the gear now, insisting that he didn't need a haircut. His face was still the roundest of them all, though his cheeks had lost their squish. Dark circles had formed under his eyes from all the sleepless nights he now spent with Hange, delving ever deeper into the madness that was her science.

Connie had undergone a growth spurt over the last year and was now the same height as Sasha. Eren frowned. How tall were his friends now? They hadn't been measured since their final exams, and, upon thinking about it, he and Mikasa weren't the same height anymore.

His train of thought was interrupted by a loud snort and a hack on Jean's part. Visually, the only part of horse-face that had changed was that his hair was a little longer. Still amazingly two-toned, no one had ever been able to figure out if Jean secretly dyed his hair to create the effect. But over the last four years of knowing him, Eren realized that his rival-turned-friend hadn't changed a bit.

Bright white sunlight glinted off a glass shard on a dresser into Eren's eyes, forcing him to turn away.

He left his dorm and left the castle, heading down toward the stables. He passed by Amalthea and Windigo, grazing contentedly on the lawn weeds, and smiled. He walked up to the now adult Windigo and scratched between the goat's nubby horns. Windigo bleated happily and butt Eren in the stomach, knocking all the wind out of the boy.

Eren laughed when he recovered enough breath to get up. He good-naturedly scratched to goat again and left for the stables once more.

He passed by his captain's room, expecting to hear Lillian's soft cries of separation anxiety, since Levi was rarely there when she awoke. Instead, the out-of-tune humming of Hange floated down from the open window. Eren looked up at the normally recklessly eccentric scientist cradling a baby and singing to it. It was a sight that he never would have believed to see if told about it the year before. Hange noticed him and waved energetically down at him, bouncing a little from excitement, but not enough to wake the sleeping babe in her arms.

Eren waved back and continued walking.

"Hullo, Avery," he said to his horse when he at last made it to the stables. It was Avery's last year serving in the military, since he would be turning seven before the next batch of recruits arrived and after three years of gruelling service, it would only be normal for him to be sold to some farmer or returned to the breeders to help sire the next generation. Eren had inherited Avery from a soldier that had died in the expedition before he had joined.

Avery softly nickered at his master and nuzzled the hand that was stroking him.

"There's going to be little baby cadets coming to join us today," Eren continued, "And new horses to replace the retiring ones, and everything's going to be born again soon in the spring." He fell silent, just enjoying the time to himself in the early morning. "It must be nice, being a horse. Even one in the military. No one expects _you_ to save the world."

Avery gazed at his master with sympathy, as though he understood the great pressure Eren went through every day as humanity's last hope.

"Ooi," a bright and cheerful voice called from behind Eren. He turned around to see Sasha standing in the doorway. "Mikasa's looking for you," she said. "I'll take care of the horses when they arrive–don't worry, I know 're from my old village."

Eren blinked and took his hand off his horse. "Sure," he answered, "But what did she want to talk about?"

Sasha shrugged. "I'unno, I wasn'' listenin'," she answered with a yawn, her distinct accent returning from the fact that she was too tired to talk properly.

Eren patted Avery one last time. "Okay, thanks, Sasha?" he told her, though in his confusion, it sounded more like a question.

"You're welcome," Sasha answered, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as Eren left.

* * *

Mikasa allowed herself to slowly drift into consciousness, as she did every morning, with her mind fading into awareness until she sat up and yawned. After all that was done, only then could she function properly in the morning.

This morning, she sat up, eyes still closed, and stretched while yawning. Something nearby her rustled, and she gently cracked open a silvery-grey eye to see what it was.

"You look pretty when you're sleeping," Eren simply told her as he sat cross-legged on the floor. Mikasa dropped her arms back down to her sides and finished her yawn.

"When I'm not having nightmares," she mumbled quietly to herself before it finally registered in her brain that her _boyfriend_ was in her _room_. Alone. With her. Oh, how the rumors would fly if someone saw them. "Turn around and wait for me outside," she chided.

"Sasha said you wanted me for something."

"I forget what I told Sasha to tell you last night, but I'm sure you don't need to be in here to do it. Besides, think about how much trouble we'd get in if someone saw us and decided to report it to the commander."

Eren pouted, but she reached over and pinched his cheek, as though he were still nine years old. "You're sixteen years old, Eren; that doesn't work anymore. Now, shoo. 你聽得懂嗎?" she gently said with a smile. She often reverted to her first, but not most fluent, language when she felt most playful. No one around her ever understood her fully, but it was her way of saying she felt safe and happy.

Eren obediently got up and left the room, ruffling Mikasa's already messy bedhead with a grin as he did so.

Mikasa watched him leave and politely close the door behind him.

She stretched again, letting out a yawn. Remarkably, that had been her first good night of sleep in a long, long time. Most nights she had some nightmare or another, though by this point, after seven long years of having them, she learned to recognize them in an instant and no longer feared them. Yet just now, she realized she woke up feeling refreshed and rested, a feeling she had forgotten.

As she pulled off her night shirt and buttoned up her plain, clean, white one she struggled to think back to the night before and what she told Sasha. Judging from the terrible taste in her dry mouth, she suspected alcohol had something to do with this brief spat of memory loss. The reason for drinking, she decided, probably had to do with whatever she needed to tell Eren.

Rubbing her temples absently, Mikasa sighed, then finished changing her clothes. She then slipped into her boots, laced them up, and walked out the door.

"Soooo, what did you need to tell me?" Eren asked the second she did.

Mikasa cursed inside, for she still had no idea.

Fortunately, their midget of a captain found them.

"Ackerman, Jaeger," he snapped, causing the cadets to instantly stand at attention. "At ease," he mumbled, "You're both aware you're doing a demonstration for the cadets later, correct?"

 _Ah, right! That's what I forgot; the demonstration._ Mikasa mentally facepalmed.

"Er," Eren began.

"Yes, sir," Mikasa cut in.

Levi grunted, satisfied. "Good. The new recruits will be here in an hour. Erwin wants you two to do something cool in front of them. He said something about it being some kind of way of making them write to their shitty friends in the other branches and convince them to transfer. I have no fucking clue. Just do something to wow their shitty little heads off." With that, Captain Ackerman stalked off, leaving his subordinates alone once more.

"Is that what you wanted to tell me?" Eren asked once their captain was out of earshot.

Mikasa nodded. "Mhm. You got any ideas?"

" _Me?_ Have _**ideas**_?! Surely you jest," Eren joked. "After all, it's always _Armin_ who has all the ideas and _you_ who vetoes every single one _I_ come up with."

"That's fair. But if I'll be honest here, I don't have any ideas right now, either. Heichou only told me a few hours ago, and I had to sleep."

"So what _are_ we going to do? Murder three big-ass men with just a tiny knife and our willpower alone?"

Mikasa glared at him and bit her tongue as a few of those faded memories tugged at her.

"... Right. _What if_ …"

"I know I suggested you come up with the idea, but I have a bad feeling already."

" _Please_. What if… _I turned into a titan in front of them and made them shit their pants?_ "

Mikasa was silent for a couple seconds as she thought ahead to the potential repercussions they could receive for allowing Eren to transform unauthorized. On one hand, Levi _had_ told them that Erwin told _him_ that they had to make a real impression on the recruits. On the other hand, there was no going around the fact that Eren was always to be under strict supervision when in his titan form.

"We could get Hange to come watch so that I don't go berserk while it happens," Eren suggested.

That sold her. It had been a little while since Mikasa had planned a spot of good fun.

"I'm in."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxviii._** _I think that's the author's note we're on. O-O'. It's certainly been a while, hasn't it? I actually finished this chapter up a few weeks ago, and I planned on building up a queue of them while I focused on_ Enchanted _and start working on this as my main again when that fic was finished. And I mean, I have about 300 words of the next chapter written, but this fic has really taken the backseat. Sorry 'bout kinda ditching you all like that. It'll be a while until I'll start doing this full-time again, a couple months at least, but when I finish chapters in my spare time, I'll publish them for you guys._

 _In case any of you guys were wondering what kind of accent I gave Sasha in this chapter, it was actually my local accent! I didn't realize we had an accent (technically, we have the standard accent), but I realized we actually did a while back. We tend to drop our t's, that's the biggest thing. But yeah. And don't worry about the random Chinese Mikasa used; all she said was "Do you understand?" and you don't have to understand the Chinese for the plot anyway. It was just a little thing._

 _Anyway, thanks for being so patient with me. Feel free to follow and/or favorite if you're new! Leave your thoughts in the reviews, if that's what you're into, and as always, have a greaaat daaay~_


	24. Demonstration

**Word Count:** 2,295

* * *

Of all the things Hange Zoё had ever expected Cadet Ackerman to ever do, saunter into her office with Cadet Jaeger in tow, sit right down in front of her desk, and ask for supervision and permission for Cadet Jaeger to transform on castle grounds, was _not_ one of them. But it happened.

Not that she was complaining. Really, Hange already felt herself be filled with that ever-familiar buzz of excitement she got whenever she got the opportunity to do some work with Eren. The fact that he had even _asked_ for it (Well, his partner had asked, but he was present and even looked excited to do such a thing, so Hange assumed it was all his idea anyway) made it all the better.

But…

Well, nah. Moblit could handle her duties. This was _science_ , and Hange Zoё never, _ever_ missed an opportunity to science!

"So… may we?" Mikasa tentatively asked.

Hange slammed her palms down on her desk, sure that her expression looked manically excited– because in all honesty, that's quite how she felt– and leaned in very, very, (probably uncomfortably so) close to the cadets. Then she sprang back and yelled, " _FUCK YEAH! !_ " She bounded over her desk and was nearly out the door when she remembered that Eren and Mikasa hadn't budged at all in the last two seconds, _probably_ from shock. She stopped her momentum by seizing the open doorframe, awkwardly turned around, and cracked a sheepish grin. "Whoops. By all means, continue explaining your idea."

"Captain Levi told us that Commander Erwin asked him to ask us to do an impromptu demonstration for the new cadets to impress them. So, I came up with the _brilliant_ idea of shifting in front of the cadets so that they would shit their pants," Eren explained.

Aww. Hange pouted slightly. "Is that all? Nothing _fun_?"

"Define _fun_ , Squad Leader," Mikasa asked, sounding quite suspicious.

Hange half sat on a pile of papers on her desk and stroked an imaginary beard on her chin. "More people, perhaps? And doing something more than just your basic shift-then-roar kind of thing."

"Are you suggesting that we physically terrorize the new cadets?" Mikasa incredulously said. "That's _dangerous_ ; we're only supposed to scare them!"

"To be fair, they kind of signed up for this," Eren pointed out.

"Exactly! They'll be dealing with _feral_ titans out on expeditions, not the tame creature we have with Eren. Here, they're not in danger of being eaten, but it would be good practice against an abnormal or something if we just surprise ambushed them," Hange argued.

"Okay, you got me there. But what about this 'more people' idea?"

Hange looked down at her fingers and started counting off on them. "Well first we'll need the rest of your year. Who was in it, again? Uh, there was you two, Armin, Baldie, Potato Girl, and, uh… who was the last one again? I know there was that useless piece of pectoral muscle, but he was a titan shifter, and so was his tall friend."

"The last one was horse-face," Eren answered. "You also forgot Ymir, but she's M.I.A. right now anyway."

Hange counted them off on her fingers again. "Seven of you left? Wow, that's a lot less than there were last year when you guys started out, but whatever, to be expected."

"Six, Squad Leader; I think you accidentally counted Ymir," Mikasa corrected. "And I _think_ there are more in our year still alive, but we don't really know them, so we can't help you there."

"Six of you, huh? That's probably enough." Her glasses glinted in a seemingly evil way.

"Hange, you're scaring me," Eren said.

Hange hopped off her desk and laughed, waving him off as she headed for the door. "Don't worry about it, Eren, everything's going to be a-okay."

"That's what worries me," the two cadets sighed in unison as they followed.

* * *

Armin clutched the tree branch above him for dear life. He'd never been the greatest with heights (though it had greatly subsided over the years, to the point where he could tolerate most heights), but crouching on the flimsy tree branch, trying to remain hidden in the leaves, really brought out the worst of it. It dipped and swayed to his every movement, reminding him that he was no longer the skin-and-bones lightweight he had been the year before, making him nauseous with anticipation.

"Armin, stop fidgeting," Mikasa hissed from down below, on a much more stable branch due to her extreme weight. "Eren and I are here to catch you if you fall, but if you keep moving, the new kids are going to be able to see your swinging branch from a mile away and suspect something."

"I can't believe you had this idea, Eren," Armin said through gritted teeth. "And I can't believe _you_ went with it, Mikasa. Heck, I can't believe you two were so into it that you went to Squad Leader _Hange_ for permission to do it and now _I've_ been roped into it as well!"

"Don't forget about us," Jean loudly whispered from his hiding place on the roof of a tower. "Jaeger got _us_ into this, too."

"Hey! It wasn't _my_ idea, it was Hange's!"

"I think it's kinda fun," Sasha cheerfully chimed in from the tower itself, not even bothering to whisper like the rest of them. "After all, when do we ever get to play around with Eren's titan form? All the experiments take place up in the mountains, and we're not allowed to come."

"Hey, _guys_ ," Connie called from his place next to Sasha, pointing down at the road that led to town, where Hange was leading the new cadets on horseback. "They're _coming_ , so _shut up_."

Armin settled down and tried not to move, watching the approaching newbies through the leaves.

The branch nearest to him started to shake, causing some of the leftover dead leaves from winter to fall off. He sighed. "Eren, now it's _your_ turn to stop fidgeting," he quietly chided.

"I can't help it," Eren whispered in response. "I'm so excited."

Mikasa sighed loudly from down below, and the branch next to him stopped vibrating.

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

Armin stared intently through the gap in the leaves for Hange's signal. He wasn't sure what it was, but he'd been told he'd know it when he saw it, so he trusted his comrades to understand it when they saw it too. They were all getting so close; they were at the part where the road was actually kind of maintained stone instead of a simple dirt path and coming out of the woods.

Almost ten minutes passed in complete stony silence. They were at the gate now; if any one of those new cadets looked carefully enough, they'd probably be able to spot the tops of Connie and Sasha's heads peering out of the tower window. Luckily, though, none of them liked looking up that much.

 _Where was her signal?_ Armin wondered as Hange leaped off her horse and unlocked the gate. _They're really close now_.

A faint cry was heard from inside the tower. Sasha softly cursed.

"What the fuck?" Jean whispered. "Who's in there other than you two?"

"Lillian," Connie answered, just before leaving his station at the window as well. "She wasn't up here a minute ago."

"Did you guys leave the door open? ?" Eren demanded. "She can walk, you know."

Sasha poked her head out of the window, trying to soothe the child. "I mean, yeah, we knew; I just didn't realize she could climb _stairs_."

"Well, let her _down_!" Jean hissed.

"She's going to _roll down the stairs_ if we don't help her!"

"So what? ? It's her fault for coming up in the first place! Let her roll down and learn her lesson!"

"Uh, Jean, I don't think that the soft spot on top of her head has closed up yet," Connie nervously chimed in.

Armin glanced down at Hange and the trainees. She seemed to be lecturing them on something, and for a moment he thought that it still wasn't time, but then then he noticed the squad leader glaring at them from her spot every so often. He almost fell down from his branch. " _Guys–_ I think we're being cued! Sasha, you're up first, _you have to put Lily down_."

Sasha straddled the the window ledge, holding a barely calmed Lillian close to her chest with one hand and her gear in the other. "It's okay, I can do this with one hand," she insisted as she shot out a line.

 _Wait, doesn't using maneuver gear require two hands?!_ Armin realized, then shifted all his weight to the balls of his feet so that if need be, he could shoot out a wire and (hopefully) save the day.

It took exactly half a second for Sasha's face to morph from confidence to morbid anticipation when she realized that holding a _very valuable, living human child_ meant she couldn't just switch hands midair to change directions, and that she was going to crash into a tree very, very soon.

Armin yanked his sword handles out of their holsters, about to 3DMG out to catch her, but a huge wave of heat suddenly came from below, causing the air around him to become turbulent and violently jerking him off into a freefall. In his panic, he forgot his four years of military experience, fumbled with his gear, and holding back a screech of terror, he struggled to shoot _something_ out that would keep him from smashing into the ground and into a little blond pancake.

Had it not been for Mikasa just barely catching him by his jacket collar and lightly landing on the tower wall, he wasn't sure if he would have made it.

Armin looked down at the ground, feeling dizzy from both the adrenaline rush of his near-death experience and his found-again weariness of heights. "Thanks, Mika," he weakly said, looking up at her. "But what happened?"

She sighed.

Looking at the tree from which they came and seeing a steaming Eren in his titan form holding the wire of Sasha's gear back, Armin pieced together what happened himself and also sighed.

Sasha herself was clinging tightly to Lillian, probably smothering the child to some degree. Lillian, in turn, was absolutely bawling.

Armin flashed back to the first day of having her, and how Hange had tossed her in the air and caused her to cry. He mentally facepalmed; if their first day having the kid hadn't left a permanent mental scar surrounding heights, then today surely would.

There was a very prominent silence as everyone stood stock still, with the only noise coming from the faint _hiss_ that Eren's titan form let off.

After a good half minute or so, Jean jumped out from his hiding place and smiling anxiously, yelled, "WELCOME TO THE SURVEY CORPS!"

He was met with crickets.

Armin maneuvered back to the tree he had come from and looked back down at Hange and the cadets. Though they were a little far away, he distinctly saw one exasperatedly glare at the one next to them, as if to say, " _I can't believe you convinced me to join this branch full of nincompoops_." Hange herself raised an eyebrow at them; saying things didn't quite go as planned was the understatement of the year. But, she nodded slightly at them in approval and, collecting the new cadets' attention, led them inside the castle for a tour.

Eren let Sasha and Lillian down on the ground gently and pulled himself out of his flesh cocoon. " _Connie_ ," he called, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

The bald boy popped his head out from the tower window, sheepishly grinning. "Yeeaaah?"

" _Weren't you supposed to be backup in case someone lost control?_ "

"I _still_ think making the idiot in our play that role was a stupid idea," Jean hollered from the roof.

"Jean, weren't _you_ the one who was supposed to do cool maneuver flips or whatever it is that you do?" Armin pointed out.

"Oh, I'm _sorry_. I didn't realize we were supposed to continue doing our frivolous tricks as our comrade and captain's child were heading towards their doom," Jean sarcastically replied.

"Oi, brats."

All of Levi's squad flinched and fell silent, leaving only Lillian's shrill cries piercing the air. Their captain marched out of the supply warehouse a several dozen meters away, wielding a spray bottle of bleach and a broomstick. He stopped at the base of Eren's rapidly decaying titan body and glared viciously at every single one of them.

"We can explain?" Sasha said as their superior took his child back, bouncing her in his arms in an attempt to soothe her.

The rather apathetic stare they received as an answer meant everything.

Armin sighed, thinking about all the things they'd have to clean for the next fortnight or so as punishment for letting Lillian almost die.

"Four-eyes put you all up to this, didn't she?"

"Well, uhhh…" Eren trailed off.

"All of you. Untangle yourselves from this mess immediately," Levi snapped. He turned heel towards the castle. "Then come to my office."

"Yes, sir," they monotonously chanted, and with a sigh, began to organize themselves.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxix._** _*weak cheering* This story's a year old now! I feel. A little embarrassed, tbh. But at the same time, this fic has spawned several inside jokes with my friends. Most of which are future plot points (if you could call it a plot, tbh) that we're not going to get to for a long time, but HEY! It still works! Sorry if the chapter seemed a little disjointed or whatever. I started writing it in December, then I left it for all of January, and then most of Feburary... yeah. Anyway, thank you all so much for being patient with me! ! ! I still can't believe it's a year old lol._

 _Anyway, if you're new, feel free to leave a follow or a favorite, or a review, if that's what you're into! (Or leave a review regardless of how long you've been following :3) I have a lot, a lot of other fic on my profile for this fandom (and a poll. Please vote in that), so if you haven't read any of that, you could like. Check that out. *shamelessly self-promotes* And as always, have a greaaaat daaaaay~~~_


	25. Fools 2017

**Word Count:** 1,700

* * *

Levi closed the door behind his squad memebers. He glared at them for a solid window before walking over to the minute and tossing Lillian out the window.

All of this squad members jaws dropped in horroe, but then, a million million ghosts whoosehed upward, catching everyone by surprise. Except Lillian. The ghosts couldn't seem to catch her, so she ended up splattered all over the floor. The ghosts shrieked on utter horror. They had never seean a dead body before.

"CAPTAIN WHY?!" armin screeched.

"Because," he answered himself in a much deeper voice but before he could say anything else, the goats burst through the worm, baaring loudly.

"Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetings," the ond wrinky one said, phitting Jean in the thigh. "We have come for Jeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan."

"Actually, it's pronounced 'Jean,"'

"Shut it, horesy," the smol one said.

"Wait but why?" Sasha asked.

The old wrinkly goat stared her straight in the eye. "The deeeebt must bee paaaaiiid."

"The _deeeeebt_ must be _paaaaiiiid_."

" _The DEEEEEEEEEBT must be PAIIIIIIIIID._ "

" _THE_ _ **DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBT**_ _MUST BE_ _ **PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID.**_ "

" _ **THE**_ _ **DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBT**_ _ **MUST BE**_ _ **PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID**_."

Jean fainted. The goats dragged him away by the ears.

Connie suddenly fell to his knees, sceeching.

"Con-con, what fuck you screechin 'bout," sasha grumbled.

"MY HAIR!"

"You don't have any hair"

"MY HAIR IS FAKE!"

" _YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HAIR_."

A shrunken suddenly flew through the air and pierced Connie's hairy head. Mikasa blew the smole away from her smouldering finger, giving her best bitch glare at everyone.

"NOOOOOO. CONNIEEEEEEE!" Sasha screeched.

"Wow, that was sexy," her boyfriend said.

"Thanks"

"Let's go save all humanity from the titans then get married"

"As long as you don't becomeporn s-"

"YOU KILLED MY BOYFRIEND!" sahs pulled a fully loaded crossbow from her bra. She pointed it as Levi, even though he had had absolutely nothing to do with this any.

Erwin stepped in, dramatically posing. His eyebrows blushed in embarrassment.

"Everyone;" ge; dramatically; posted; "I;" he; dramatically; posted; againe; "have;" dramatic; pose;"no;" drama; pos; "idea " DRAMATIC; POSE; "how;" another; "to;" dramatic; "use;" pose; "semicolons;"not; one; not; two; not; even; three; or four; but; FIVE; dramatic; poses; "please;" pose; "send;" not; dramatic; pose; "help;" EXTRA; DRAMATIC; POSE; ; ;

"Tch," levi tched. "Eight out of fifteen for that last pose. Not dramatic enough."

Erwin;s; eyebrows; snapped; sssily; "Binch;" his; left; eyebrow said; "Sweaty;" his; eyebrow;s; said; "We; were; going; to; eliminate; all; the; titans; for; you; but; binch;" the; byebrows; raised; their; not; on; fleek; eyebrows;

"Wait, erwin, it was your EYEBROWS causing the Titan War?" Armin demanded.

"I; was; not; informed; of; this;" Erwin; dramatically; said;

"Yes;" his; brow; stated; "We; cantrol; the; titans; WE; caused; the; war; And; now; with; Erwin;s; lifespan; waning; we; must; select; and; groom; a; new; host;;;;;"

Everyone turned to Armin, including the eyebrows, who plucked themselves off Erwin's face.

"Any; last; words; befre; we; take; over; Arlert;" the; jeered; the; eyebrows;

Amin's already enormous eyes widened wonsiderably as tears formed at the corners of his eyes. He threw himself to the floor and began to grandy weep. "I'm in love with a rOCK!" he cried

"哎呀," mikasa said. "誰啊? 誰啊、誰啊?"

"Wat," hange said.

" **誰啊**? ?"

"Wait!" Eren yelled. "There's only one rock in this universe that Armin could have possibly fallen in love with! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"

"誰啊? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? " Mikasa helplessly asked as everyone else chorused, "WHO?" and held their breath dramatically.

Eren reached into his pocket, and very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr, veyr, very, very, very, very, vey, very, very, very, very, very, very, vey, very, very, very, very, ery, vey, vry, veryv, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, vey, beyu, very. Very .v ery, very, very, very, vey , vey, very, very, very ,vey, very, ery, vey, very, very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very, "very is a very green word to me, " very veried, ery, very, very, very, very, very, very, ery, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, varioousoisd, variosus, varuous,very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very, ery, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr, very, veyr, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, vry, berry, bery, bery, very, very, very, very, very, ery, ver, very, very, very, very, very ,very, very ,very ,very ,ver h,ver h, ery,v ery, very, very, very, veyr, very, very, very ,very ,eyr veyv,,sg,yvwr,y vw,yr, very, very, very, veryj, very, very, fey, vey veyf, veyv ey, very, very, very, very, very, ver very, very, ery, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, vey, vey, vey, very,, very ver y, very, very ,very ,very ,very ,very, very,very, veryvery, ververy, ery, very, evey, veryda, very, very, sveyr, vdyer, veydr, every, dverye, vdery, vye, very, vey, ve4y, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, er, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very ,very, very, veyr veyre, veyr, vyef, ey ,efy ve,ry ,efy ver,yve yr, veyr, vyer, veyr, veyr, veyr, veyr, veyr, veyr, vyer, vyer, very,v ery, very, very, very,v ery, very, veyr, veyk,v eyr, veyr, veyr, veyr, vyekr, vye, vye,r ve yr, veyr, vey, vey, veyr, veyf, veyf, eyvv,ev yk,ev ye,, vey,v ey,v ey,v e, very, ve ry,v ery, ve ry, veyr, very, very, very, veyr, very, very, veyr, veyr, veyr, veyr, veyr, veyr, veyr ,veyr, veyr, veyr, very, very,v ery, very, veyr, very, very, very, very, very, very, ey, very, very, very ,eyyyy lmap, veyr, veyr very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, 420 blaze it lmao, v3ry, vyr, very, veryvery, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr,v ery, veyr very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, ery, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very ,very ,very, _very,_ very, very, very,v ery,v ery,v ery, very, very, veyr, very, very very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr, very, very, very _very, vey, very, veyr, very, very, very, very, very,, very, very, very, very, veyr, veyr, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr, very, very, very,, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veyr, veyr, veyr, very, very,v ery, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, ery, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,_

"OKAY," levi yelled, "we get it. There are a lot of "very"s!"

Very, very, veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrryyyyyy slowly

"NO! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !" Levi screeched, slapping the nattator/author's hand. "Not slowly. No verys, no slowly. Just. GET. ON. WITH. THE. STORY."

Eren pulled a rock out of his pocket and proudly held it over his head. "Hilbert!" he declared.

"You fool! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !" five-year-old Lillian screeched, slapping Hilert the rock out of his hand. She picked up hilbert the rock and started running away again. "You FOOLS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"

"Yeah, what Lily said!" Sasha yelled. "You fool! No one on this earth could ever love Hilbert the rock!"

"Only Dwayne "The Rock" ohnson is a rock capable of being loved!" Connie cried, coming back from the dead.

Everyone softly gasped.

"SOFTELY; GASPS;" Erwin; softly; gasped; "Armin; it; it true; Are; you; really; in; love; with; Dwayne; "The; Tock;" Johnson;"

Before Armin could answer, a oopy green portal opened itself up in spacetime and Pixis and Cooler Pixis stepped out.

"Shit," Levi said, pulling out a mixture of glitter and ashes out of his pocket and throwing it at his feet and disappeated in a sprakly pink poof.

"Nuuuuuuuuuu," not-Col Pixis cried, reaching out to touch the sparkly pink poof, but Cooler Poxies stopped him.

"It's okay, not- Cool Pixis, you'll have a gay old man threesome with him someday."

"You don't understand, Cooler pixis! You at least have your coolness to get you AU Levis! I… have nothing."

"It's okay not-Cool Pixis, you just have to find the AU Levi that likes not-Cool Pisises. Pixises? Pixi? Prix-prixions?"

"Pixi," not-Cool Pixis sadly said and began to bawl, "But the only AU Levi that likes me is the not-Cool Levi! I don't handt to settle for the not-cool Levi!"

The door and wall leading into the room suddenly broke down and Ga _solinea_ remixed with _Megalovania_ remixed with _Hello Darkness my old Friend_ remixed with "All Star" by smash Mouth except every time the word somebody is said "somebody" plays in its stead remixed with the entire bee movie except every time they say bee it gets faster began blasting, but ten seonds in i t changed into a rIckroll and everyone groaned.

"Moblit!" Hange snapped. "What's gotten into you?!"

Moblit linked his tongue up and down and started blasting Evanescene "Wake Me Up Insde."

Guess We'll have to figh t fire with fire," Hanjo mtuttered , reaching into her pants and pulling out a paunch pad. She pressed a few buttons, and a few seconds later, _arude Sandstorm_ began ot play. Weed grew up all around her as she crosesd her arms and a hat and shades appeared on her head.

Moblit squinted at her, twiddled a few buttons, and just before the next chrous of _Neer gonna Give You Up_ played, airhorns began to blast and everyone screamed, " _JOHN CENA(™) ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Doo-doo-doo-dooooooo! Da-dunha-duh! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"_

eVERYONE freeze framed and record scatced, followed by another freeze frame, Hagjime Isayama jimped out of nowhere into the real lifes and yelled, "WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THAT? WHAT WILL HAVNGE MEME NEXT IN THE NEXT MEME WAR AS THEY MEME FOR THE TITLE OF MEMELORD?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxx._** _hey kids fun fact 35.7% of this year's crackfic is the word "very". I stopped looking at the screen or the keyboard as i typed, but it's not technically blind. I wrote it all out in my wee little notebook that I carry around with me for me writing ideas. So, technically, there is a perfectly spelled version out there. The "very"s just kind of padded out the word count because i wanted an Even Number like last year, but I didn't want to make you all suffer with 400 extra "very"s... because originally there were only 464 verys, but now there 607._

 _Also holy CRAP season TWO airs TOADAY and i'm not sure how i feel about it because as i type out this author's notes it's the anniversary of julius cesar's stabbing! ! ! ! march 15th for y'all plebeians. anyway HYPE STILL I'M SO NOT READY. also there's a piece of legitimate foreshadowing in this crack fic... though i suppose it's not very subtle. idk leave a guess or something in the reviews (if that's what you're into) and as always kiddies, have a greaaaaaaaaaat daaaaaaaaay~_


	26. Taxes

**Word Count:** 2,779

* * *

A captain shorter than all but one of his squad, especially one holding a rather shaken and red-faced child, couldn't have possibly looked terrifyingly angry. However, the fact of the matter still stood: the obscenely small, clean captain known as the Levi Squad captain _Captain_ Levi of the Survey Corps was holding his hardly older than one-year-old daughter Lillian Elizabeth Rivaille in one hand and an absurdly tall stack of paperwork beneath the other was in fact objectively _petrifying_ to his six squad members despite one's first thought.

Not a single one _dared_ actually look him straight in his fuming, silvery eyes for fear that they, in a single instant, would be reduced into nothing more than a wisp of a whisper of a memory. Instead, they stared straight ahead, at perfect, frozen attention, out the window behind their captain's desk, at the curtains that framed it, or, if the cadet were so unlucky, at the wall the held it.

His office was stone silent, save for the cold, rhythmic, repeated sound of his soles hitting the cold, stone floor as he tapped his foot on the floor, and for the (comparatively) loud and whiny breaths of Lillian's just drying tears from her trauma. It seemed as if the entire room was holding its breath, and it stayed so for what felt like an eternity.

A single drop of sweat ran down Connie's back. Unnerved, it made another one drip down his forehead. He did not flinch, did not move a muscle nor tear his eyes away from the single crack in the wall he had fixated upon since entering the room. Refusing to acknowledge his fear, the sweating soon stopped, but the tension did not. It was so thick that not even a knife would suffice to break it: only the Colossal Titan could at this point of time.

"At ease," Levi hissed.

Connie took his first deep breath of what felt like the _hour_ , slid his left foot so that it was shoulder's width away from his right, and dropped his hands as blades to his sides, all in perfect sync with his teammates. However, none dared loosen up their muscles, stiff from having to stay still for so long after being so active.

Their captain's free hand came off the stack of paper, and Lillian was promptly switched over to that one. Levi began to walk ever so slowly before his subordinates, stopping at the end of the row, where the shortest of them stood: Connie Springer.

The boy almost imperceptibly gulped.

Oh, he tried to keep it as inconspicuous as he could; in all honesty, his instincts had kicked in, and he was playing 'possum just as much as a real opossum would in that situation. But his rusty muscles refused to play as he wished and moved visibly despite his wishes.

The captain's eyes almost _imperceptibly_ narrowed. However, he said nothing and continued walking until he was behind his desk.

"You all know what you've done, correct?"

"Yes, sir," came weak, scattered mumblings.

"Sound off, cadets."

" _Yes, sir!_ " they replied, using muscles they only used when they screamed as terrified. Though, granted, now seemed the time to be terrified.

Levi took a step backward, and his expression seemed to relax slightly. "Good," he said. He spent the next minute or so simply pacing in circles around his desk, scrutinizing his subordinates with a sharpened glare every so often.

He paused in front of Jean, who was on the other end of the line from Connie, before he made another loop. He slammed his free hand down on the mighty pile of paperwork on his desk, causing everyone to flinch from surprise.

"Your punishment will be…" He paused very grandly, and the whole room seemed to hold its breath, though Lillian didn't seem to get the memo and accidentally ruined the whole effect. "Filing your own taxes."

Levi squad exhaled all at the same time and were finally, truly, at ease. Was that really all?

"They're due, completed, in two weeks. Leave them on my desk, and Erwin and I will take care of the rest. If you need help, just track down Four-Eyes, and Moblit will probably be there to help you.

"Dismissed."

* * *

It was but an hour later when Connie discovered that neither he nor Sasha nor anyone, really, except Armin and Jean, really, were as literate as they liked to think they were. Even discovering that Jean was one of the more literate ones of their group had come as a surprise, but coming from a (albeit lower) middle-class family, it made sense.

Armin could only read and do math as well as he did because he _tried_ ; he, Eren, and Mikasa had stopped formal schooling after the fall of Wall Maria, and the military's schooling hardly focused on loftier topics like arithmetic or language.

Hence why when Connie opened up the instruction manual Moblit had given him and Sasha, he felt as if it were nothing but a pile of gibberish. The two of them had tried flipping through it together, holed up in the boys' dorm, but since Sasha had no formal schooling prior to joining the military… well.

While it was true, they _could_ both read enough to get by, the sheer density of the information and foreignness of the language in tax manual

Suffice to say, they had a bit of a problem on their hands.

So, they barged into the Shiganshina trio's workspace in Sasha and Mikasa's room for help.

"Aaaarmin, what's a W-2?"

"Aaaarmin, what are all these schedules for?"

"Aaaarmin, what does 'gross income' mean?"

"Aaaarmin–"

"Okay, okay, I get it; you guys have no idea what's going on," the small blond irritably cut in. "Just sit down, we'll figure this out together."

"Say, where's Jean?" Eren asked.

Sasha shrugged. "Went off on his own, I think. Dunno how well he's doing, but he seems to understand the manual at the very least."

"I'm pretty sure we scared him off with how little we know," Connie pitched in.

"Damn rich kid," Eren joked as he kicked off his shoes and socks so that he could sit cross-legged on a bed. "Able to read well and pay his own taxes, like _daaaamn_ that great education quality in the inner walls, amirite?"

Armin snorted and flipped back and forth between the same two pages, trying to process what it was trying to say. "I can only imagine what the schools teach all the way in Sina."

"Probably that ye olde kingy Fritz is a saint and we should all respect him for being 'progressive' and 'helping marginalized peoples'," Connie joked, and everyone laughed (even Mikasa let out a snort).

"Thank goodness we have good old Historia on the throne now." Sasha sighed with contentment and pulled a lump of bread out of her uniform pocket. She stared at the handbook before herself and Connie, but no matter how hard she tried, it was just too… wordy.

"Hey, Eren, do you think we could get away with checking the box that says 'married, filing separately'?" asked Mikasa, talking for the first time since Connie and Sasha had entered. "Apparently you get more tax deductions if you're married."

"I think the real question there is would Heichou let you two get away with it," Armin absently replied for him. "Though, I don't think it really matters right now if you get extra tax deductions or not. We're not paid in cash; we never see any of this money for ourselves, and we're pretty much provided for by the government. I mean, yeah, we technically we get paid– I think–"

Connie's mind wandered after that, having lost interest in the conversation.

"…You know, we _might_ be able to get out of all this paperwork," Mikasa thoughtfully said. About half her forms were filled with numbers that made little to no sense, almost as though she guessed on all the little input boxes and attempted to do the math from there.

Now what she had just said brought him back to the real world with the words " _get out of"_ and " _paperwork"_. Even better that they were in the same sentence.

Everyone else seemed to perk up as well.

"Really? How?" Sasha asked, more excited than anyone else besides perhaps himself that they wouldn't have to do anything.

"Well, we pay taxes to the government."

"The tax collectors take a cut of it, though," Armin chimed in.

"Our main governmental body is the queen, Historia. So therefore, since we have connections, we can see if we can either visit her and pay taxes like that, or see if she can come here and we pay taxes like _that_."

"You know, that doesn't make much logical sense, but I'm still on board with this idea," Connie decided.

"Not much of what you and Sasha do makes any logical sense," Eren said.

"Fair point."

There was a significant pause between the five of them.

"Sooo, are we actually do this?" Armin prompted.

Connie grinned. "Abso- _fucking_ -lutely."

* * *

 _Dear Historia,_

 _Whassup girl, it's your buds from the 104th here (Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie, to be exact). We hope you've been doing well. It's been like a month since we've seen you. You should come visit._

 _Connie got his head stuck between some fence posts the other day. We're still not sure how, but it was hilarious. He still insists that Jean paid him to do it but none of us have seen the money to prove it, sooooo…_

 _Anyway, you might be wondering why we're writing. It's been like a month since we've seen you and absolutely_ no _word from us whatsoever. I hope you don't assume we don't care. We miss youuuu. Anyway, taxes are due in two weeks, and we have no idea what we're doing. Kindly get your educated royal heinie over here so that you can help us._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Armin Arlert_

 _Eren Jaeger_

 _Mikasa Ackerman_

 _Conny Springer_

 _Susha Blouse_

Historia looked up from the letter, absolutely flabbergasted.

She read it over again. All she could really do at this point was facepalm out of sheer speechlessness and exasperation.

She folded up the letter and sighed. She _really_ had nothing to say to her friends, no way to _respond_ to their… plea? Though she had to admit, the random paragraph about Connie getting his head stuck between fence posts was genuinely hilarious and honestly sounded _exactly_ like something he would do.

Just thinking about it made her want to laugh, but she was in the presence of at least two chambermaids who had the uttermost fearful respect of her, and she didn't really want to ruin that kind of awe-filled image they had of her.

Still, some sniggers escaped her. "Why am I even friends with these idiots?" she mused.

She put the mask of tired calm back on before she got too carried away and tossed the letter onto a dresser, sighing. "Lynne?" she called.

"Yes, milady?" one of her maids quietly piped up.

"Could you fetch my old uniform and gear and then tack up old Junebug for me? I have some business in Rose– oh, but don't tell anyone. I don't want the kids to get too rowdy if they I'm gone for so long."

"So long, Your Highness?" Both maids looked quite alarmed.

Historia laughed lightly. "Don't worry; I'll only be a few days. Oh, but _do_ make sure Lena doesn't forget to tuck them all in at night."

* * *

"All right, you dumb fucks, what's going on?"

Everyone settled into their places in the Mikasa and Sasha's room, whether that place be on one of the beds themselves, on the side table, or just straight-up on the floor.

"Actually, I think the better term for this situation would be ' _illiterate fucks'_ ," Armin corrected.

"Armin, only literate people say 'illiterate'," Mikasa pointed out.

"I don't even know what either of those words even _mean_ ," Connie absently said.

"Illiterate means you can't read, Connie," Armin explained.

Sasha suddenly barked with laughter. "That's us all right! Dumb, illiterate fucks."

"Soooo, refresh my memory," Historia said. " _Why_ did you ask me to visit?"

Sasha leaned over and rested her head ever so lightly on the small girl's knee. "Because we _looooooove_ you, Historia~"

The small blonde was not amused, pushing Sasha off her knee without batting an eye. "Of course, because friends who love their friends never send any letters," she dryly answered.

Eren sheepishly grinned. "It's been a busy month?" He tried to cover up the fact that they had somewhat forgotten about their small-but-powerful friend.

The rest of them nodded their heads solemnly in agreement.

"So. Taxes," Mikasa said, steering the conversation back to where it had ought to be. "How do we file them?"

"Do we just pay you, get you to sign a form so that Captain Levi lets it go, and be done with it?"

"Well, I think first we need to find out how much we pay her."

"Hang on, guys. I could have _sworn_ that there had been a spike in the trasry about a month ago, and I'd been _told_ it was taxes," Historia cut in, very confused all of a sudden. "I really thought you guys were just joing about the taxes thing in the letter, kind of like how you were talking about Connie getting his head stuck between fence posts."

Connie looked incredulously at Armin. "You told her _WHAT_?"

"Oh, was it a secret?"

"I NEVER GOT MY HEAD STUCK BETWEEN TWO FENCEPOSTS! ! !"

"Well, we needed _some_ kind of filler so that it wouldn't look like we were just begging for help on _taxes_ ," Armin argued.

The whole letter made a lot more sense to Historia now. Of course Armin wrote it with little to no input from the others. Only he would ever start up a letter to the fucking _queen_ up with "whassup girl".

"But wait, guys," Eren said. "If Historia got the taxes already, then what are we filing?"

Everyone paused at that. Was all this just a ploy by Levi to get them out of his hair for a while? No, it couldn't have been; he was too respectful of the rules to just give them a _fake punishment_.

Armin flipped through his heap of paperwork then suddenly paused. "Guys, you're not going to belieive this," he said as he pulled out his W-2. He showed it to all of them and pointed to one of the boxes.

 _Amount withheld by government._

Everyone turned to face Historia.

She threw her hands up in the air, though it was in neither surrender nor defeat. "Don't look at me," she said defensively. "I run an orphanage, not every aspect of the government."

"But you're _queen_ ," Connie pointed out.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's every aspect of the government," said Sasha.

Historia opened her mouth to refute that, but the door behind her opened up first. Jean walked in, staring at his own tax work.

"Hey guys, do you know what order we're supposed to attach these forms? I can't– woAH!" He stumbled over the tiny Historia but caught himself just in time.

"You're _done_?" Eren yelled before Jean could apologize to the queen.

So instead, he threw a quizzical look at Eren. "Yeah?" he replied, but it sounded a lot more like a question than an answer. "I mean, we pretty much only had to plug in the numbers on the W-2 and have everything else left blank. Maybe fill out a schedule or two, depending on what happened over the year. After all, Captain Levi _did_ say to just fill out the forms given and leave the rest on his desk for him and Commander Smith to do."

He turned to Historia. "Sorry for tripping over you. I must've missed you from how small you were."

"Things your future significant other will be saying about y–" She stopped herself.

"What?"

She sighed and waved him off. "It's nothing," she said. "But _I_ can't believe _these_ five called me out here for nothing."

"We _looooove_ you, Historiaaa~" Sasha sang again.

"Oh, pooh; go file your taxes."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note idk anymore so I'll just make it the same as the chapter number sooo xxiii._** _whoops almost forgot i update this on sundays._ _You know, at first i was like "oh no this chapter's kinda filler-y i hope they don't mind i'd better apologize in the a/n! !" and then i realized. this entire fic is filler. there is no plot. they are raising lillian. that /is/ the plot._

 _how2filetaxes101 halp it's been like two years since i did mock taxes i'm not sure what happens with the schedules after schedule d. also headcanons, so many headcanons in this fic. like the literacy rate, oh boy. tfw you use band camp to help you with military commands haha. also sasha signed her name as susha because if you write your a's too fast they look kinda like u's, and it's not that hard to scribble braus so fast that it looks like blouse._

 _anyway, sorry for the long-ass hiatus, but this fic is back and kicking! ! whooooo-hooooo! ! ! i missed my beans. anyway feel free to follow or fave if you're enjoying this plotless slice of life, and leave your thoughts in the reviews, if that's what you're into! ! ! and as always, have a greaaaat daaaay~_


	27. Revision of Theory

_hey i should probably tell you guys now that i revised chapters 10 and 14 like two weeks ago so now mike's alive and married to nanaba. yup._

* * *

 **Word Count:** 2,894

* * *

Taxes got filed, ears got boxed, and all in all, the cadets' unusual offense and equally unusual punishment was fulfilled.

Historia returned to her orphanage in Wall Sina the following day with some promises from her friends to write without _just_ begging for help this time. Whether or not those promises would be fulfilled, she scoffed at the chances, but only time would tell.

At dawn, Armin was usually sleeping, dreaming of dancing bears, painted wings, and other things he could almost remember.

Remarkably loud trumpet noises blasting into his eardrums at five in the morning were _not_ part of those sweet dreams, but of course that wasn't the first thing that crossed his mind when it happened. The first thing that crossed his mind when remarkably loud trumpet noises blasted into his eardrums was to bolt upright in bed and _scream_.

Which he found himself doing. The same went for two of his other roommates, Eren and Connie, with the former literally falling out of bed after hitting his head on the slats supporting the upper bunk's mattress.

Flocks of birds exited the trees en masse, screeching all the while. Truly, it was a loud and screechy morning.

His throat was hoarse now from screaming, but now that he'd recovered from his initial shock, he now found himself looking wildly around the room in search of the source of the terrible farting noises. (Well, they weren't exactly _terrible farting noises_ anymore; it seemed that Jean had been practicing, if it was Jean who was blasting)

It was Jean who was blasting his trumpet, standing atop the dresser before the window with one leg propped triumphantly up on the windowsill and playing like there was no tomorrow. Which, in his case, would be true if he wouldn't _shut up_.

"JEAN, WHAT THE FUCK?" Eren yelled first, or so it seemed. He was the only one with the lung capacity to be heard over all the ruckus.

"I think I'm gonna be deaf after this," Armin mumbled to himself, snatching up his pillow and covering his ears with them in a rather vain attempt to muffle the noise.

Their dorm room door was suddenly kicked down, and a very tall person ran in and yanked Jean off his self-made pedestal by his jacket collar, causing the trumpet boy's trumpet sounds to wonderfully and abruptly _cease_.

"Kid, what the fuck?" Mike asked, completely deadpan. Armin could see there were dark circles under his eyes; he was probably awoken far too early by Jean's shenanigans.

"That's what _I_ wanna know," Eren grumbled, lying back down on his mattress and covering himself in a blanket so that only his tired, squinting eyes could peek out.

"…Wake-up call?" Jean sheepishly answered.

 _He's got no excuse,_ Armin concluded. _He's so dead. Mike's the strongest purely-human in the military; Jean is so,_ so _dead._

"We don't _have_ wake-up calls, and if we did, they wouldn't be that obnoxious."

"…For the new kids?"

Mike dragged Jean out of the room (again by his jacket collar) and tossed him town the hall. "Get outta here," he scolded. "Go clean the downstairs bathroom for once. Nanaba's been sick lately, and the toilet's not getting cleaned up to par. Smells filthy."

"Yes, sir!" Jean called, and Armin could hear his footsteps fade away as he ran down the stairs to the bottom floor.

Relieved, he flopped back down onto his bed. Connie was already snoring again, and he'd probably keep at it for the next four hours or so; Eren was still staring out of his little cocoon, but he looked more tired now than pissed. Tired, Armin felt sleep tugging at his mind as well…

"Nope, no sleep for you, kiddo," Mike declared, yanking the blanket off Armin's bed, causing the boy to yelp. "Hange told me the other day she wanted you up at at 'em early today, so _shoo_! Go down to her lab or whatever."

"…What?" Armin mumbled. He had no recollection of anything Mike was talking about, but then again, Hange was a very forgetful person. She might have just forgotten to tell him something.

"You heard me," Mike replied, yawned, then plodded out the door, suddenly a lot more tired than he had been when tackling Jean.

Laziness overwhelmed Armin. The room was quiet and more or less dark; he could fall asleep at any given moment, really. His eyelids were drooping, he was lying on a soft, flat surface that was decidedly _not_ hornets… really, it was the ideal place for sleeping in the morning.

But he knew better than that, especially when the memory of Hange threatening him when he didn't want to wake up immediately back in November hit him full force.

He pulled himself into a slouch and rubbed what little sleep remaining out of his eyes. No longer groggy (but still not his bright and cheerful self), he stuffed his feet into the boots by his bed and shuffled out the door, casting one last glance at his roommates before he did so. They were snoring away, no surprise there.

Armin moodily blew a bit of his bangs out of his eyes and, grabbing his uniform jacket off a peg, shuffled out the door.

One flight of steps later, he was on ground floor at the end of the hall. In a nearby bathroom, he could hear Jean softly cursing as he scrubbed the toilet, his muttered words the only sound breaking the chillingly calm morning silence.

Armin felt no sympathy for him as he walked by the bathroom on his way out.

On his way to the cellar, however, he stumbled upon one of the new cadets sitting outside on a bench, polishing his gear. He, like everyone, looked highly irritated this particular morning, more than likely from the trumpet's blasting, but unlike everyone else, he didn't appear tired, so he had probably been awake since before dawn.

"Who are _you?"_ the kid rudely asked, looking at Armin with a particular flavor of disdain that he'd come to know was for his pathetic looks. Not that this kid looked like anyone was fond of him, either: though Armin's eyesight wasn't exactly the best, his stronger build and dirty blond hair made him resemble _that one kid_ he remembered seeing the day the new kids had arrived that had looked at their friend with the " _I can't believe you convinced me to join this branch full of nincompoops_ " look.

"I could be asking you the same question," Armin lazily responded, crossing his arms. He was too tired to be properly sassy at this time of the morning.

"But you didn't," the kid shot back, and Armin could hardly hold himself back from rolling his eyes.

(In the end, he couldn't help it anyway.)

"Special Operations squad member Arlert," he answered.

The kid's face changed suddenly from a scowl to one of glee. "Special Ops squad, you say?"

"Surprised, windbag?"

The kid gathered all his gear into his arms and get up, brushing himself off the best he could with his arms full. "Very, considering your pathetic figure. Now if you'll excuse me–"

"Nope," Armin snapped, reaching out and grabbing the kid by the collar before he could escape. "Name and squad leader?"

He spat at Armin, although he missed anyway. To some degree, Armin wondered if that was on purpose, but he kept his best Angry Hange face on anyway and didn't flinch.

"105th Trainees' Corps's fourth squad member, Chance Diamont. Seventeen years old. Currently assigned to Squad Leader Zacharias." He was scowling again.

Diamont? Armin felt his stony expression start to slip. "Any relation to Hannah Diamont?"

Chance gave up his struggle for a split second out of pure confusion. "What? I don't know who the _fuck_ you're talking about. Lemme go."

Armin obliged and watched the kid scamper back into HQ. He could see why Mike seemed so grumpy; he wouldn't be happy if he had _that_ kid under him, either. Briefly, he wondered if he or his friends were that bratty when they were his age, until he realized that none of them were Chance's age yet. Either way, it was now no small wonder why their captain called them all " _brats"_ now.

Once he _was_ reached the cellar, he yanked open the trapdoor that led into the cellar, where Hange liked to do most of her plotting. It was different from her lab, where she kept all her notebooks and various experiment results, because she had to share it with everyone else, but when empty, it provided a good place to sit and think without all the distractions she was so prone to.

" _Haaange,"_ he called when he opened the door at the bottom of the stairs. From the other side, he heard the tinkling of a glass jar shattering.

"Armin! You're up!" Hange yelled as the small blond walked in. "Is the sun up _already?_ I could've sworn I _just_ got back down here. I'm looking for that chunk of crystallized skin that I got off Annie's titan form last year. I was messing around with it a couple months back, but it just seems to have up and vanished on me…"

Armin blinked. It was too early for this. "No, I haven't seen it," he flatly answered, shuffling over to the corner where the broom was kept.

Looking down, he saw Moblit passed out next to it, likely from sheer exhaustion. With a grunt, he pulled the broom and a dustpan out of Moblit's clutches (gently, though; he didn't want to wake the poor man when it wasn't his shift to work with Hange) and scanned the floor for the shattered glass he had heard from outside.

He thought about Annie's crystal as he carefully swept up all the glass shards. Assuming her hardened skin was made of the same stuff as her crystal, and her crystal itself was sublimating, then it was more than likely it had sublimated into nothing months ago. Such a shame, really; it could have been useful in understanding the walls. But then again, he supposed that's why they were only _nearly_ identical in structure.

"Damn," Hange replied with a sigh, then collapsed in a heap by the table. "I'd hypothesized that sublimation rates were proportional to the size of the crystal, thereby making this smaller chunk sublimate slower than the crystal had been, but I guess not." She lay her head down and yawned. "I'm _very_ tired."

"We can see that, Squad Leader," Moblit mumbled, stirring from the spot where he had passed out. He stretched out his aching muscles, cracked his joints, and took the dustpan and broom from Armin to dump the glass fragments into a wastebasket hidden in a dark corner of the cellar-hangout.

But her tired eyes suddenly snapped open. "What does this mean for Annie's crystal?"

"I don't think this means anything," Armin admitted.

Hange reached out as though to latch onto one of her assistants' shirt sleeves, but she was too tired to put much effort into it. "No, but what if sublimation rate _is_ proportional to crystal size, just in the opposite way? That it evaporates faster the smaller it gets rather than slower?"

"I thought you said it was sublimating at a steady rate of one centimeter a month because it lost seven centimeters in seven months."

She shook her head and lowered her arm. "Consider it a revision in theory. Besides, those are just approximates. We _need_ to go check for ourselves, get better numbers."

" _You_ need sleep." Armin felt a firm hand on his shoulder. "I'll take Armin with me to the dungeons in Sina. We'll just let you stay here and dream of flying titans or whatever." Moblit tugged on his ear to pull him away

"What? N…" Hange was asleep before she could finish protesting.

Armin pried his ear out of Moblit's grasp and rubbed its throbbing flesh. He pouted slightly at him, but before he said anything, Moblit put a finger to his lips and softly shushed him. Squad Leader was sleeping, but that didn't stop them from carefully swiping her tape measure out from one of her uniform pockets.

* * *

Since it was for research, their permissions to leave for a few days arrived swiftly, and Armin soon found himself following Moblit on the way to Annie's cell underground Sina.

They would have to return within those few days' time, for there were plans for an expedition to forge a path out to Maria and take full advantage of Eren's titan abilities for the first time. Since they were both vital to Hange's research team, it was imperative that they returned for that.

They arrived at a Garrison base late that night and crashed on some empty cots. Awoken at dawn by a drill seargent (much to Armin's irritation, for he still hadn't recovered from the sleep deprivation Jean had caused the night prior), they finished the journey to the run-down building that held the secret entrance to Annie's vault.

Moblit looked the place over before turning to Armin. "Is this really the place?" he asked. "I feel like we're going to get dealt drugs in here. Or shanked. Or mugged. Or _something_ terrible."

"I couldn't agree with you more, Moburrito," Armin replied. He squinted up at the sun peeking through the dilapidated building's rotting holes.

"Don't call me that, kid. I at least need respect from you."

"Gotcha, sir."

The two nerds stood in silence before the door.

"Well, let's go," Moblit finally decided, reaching for the door. "Here's to hoping there's no nest of raccoons in here."

They stepped inside. Fortunately, there was again no gaggle of raccoons making home in the building.

Down the hidden hatch, down the infinite stairs, and down into the dungeons they went.

It was just as unnerving as Armin remembered, with its dry bones scattered about in the dim torchlight and likely thousands of rats scuttling about as well. It gave him the shivers.

How fortunate it was that Annie's crystal was nearby, casting a faint, blue glow on the walls surrounding her cell. Armin stared at it, _noticeably_ smaller than when he had seen it nearly four months prior.

Its cloudy facets were clearing up now that it no longer had quite the same thickness it had originally had. He could now barely see stain her cheeks tears that had previously been hidden by the crystal's opacity, though they, too, had crystallized into salt in places.

She hadn't aged a day while inside, he noted. He reached out to touch it, but Moblit slipping one end of the tape measure beneath his boot to keep it anchored broke his daze, and he quickly retracted his hand.

"About two hundred and six centimeters tall, give or take a tenth or two," Moblit said aloud. "According to Squad Leader's notes, it was two hundred and thirteen last time, so that means it's shrunk a great deal in these four months compared to the first seven. Heck, that's another seven centimeters."

"It's getting faster."

"Your idiocy is making me worry about my own intelligence if both you and I are both considered intelligent by Hange."

Armin wasn't listening, for he was once again enchanted by the great, pretty, blue rock before him. If they could just _understand_ it, they would be able to better understand their walls and deduce the history behind them and the titans. Or perhaps if Annie herself was alive when she became free, she would know as well. Whichever part he wanted to focus on, the girl or the crystal, the hunk of stone before him held some of the _answers_ to the secrets of their world.

Moblit flicked him in the head, snapping him out of it again. Armin threw a somewhat annoyed look at the man, but he was now looking at the crystal himself, scratching his head in thought. "Did she mean something to you?"

" _What?_ "

"Annie, everyone seems to say her name is. You were staring at her _twice_ this trip. Did she mean something to you?"

"What."

"I'm starting to seriously doubt you, Armin; Hange told me you were very intelligent. But I guess with those responses, the answer's no…"

Armin looked down at his boots. He hadn't thought seriously about his relationship with Annie since Jean had asked if they were a thing _months_ ago. Time seemed to tell better than he could himself, but at any rate, he didn't really want to listen. "She was a… friend."

Moblit cocked an eyebrow but began walking out anyway; their job of getting numbers was done. "That's some rather suspicious pausing and phrasing but sure; I'll take your word for it."

Armin followed him out the cell, making a careful note to revise the theory of his feelings later.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxiv._** _im honestly never going to get over the fact that chapter 50 was animated yesterday and i can die happy now. also it turns out i did the math wrong back when i first calculated how tall annie's crystal was and it turns out it's only 213 cm tall or 7' but for the sake of the fanfic, whatever. also this is my first time writing mike. i should probably take advantage of those edited chapters. which i edited for this purpose. ish. also chance just kinda appeared, but you can bet every time he appears which shouldn't be super often that i'll make way too many puns out of his name._

 _can you guys believe i didn't even ship aruani when i first started this fic? i think i had more of a preference for jearmin and here i am now setting shit up for when annie returns and making it so that she returns faster. i have so many plans. also hell yeah double meaning-ish title._

 _follows/faves are nice if you think i'm that great. also reviews are really great if that's your thing. either way, have a greaaaat daaaaayyyy~~_


	28. Drizzle

**Word Count:** 2,081

* * *

A week later, and Connie and Sasha found it was they who were to stay behind and care for Lillian this expedition. Waving goodbye to their friends, hoping they would all return alive, well, and in one piece, the two failed to notice the gloomy, grey skies that clearly foreshadowed rain.

They walked back inside, Lillian safe (though rather anxious from everyone leaving) in Connie's arms, and together collapsed onto a couch in what passed as a living room.

"Ahh…" Sasha sighed. "Just the two of us, a castle, and a kid for the next day or two."

"She has a _name_ , you know," Connie reminded her, poking Lillian's pudgy cheeks as he did so.

"You're right," she agreed and adjusted her position so that she faced her. "Lillian," she sang, and the child jerked her head to face Sasha. "Come here, Lillian; come to Auntie Sasha." The way she spoke sounded almost as though she were playing with a cute pet of some sort.

Much to her surprise, Lillian shook her head no.

Sasha sat up, feeling a little bit indignant. "What? C'mere, kiddo, pleaaaase?"

She shook her head again, clutching Connie's shirt.

"Sash, don't be pestering her like that," Connie chided. "You'll just have to own up to the fact that she likes _me_ better."

Sasha huffed. "You and your knack with kids."

"It's better than the time we were helping Historia move in and all _those_ kids were yanking on your ponytail."

She winced at the memory of it. "You're right," she said. "But I still wanna hold her."

"Well, if you wanna take that risk…" Connie sat up properly and pried Lillian off his shirt and handed her to Sasha. "You have to hold her right, though. If you don't hold her properly, then… I'm not sure, but I know that's a thing."

"It's holding a small person; it can't be that much harder than holding you," she replied, taking Lillian from her boyfriend and laying her head on his lap. She held her about arm's length away from her face, bouncing her slightly.

"I'm serious, Sash."

"Does this count?" She had lain Lillian on her face.

" _No_ ," he said, sounding a little irritated now.

Lillian's response to all this was to grab a fistful of Sasha's hair (which was right within her reach since she _was_ lying on a face), causing her to yelp. After this, she pulled herself into a standing position.

"Ow, my faaace," Sasha groaned, Lillian's little feet squishing her cheeks uncomfortably before she walked across her chest. "Ow! My _boobs_ ," she lamented as Lillian settled on her stomach.

It wasn't as though Connie was very sympathetic; he only looked down at her with a wickedly smug grin. "I told you to be _serious_."

"I didn't think you were serious about being serious!" she complained, sitting up yet again, picking Lillian up and letting her sit on her lap. "We're so unserious about being serious it's kind of hard to tell when we're being seriously serious."

"Well trust me. Right now, we're being _serious_. Kids _are_ a ton of work, after all."

Sasha suddenly remembered that her boyfriend had once had younger siblings. _That would explain his attitude when it comes to properly caring for Lillian._ She glanced out a window at the gathering clouds above. _I wonder…_

"What were they like?" she asked aloud, not realizing how _vague_ she sounded. She could feel Lillian trying to pull her thumb into her mouth, but she kept pulling her finger away from the kid's mouth. She had no desire to have a slobbered hand, and Lillian had had teeth for quite some time now, and though they were small, they were nothing to laugh at.

"Who?"

"Your siblings. You said a while back that you used to have them."

"Oh." His normally boisterous tone of voice had completely left him.

Sasha felt a pang of guilt for asking now. "You don't have to," she said.

He shook his head. "No, it's okay," he said.

"I had two, Sunny and Martin. Sunny was six when I left for the military; Martin was eight, almost nine. Most of the time, they were a pain in the ass, but they were mostly tolerable about half the time." He laughed. "Sunny fucking _loved_ frogs, and I don't know why. She brought one home from the nearby creek, named it Herklander, and left it in my _bed_ to sleep once."

Sasha made a face. "That must've been quite the nasty shock that night."

Connie laughed even harder. "Fuck yeah, it was. I was so mad at her, I think I made her cry. But Martin thought the whole thing was so _hilarious_." He snorted. "He wasn't the one with the cold, slimy thing creeping up on him at bedtime.

"But he was a sweet kid. He'd pick a flower for the girl he liked every day for a while. Every day, like clockwork, he'd go to the outskirts of town, chose one he liked, and gave it to her." His eyes had a faraway look to them. "He came back home crying about three weeks later with an armful of dead flowers and said she decided he was too short for her."

"A family of smalls, huh? Tragic."

"No, just late bloomers. My parents were fairly tall people, and remember, we're the same height now."

At this Lillian must have grown bored and restless, for she unclasped Sasha's hands that were keeping her on her lap, slid off the couch and onto the floor, and began to toddle away, using the wall and furniture for support.

"–Hey!" Sasha cried. "Get back here!"

"No, don't." Connie grabbed her arm before she could run off after Lillian. "I wanna see where she goes with this. Let's just follow her. Plus, she needs exercise. Gotta develop those muscles if she's going to fight the titans someday."

Rather reluctantly, Sasha calmed down. "All right, I guess."

Together, the two teenagers slid off the couch and knee-walked after the astonishingly fast child already walking out of the room.

She led them about halfway down the hall in the direction of the east wing before running out of energy and plopping down. Her caretakers sat on their knees behind her.

"Well, that was disappointing," Sasha said, but she noticed Lillian's face scrunching up, warning them both that she was about to cry. "Oh no, you don't," she said, picking Lillian up and holding her close to her chest, bouncing her slightly because that's what you did with babies who were about to cry, right?

Whether or not it was the correct thing to do mattered not, for she began to cry anyway, wailing softly. But soft or not, it was still irritating.

Sasha swore and glanced desperately at Connie, who merely looked panicked.

"Con- _nie_ ," she hissed, "how do you make her stop?"

"I don't _know_ ," he whispered in reply, "Maybe she hurt her butt when she sat down. Who fucking knows?" But he stood up and helped Sasha up as well. " _Shhh, shhh…_ "

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Sasha asked Lillian, using the exact same tone as she had when asking her to come. "Did you hurt yourself?" She switched from bouncing her in her arms to simply rocking back and forth in much slower, much more fluid motions. "Auntie Sasha will kiss and make it better," she said and planted a soft kiss on Lillian's head.

Fortunately, that and the rocking stopped the wailing, leaving them all in a relative silence comprised of the soft pitter-patter of rain on the shutters and the sniffles of a post-crying session. Both Connie and Sasha heaved a sigh of relief.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Hell if I know," Connie replied. "I haven't trusted the clocks since Armin and Jean switched around all the times when _they_ were taking care of Lillian. Plus, the clouds make it so that we can't use the sun."

"Let's just put her to bed, then. All they do is eat, sleep, poop, and cry anyway. Plus, babies don't have any sense of time; she'd never even know it wasn't really her naptime."

" _Shit."_

Both teenagers simultaneously turned their heads to look at Lillian, not quite believing what they had just heard her say.

"Is that her way of telling us she doesn't want to go to bed?"

"I don't know, but even if it isn't, Captain Levi's potty mouth sure is coming to fruition in Lillian."

Sasha sighed. "Let's just take her outside, then. It's always nice out when it's raining."

"Wait." Connie grabbed her arm before she could start walking out. "We might get sick."

She waved off his concerns. "Oh, _pfff_. That's just an old wives' tale. We'll be _fine_ ; trust me, the rain was my favorite place to be when I was a kid, and _I_ never got sick like that."

"You also eat things that really _should_ make you sick but for some reason don't, so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that you're just an exception and that the germs must hate you."

Sasha gave him puppy-dog eyes. " _Pleaaaase_ can we go out and play in the rain?"

Connie smacked himself in the forehead. "We're going to get sick, _I just know it_ , but if you want to spend the rest of your week sneezing, that's fine by me."

"Yahoo!"

* * *

The rain picked up soon after they exited the castle, serving as a sort-of shower by the end of their time outside. Lillian was (mostly) dry, fed, and sleeping in her crib because Connie had insisted they keep her out of the rain once it got out of its drizzle phase. That left her two caretakers free to cut loose and muck about in the puddles pooling all around.

But all good things must come to an end, and the sun had already set by the time the clouds had begun to clear. Both Connie and Sasha's sides ached from all the laughter of the day, and they shook themselves out like dogs before heading back inside, leaving their now filthy shoes at the door to keep the mud from tracking in.

Sasha crashed in her bunk right after wringing out her ponytail and changing into a set of dry clothes. She stared out the window at the half-clouded moon for a good long minute and realized she was unable to sleep. It was far too quiet without Mikasa's tossing and turning in the bunk above her own.

So she slipped out of her room, tiptoeing despite the fact there was literally no one who would get her in trouble if she got caught, feeling her way blindly through the pitch-black hall to get to the boys' room.

" _Coooonnieee_ ," she loudly whispered as she crept in. There was no response, so she tiptoed up the ladder to his bunk. " _Cooooonniiieeee_ ," she repeated, reaching over to poke him in the cheek as he slept.

"Leemelone," he mumbled, turning over to avoid her.

"But I can't sleeeep! It's too quiet." She pouted even though he couldn't see her.

Connie heaved a dramatic sigh, half turning so that he could crack open one sleepy eye at Sasha. Immensely tired, he closed it again and said, "Just sleep here then."

"Okay then," she whispered and began crawling into his bunk.

"Not _here-_ here, doofus!" he hissed when she tried to push him over a bit to make room for herself. "In Jean's bunk down below!"

"Oh, okay." She quickly slid down the ladder, acquiring a sliver or two in the process, and crawled under the sheets of the bunk below Connie. She picked the wood bits out of her hands as she lay there in the dark, eyes growing heavier by the second, her lullaby the occasional creak of Connie's mattress as he tossed or turned.

Her last conscious thoughts were dedicated to Lillian and the half-baked thought that at least she slept through the night now.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxv._** _i can't believe i finished this like a week ago ready to build up padding for this fic again and i'm just kinda dredging through the next one because i have no idea what to do. it's just a part ii to this kind of like what happened with jean and armin like fifteen chapters ago because them expeditions ain't gonna happen in a day. throw something at me?_

 _anyway here has been your fill of springles. prepare for more next week. follow/fave/whatever if you feel like it. reviews are 11/10 if you leave them but if it's not your thing that's cool too. have a greaaaaat daaaaay~_


	29. Sneeze

**Word Count:** 2,346

* * *

Sasha was awoken the next morning by her own obnoxiously loud sneeze.

"Gazuntite," Connie mumbled from the bunk above.

Dust floated about in the air, turning the warm rays of sun into shafts of light spilling into the room. It was, at the very latest, half past seven. Far too early for Sasha's taste, but it was too late to fall asleep again now, for the room was far too bright.

For a full minute, she lay in bed, wondering why it was Connie telling her to be quiet this morning rather than Mikasa, why the room looked so different than usual, and why the sheets felt so different. But not one instant past that, everything from the day prior hit her like a pile of bricks, and she sneezed yet again.

Sniffling, she leapt out of bed and ran out the door, strangely embarrassed to be in ratty old pajamas all of a sudden. She stumbled into her dorm, locking the door behind her before pausing to catch her breath. Pulling a shirt out of one of the dresser drawers, she realized the back of her throat felt grossly dry, and nothing she tried would soothe it.

She frowned as she buttoned up her shirt; clearing her throat seemed to help, but not enough. Quickly, she finished changing before darting out to the nearest bathroom to get a glass of water, though that didn't help at all.

She wanted to yell in exasperation, but a familiar (yet strangely different) voice stopped her:

"Are you okay?"

She tried to answer, but her abdomen suddenly contracted, and she threw herself over the sink edge and hacked wetly. A few spasms and a gob of phlegm later, she righted herself, absolutely disgusted with the gob of slime she'd just coughed up. "Yeah, I'm fine," she finally answered, even though she _clearly_ wasn't. "What about you? You sound different." She completely ignored the fact that she herself sounded like her voice went through a blender and came back half an octave deeper.

"Just a little sick from playing in the rain yesterday, but it's nowhere _near_ the doozy of a cold you've got," Connie said, raising an eyebrow at her rather sickly figure. His voice was also lower and rather raspy, indicative of his new disease.

Sasha suddenly stood up straighter and crossed her arms, hoping that she wouldn't have fit to prove her wrong. "I am _not_ sick. Just a little hoarse."

"Jean's the horse in this castle."

She rolled her eyes, holding back the temptation to cough again. " _Please_ ," she said. "He's not even _in_ the castle today. How's Lillian?"

Connie's eyes widened with the abrupt change in subject. "Fuck," he said. "I forgot." He ran off to go check on her.

"Oh, for _crying out–_!" she began to yell but was overtaken by another violent spat of coughing. She forced it to end by clearing her throat and hacking up another bit of phlegm, and, washing it down the sink, sprinted off after her boyfriend.

She could hear the crying long before she could see who was doing it. _Fuck_ , they had completely forgotten about her. But it was okay now…! They had arrived!

That was her thought process as she entered their captain's room/office/thing where Lillian had been laid to rest for the night. Connie had her, fortunately, since she _really_ had to admit, she was terrible with children. Or at least this one.

The two babysitters exchanged rather exhausted looks. Considering the mission type their comrades had embarked on, it would be at least this entire day before they would be back. It was not looking pretty, unlike the fun in the rain the day before had been.

"Day two?" Connie croaked out.

"Day two," Sasha returned. "Bring it on." She coughed sharply into her elbow, careful to try and keep her germs from floating away so as to keep Lillian from getting sick in her fragile state as a still near-infant. "What're we in for today, Baldie?"

He gave her a somewhat grim look as he picked up Lillian, still crying (but softer now, as though she had grown tired of it), and said, "Calming down children and probably crying from both parties."

She felt a stone form in her gut, but she forced a smile as she thought about it with dread. Oh, how they would suffer today. But it would be all right. "Great."

* * *

It was a good hour later when the duo found themselves sitting in the kitchen questioning their life decisions not for the first time that day. Lillian had been fed, albeit with some difficulty, and seemed to be just _dying_ for some form of entertainment. Her babysitters, on the other hand, were ready to _actually die_.

Okay, so maybe that meant nothing considering the branch they had chosen to join, but _dammit, they wished it still carried some weight to it because caring for a baby for a second consecutive day was a lot harder than the first._ The reasons for that being that they had used up most of their responsible energy the day prior, and that they had both caught colds and were desperately trying to keep Lillian from catching it herself.

"Ugh," Sasha grunted, her head resting on the table, staring at the squirmy baby before them.

"You said it," Connie agreed, lazily reaching over to clean off the squirmy baby before them. She winced and made a displeased sound but ultimately could do nothing about it. "What do you say we just let her run loose for a little while? Can't be that bad for her."

"Uhh–" Sasha sneezed violently, causing everyone to jump. Sniffling, she said, "I see nothing wrong with that. Babies need exercise, right? Right."

So they let her out of her high chair, and she waddled out of the kitchen, into the hallway, all the way over to the stairs. Her babysitters exchanged slightly worried glances, as they remembered the last time she had been allowed to climb the stairs (ending in nothing short of a _disaster_ , as they quite clearly recalled), but she paid them no mind, very carefully climbing up one stair at a time, not even bothering to wait.

With no choice but to keep her safe, they followed her. Also very slowly. And on all fours. (Hey, no one ever said the best way to keep a kid safe was to mimic them; they just happened to assume the strangest things.)

She reached the second floor, and thankfully she did not proceed the next four flights of stairs up to the tower room, as she had last time. She instead turned down the hall and padded over to a pretty random-looking room and touched the old, wooden door with a blank look of expectation.

"No, sweetie, the door is very dangerous to touch," Sasha gently reprimanded, leading Lillian away from the door, but she began to cry. She shot an anxious glance at Connie who also looked rather panicked. Neither one of them could let her get splinter-covered hands, but there was at least a solution: they opened the door to let Lily in.

She must have grown tired of standing and getting about on two feet, for she plopped down onto her bum and began crawling instead. She sneezed the second she entered, and when her caretakers followed, they could see why: every available surface seemed to be covered in dust, as though a pile of dust bunnies or soot sprites had made their home in there.

The dust was so thick in the air, a thousand sneezes began to tug at Sasha's already stuffy sinuses. But they ended up as a terribly hacking cough, and she stepped out of the room for a sec for Connie to deal with whatever was thrown his way.

The thing thrown their way, as it turned out when she reentered, was a book.

Small and thin, what remained of its fragile, thin cardboard cover was a faded shade of red and had chips flaking off of it. There was the faint pattern of a golden sickle and hammer on the front, but aside from that and a hastily scribbled name on the front page that was showing, it was mostly blank.

"...I heard that kids can point out their favorite books to be read to them by age one," Connie whispered to Sasha, the both of them staring at the book Lillian had given him to apparently read. "But I had no idea the captain or whoever was reading her, uh... _Communism for Dummies_."

Lily whined and grabbed a fist full of Connie's canvas pants, tugging on them. Her message was clear: _sit down and read to me_.

"Seems kind of ridiculous, but okay…"

They all sat down in the dimly lit, dusty room. Connie opened the book to a random page in the middle, and Sasha pulled Lillian onto her lap and peered over to see the pages. For a full minute, no one said anything; whether it was because neither teenager could read well or was just feeling generally awkward was indeterminable in that minute because was more likely than not to be both.

"Do you know what it says?" Sasha whispered in his ear. "Because most of these words look pretty weird."

He gently turned the page; the binding was made of a crumbling glue and was therefore probably one of the most fragile things either of them would ever hold. "It looks more like that old language we saw on the cans in Castle Utgard," he murmured. Some of the more modern language was scribbled in the corners, but it wasn't particularly legible, and some of the slang used seemed practically _archaic_.

Besides, all it did was comment on the weaknesses in the church and the political system, both as individual entities and in that they were so heavily intertwined. Which would have been useful information to have, _if_ they were still staging governmental takeover. (The time for that had long passed.)

"Who the hell can _read_ this stuff?" Connie said, flipping through the pages just as carefully but with mild disgust in his voice. "Why would Lillian pick _this_ book? God, what does _she_ know?"

Sasha had become strangely quiet, so Connie closed the book and looked at her. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Ymir."

"Yeah, what about her?"

"She could read the labels on the stuff we found in Castle Utgard, remember? She–" she quickly cut herself off and slowly turned her gaze down at Lillian, who seemed to be none the wiser that they were not reading the book she had chosen. "What _does_ she know?"

"Who, Ymir or Lillian?"

" _Lillian_!"

Connie's eyes grew wider with his realization. "What _could_ she know?" He stopped himself before he questioned it any further. "But maybe we're overthinking this."

"Let's pretend we're not."

"Fair enough." He tossed the book to the side and got up, taking Sasha's hand to lead her out. The second they left the room, they started to run, terrified of things they weren't quite sure of.

Sasha struggled to keep a proper hold on Lillian; she was growing heavy in her arms. And crying, too, but there was nothing either of them could think of to sate her, so they just did their best to ignore her. They practically crashed into their captain's room and skidded to a stop just before they crashed into his desk, but the second they caught their breaths again, questions, feed for conspiracies more like it, began to tumble from their mouths.

"Where did Lillian come from?"

"Was it outside the walls? I don't know; I think I assumed she was the product of some one-night stand in a brothel or something before she just became a normal part of our life."

"Oh–oh god, what if she _did_ come from outside the walls?" Sasha leaned in closer so that she could hiss in her boyfriend's ear. "That's where Bertl and Reiner and Annie came from; wouldn't that automatically make her an enemy of humanity by association?"

"Sasha. Sasha. _Calm down_. I think we're going a little crazy right now. It's more likely that she's _not_ from outside the walls. She probably just picked that book because she likes the color red. I don't know. Let's–let's just drop it for now. I'd prefer not to think about it."

Sasha steadied her breathing. The air was filled with the sound of Lillian crying and nothing more. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Both she and Connie sneezed at the same time, causing a few of the papers spread throughout Captain Levi's desk to flutter a few centimeters away. A bit of faint color appeared among the bland blacks and whites of the paperwork, and instantly, both sets of eyes latched onto it.

"What is that?" Sasha asked, finally having the decency to bounce Lillian in her arms to (at least try to) quiet her as Connie gingerly picked it up.

He glanced at it, then turned it over to show her. "It's a sketch the old Levi Squad, looks like. Makes sense."

"Wait a second," she said. "That woman with the ginger hair. Petra, I think; she has the same eyes as Lillian."

"Whaaaat?" he flipped the drawing over again to take a closer look himself. "...Huh. You don't suppose…?"

"I think probably."

Connie grinned, letting out a whoop of laughter at both them being as idiodic as to think Lillian could have been from outside the walls and that they now had some dirt on their own captain. It startled the just barely pacified Lillian into crying again, so they hastily hid the drawing again and put their focus on her again.

"...Maybe we should change her diaper."

"...Yeah, we should."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note xxvi._** _so i spent the previous week helping out in my church's nursery where i dealt with kids up to three years old, and i realized something. babies will cry the shit out of themselves until they turn one, then it just stops. just like magic. holy shit. where do all the tears go. also babies are way heavier than i anticipated. what the fuck. my supervisor told me i have a real knack for children and knowing what they want/need and i was too embarrassed to tell her i've done copious amounts of research on babies up until age one because i'm writing fanfiction._

 _anyway i just wanna thank the last anon who reviewed b/c they were the only one for the week and i was just like. "who am i should i keep publishing my shit" but yeah that helped. anyway thank you everyone for following/faving/reviewing or whatever. leaving reviews are nice. if you want to. have a great day!_


	30. Missed

**_Author's Note xxvii._** _wow a/n right at the start? must be something big. it is. i apologize for the absence. here's your tentative warning for a probable hiatus: **probable hiatus**. i miss this story. i really do. but i'm busy. it's been a week of junior year and i'm already tired. like dammit this isn't supposed to happen until march. _

_for sale: one soul. gently used. one price: feedback._

* * *

 **Word Count:** 1,364

* * *

The expedition went all right, in Nanaba's opinion. Just a little over a third of the new kids died, leaving twenty survivors out of the original thirty-six. In her rather jaded opinion, they probably deserved it; the one who had been assigned to her squad in particular had died in the dumbest way possible, going off on his own to try and kill a titan coming their way when it _really_ would have been just fine to just avoid it, so that just ended up reflecting on the rest of the dead ones in his year.

Of course, they had nothing on the two Levi Squad members left behind, Braus and Springer; they got quite the verbal beating from their captain when it was found they had caught ill by dancing in the rain and then spread that cold over to Lillian. Not just because she was the captain's daughter, but also because it would hinder their physical abilities for the course of the virus, likely spreading to the rest of the branch as well.

Which it did. Two weeks later, and Nanaba was _still_ feeling the effects of the notorious common cold. It had taken everyone like the storm it had originated in, with the exception of Hange, oddly enough. _She_ was as alive and kicking as ever, which was strangely irritating to Nanaba because she seemed to have caught a more powerful strain, vomiting every morning.

Fortunately, the nausea that caused the vomiting had faded as of late, and the cold had run its course through (almost) everyone (how _did_ Hange do it?). Sure, there were little sniffles and sneezies coming from some of the laggers, but it was more or less over now.

She tumbled out of bed, her husband long since awoken, mind still in a daze. Her muscles were sore and fatigued, perhaps from her training yesterday (Unlikely, she thought; she'd been doing the same intensive training exercises for years now.), perhaps from the last of the virus making its way through her body.

She supposed, as she received her morning rations from a sour-looking cadet in the kitchens, that she should see Hange, just in case something was up. And when a particularly nasty abdominal cramp hit her, her supposition became resolve.

* * *

" _Hange, oh my god, there's so much blood!"_

"Sasha, calm down. It's just your period."

"I know, I know; you taught us about it last year, _but oh my god, I did_ **not** _expect this much blood! !"_

Nanaba opened up the door leading to Hange's lab and peeked inside. There, among all the little glass tubes, notebooks, and terribly dim lighting, a teenage girl with dingy red hair panicked visibly (and audibly) to an adult woman with equally dingy red(-ish) hair whose arms were crossed with boredom and a grain of salt.

"Am I interrupting something?" Nanaba asked. "Because I can come back later." A cramp stabbed her in the gut, and while she flinched, she kept a straight face.

"No, no! Not at all!" Hange yelled, stumbling over some fallen crap scattered about. "Just period talk; it's nothing we can't fix in a second or two and hygienics." She yanked the door open all the way and pulled Nanaba in. By a table, Sasha glumly held a bloody rag in her hand, her panic having passed and now been replaced by embarrassment.

"Sasha was just panicking over her first menstrual period; it's no big deal." Hange let go of her and made a beeline for one of her boxes full of junk and started rooting around in it. "By the way, what are you here for?"

Nanaba winced. "I've been having some pretty nasty period cramps since this morning, and I was wondering if you had anything for that."

Hange kicks the teenage girl out with directions to one of the storage rooms (and a new pair of pants) and sits on the table, gesturing to one of the few empty chairs as an invitation for Nanaba to do the same there. "I do believe I have painkillers somewhere, but I'm going to have to ask you a few questions before I give them to you. Procedure and all that."

"Shoot."

"When was your last period?"

"I lost track," she admitted.

"That's all right. Are cramps normal when you do get your period?"

"Not particularly bad ones, no."

The questions got a little more invasive after that.

In the end, Hange slipped off the table and inspected one of her shelves of various glass bottles full of pills or liquids or whatever, humming. She didn't say much, didn't look the other woman in the eye much. She merely searched for the proper medication.

"Is there something wrong?" Nanaba tentatively asked, but the scientist shook her head.

"No, nothing to concern yourself with. It's just a fluke." She's lying.

"I'm not dying, am I?"

"No, not you," Hange absently replied, picking out an old, white bottle with a red cap, its label illegible old script. She's telling the truth now, which only perplexes Nanaba. "Here. Some old painkillers. They _miiight_ be a _liiiiittle_ expired, but I doubt it'll cause anything terribly horrendous."

"Uhuh. Sure." Nanaba gives her a deadpan look as she takes the medication, nodding all the while.

" _Please_ , Nan~~ You'll live. You've survived long enough to get married, you'll survive some three-year-old Tylenol. Hell, I'd even say you'll survive long enough to have a Darwinian success rate of more than zero. You're not going to die from something as tiny and trivially stupid as a pill."

Another sarcastic look. "Of course." She popped two of the pills into her mouth and swallowed them dry. "I'll be sure to have you banned from my funeral on account of you being the cause of death. If not from malpractice, then surely from accidental titan feeding because _quote_ 'I'll be _fiiine_.' "

"Nan, you _wound_ me. I would do no such thing."

"Mmhm."

"In a _completely_ disguised effort to steer the direction of this conversation away from sarcasm and coincidentally make it no longer pass the Bechdel test, how's the married life been? Planning any kids?"

It's fortunate that Nanaba swallowed her pills dry already because she might have choked on them had she taken any water. "Of course _not_! Kids, in _this_ branch? I can't possibly be as immature and irresponsible as the _subordinates_ to have those when I'm in all likelihood going to die young."

"Not going to make the most of your life before you die young?"

"Not going to ruin some other life by dying young on them."

"I thought you said seeing Lillian inspired you to get married because life is short."

"Marriage and having kids are two very different cans of worms."

"I suppose."

There was a brief (but not awkward) pause.

"By the way," Hange said, "You mentioned something about subordinates…?"

"I've been avoiding them like the plague since not all captains have explicitly given them anti-frat laws. It's pretty gross out there." If Nanaba had water, this was where she'd wearily take a sip like the battle-worn veteran she was. "Unfortunately, I _still_ caught the plague when it came here. How _did_ you remain healthy? You _never_ shower; you're _filthy_. Germs must make entire _civilizations_ on your scalp alone."

Hange dryly smiled. "Frequent exposure to harmless germs just means I'm far less affected by harmful pathogens when they come around." She glanced at the clock. "The meds should have kicked in by now, so you should get to training."

Nanaba stood up and stretched. Her friend was right; her belly no longer cramped. "Yeah, I should."

"I'll meet you out there in a minute; I just have some things to scribble down first before they fly away from me."

"You know, I rather missed our little talks, Hanjo."

"I have too, Nan. We'll have to have more of them soon. But not now."

"Mhmm. Bye."


	31. Town

_**Author's Note xxviii:** dearest readers, this will likely be the final update to lovechild. period. i know i had so much left to do, and there's so much more to write, and i do truly love this universe, but i can't just leave it marked incomplete, empty promises of updating again soon hanging in the air. most of this is due to a lack of feedback but also because i'm finding myself moving on to the soul eater fandom. i'm so sorry. i feel terrible, especially because i've just started to make a name for myself here, but i don't know when i'll be writing more snk. i have a few unpublished wips that never really made it past 2k or so that i do want to finish someday, but i don't know when someday is. right now, all i have planned for publishing is soul eater fic._

 _again, i'm so sorry. i hope that this snippet of what was to come next will be a good enough goodbye._

* * *

 **Word Count:** 1,270

* * *

It was a little over a month later that Levi Squad found themselves all called into their captain's office for " _unspecified reasons_ ". So, a little nervous but still quite excited, they filed into their captain's office for permission to visit the tiny town for the day off.

" _Heichouuu_ ~" Sasha sang, the first to enter and completely forgetful of the rules of respect. She stopped short when she took a second glance, and the rest of the quad piled into the office.

Squad Leader Hange stared back at them, Lillian sliding off her lap to greet a few of her alternative caretakers via leg (well, more like boot) hugs, and for a full minute there's nothing to break the awkward silence except for Lily's pleased babbles.

Hange suddenly shot up and tried to make it look like she was being productive (or something) by snatching up a pen and leaning against the wall. The pen had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she ended up leaning against the wall; she just… _had_ it. Whatever. It was none of the cadets' concern. " _SO_ what do you kids need?" she asked.

"We were called into Captain Levi's office for 'unspecified reasons', so we came, but it seems that he's not here right now…" Sasha said, slowly backing away.

"Oh, he's busy," Hange breezily told them, uncapping the pen and squinting at the nib.

"Doing what?"

"Stuff." Pen recapped and twirled between two fingers. Very nearly dropped on the floor but very well recovered.

"Hange, you're scaring me," Armin piped up. "You're never this vague. You're only ever obscenely specific and detailed or extremely concise."

"Shhhhh." Pen slipped into pocket as wielder sauntered over to the teenagers and softly patted Armin in what should have been a soothing manner but in actuality just made them all that much more skittish. " _Shhhh._ Not important right now. I'll give you the briefing."

"What the _fuck_ ," Eren whispered, but it's not like anyone but Mikasa could really hear him.

"But this isn't a mission…?"

"Actually, it sort of is," Hange brightly said, returning to normal and picking up Lillian. "Levi's out doing inspections because Erwin wants to make sure the new cadets can clean up to sanitation standards, and when he comes back, he's going to be _piiiissed_ as _hell_ because you _know_ those kids can't clean like you all can. So he's going to come back, make all of _you guys_ clean up after them and then _everyone_ will be _pissed_ as _hell_ from all the chores, so! The goal for you today is to go out to town, have a great day, and don't come back until it's too dark to clean so that we don't have to deal with so many snappish people tomorrow. And to force the new kids to actually learn how to clean instead of just relying on you all to do it for them after they half-ass it. Half-assing is bad. Yeah."

"Oookay?" Jean said after a bit of a pause. They really _weren't_ following terribly well, but a day off is a day off, and it's not like they get the opportunity to be unsupervised for a while.

" _But_ I'm going to need you to split from your regular trios, so instead of having Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, it's going to have to be Eren, Mikasa, and Jean while Armin goes with Connie and Sasha. Anti-frat laws and shit, I dunno."

"If they're for the anti-frat laws, then why aren't you splitting up the canon couples?" Armin asked, squinting at Hange.

"Because technically, none of you are canon," she replied.

"What?"

"Because you're going out to have fun, but if you remained in your usual trios, I fear that your… escorts, let's say, would be too nice on you and turn a blind eye if you wanted to have _too_ much fun."

Mikasa made a face. "Hange, that's gross."

At the same time, Sasha said, "You can say sex, Hange; we're mature enough for that."

The squad leader wearily eyed Connie, who looked like he was trying to hold in his laughter. "Mature indeed," she dryly noted, then airily waved them all off. "What you do now is none of my beeswax. Do as you wish, you diseased children, and begone with you."

"…Diseased children?" Jean asked as they filed out the door, but before anyone could reply, Hange grabbed Eren, the last in line, by the collar.

"Wait!" she said as he half choked from the jerk. She shoved Lillian into his arms. "It's dangerous to go alone. Take this."

" _What,_ " Mikasa said, her mind drawing a blank when she saw the small child in her (rather dazed looking) boyfriend's arms.

"I've got too much to do to keep track of one small child as well as all this paperwork. It's one or the other, kiddos, and I've chosen paperwork. You're Levi's subordinates, and the new kids are too new to take care of her. You'll just have to bring her along for the ride," Hange told them.

"Dang it, how dare the plot call for this wench in our plans," Connie muttered. Sasha looked at him funny, being the only person who heard him, but he just shrugged and pointed at Hange, blaming her influence.

"Now shoo for real."

* * *

" _I_ don't want to carry her!" Sasha argued as they saddled up. "She gave her to you guys. _You_ guys have been entrusted with the ultra-important living package. _You_ guys carry her."

"I'm gonna _drop_ her!" Eren said, still holding Lillian.

"Give her to Mikasa or something!" Jean snapped. "Considering how much she's babied you over the years, you'd think she'd have experience with this kind of thing."

Armin began to applaud Jean, thoroughly impressed with how much he'd grown since the day Historia and Mikasa had roasted him to ash. "I didn't know you had it in you, assface."

" _Assface?"_

"Remember when I said you had a personality of that of an ass?"

"HAH, it really fits you, Kirschstein."

"Fuck off, Jaeger. The only thing smaller than the wonder as to why you couldn't think of that kind of thing yourself is your fucking brain."

"Thanks for admitting that I'm right and that _you're_ an _asshole,"_ Eren smugly replied as he mounted his horse. He was still the one holding Lillian, and she clutched the tips of his hair tightly because quite frankly she didn't like the way he was holding her and even at her young age she knew she would get dropped.

"I hope Lillian grows up thinking that her name is fuck at this rate," Connie pleasantly said as they set out.

"Oh, like _you're_ such a saint when it comes to language," Jean snipped.

"Could y'all just shut the fuckin' McFuckity fuck-fuck up?" Sasha said. "I mean, we all fuckin' know that we're fucking soldiers here; we drop the fuckin' f-word every other fuckin' word sometimes, so I think we can all fuckin' agree that sometimes, we _all_ think our name is fuck."

Everyone stared at Sasha in silence.

"Fuck," Eren said, breaking the silence when his horse stumbled and he nearly dropped Lillian.

"See what I mean?"

"…I think we should start working on our language," Armin commented.

" _I'll_ say."


	32. the abandoned plans

_**Things to keep in mind:** sooo i know nobody cares about this fic like, at all, but while i lowkey miss it, i'm chill with leaving it as complete. as such, i was thinking about it today and decided to do something that's been on my mind for a while: give you all a list of the pitches i had planned for this fic. it's far from exhaustive (i omitted one or two), but it requires context._

 _funny story though, i did finally figure out what the letter was going to say but only after i really ended this. lmao. so that's at the end. i didn't know i was going to drop lovechild entirely when i wrote it so yeah._

 **things that need context:** _this was planned on being a series. this, lovechild, was meant to be the first out of four, followed by one titled_ Water Lily _, after the nickname i had in mind for lillian when she got older bc she cried all the time, which was supposed to be from when she turned seven-ish to just before she left for boot camp. then_ A Journey of a Thousand Steps, _(god that is such a shitty title)_ _, which would have covered her boot camp years, and finally,_ Finding Fire _, which would have covered post-boot camp to when i planned on killing her off when she was twenty-two._

 _at boot camp, she would have made another best friend named marilla, who would have been ace/aro, and this guy named eric rudel, who was planned on being her love interest. she was supposed to be a total tsundere by the way lol. that was one of the first personality traits i had on her._

 _aruani would have been the first to get married, though it was meant to be purely out of convenience. they would have had two girls named zoe and zinnia, both of whom would have taken after armin a bit more. this all was coming up pretty fast in lovechild, since i planned on having theme get married like, that october or something._

 _eremika would have gotten married next, though much later than aruani, around when lillian would be like three or four. she'd cry at their wedding, officially cementing the nickname Water Lily for her. she was actually supposed to be a big crier as a child. eremika would have had three kids, a boy and two girls, named hunter, carla, and mei. hunter because it's just the english translation of jaeger and i think that's hilarious. carla because i'm lowkey obligated to even though i really. don't like that name. and mei because i wanted mikasa to acknowledge her roots. hunter would have had black hair and green eyes, and he would have been the epitome of "tranquil as a forest but a fire within", meaning he had mikasa's calm, but it was mostly just a very good veil to tempestuous internal emotions. he and carla would have been straight awful at getting along, as siblings are. carla was supposed to have brown hair and green eyes, and she would have gone into the military as a nurse. mei was never very developed, but that's okay because as the runt child she would have been six when the fic was supposed to end. eremika was also supposed to have a miscarriage between carla and mei, and it would have been named i think it was dawn, and mikasa would have a while of postpartum depression because of it._

 _springles would have married last, when lillian was like five or six, maybe seven. they pretty much just decided "hey why not" and did so. they were supposed to have four kids, three boys and a girl, though i only named the firstborn, a girl named diana. bc you know, the roman form of artemis was diana._

 _i think in the end, jean was going to be that forever alone uncle. he'd still be p cool tho. what happens to ymir gets clarified later among these pitches that i'll never get around to. but yeah, this should be all the context and dumb shit that you need._

* * *

Eren and Mikasa bond as they struggle to babysit lillian. mikasa turns out to be maternally challenged, and eren isn't any better with his emotional range of an angry teaspoon.

At around age 6 or 7, those two kids that were shown admiring the levi squad when they return from expedition 57 finally get to join the corps WITH A FRIIEEEND! WHO WOULD PROBABLY BE THE LITTLE GIRL MIKASA SAVED!

Levi learns to not let lillian meet any new soldiers before they go on their first expedition in case they die.

 _Cemetery_. Levi brings Lillian to Petra's memorial gravestone for the first time, when she's six or seven. Maybe even eight or nine. Inspired by chasing the sun.

Lillian finds out she was scientifically created in the Homeland then dropped off by annie in the dead of night for like a quest or something. More likely reiner or bertholt though. Cool idea, explains much better where she comes from.

 _Playdate_. Lillian's first time out of base. Her spending the weekend with erd's kid because of course they'd be friends.

Technically a _Water Lily_ chapter, but whatever. Lil's 9, about a year after first seeing titans at the Trost Guillotine. She's learned to fight from the 104th cadets and is like, "dad i'mma go camping with [insert name of erd's kid here]." And levi's like "no you're 9" and then hange's like "eren and mikasa killed three men when they were nine. She can join the military in three years. She can fight off a fully armed eren jaeger. Let her go."and lil goes camping for a weekend with just erd's kid for company.

Lillian, age 4, tries to fuck with the 3DMG. She's 4, so nothing big happens, but she gets in trouble.

Lil catches Eren humming the aot theme song and asks him what it is. He says it's the corps anthem, and that jean sings it best. Jean actually sings like zetao, but the cadets join him anyways, having a grand old time. Then jean drags out his trumpet and heads into the kitchen, dragging eren, sasha, and connie with him, saying they're going to give lillian a performance. He then starts blasting that one song w/the trombone and oven door, and Eren slams the oven door, and connie and sasha put on some shades and start rapping.

 _Pillow Fight._ Exactly what it sounds like. Lillian and the cadets, probably when lil's seven or so. Maybe younger, but it would be really cute. Like emergersh it's so cute. Such a shame there's such a huge age gap between her and the canon cadets, the kids that admire the sc would be cadets at that point that's scary.

Lillian watches the cadets kids grow up and she feels like a big sister. Also she's a flippin' shipper. Also eremika kid has crush on any spawn jean might eventually make. Though idk i like jean better as a forever alone uncle.

 _Phonograph_. Lillian asks erwin for a story. He tells her the story about how they got the phonograph, involving nipple blades, bamboo, and a bag of frozen peas.

 _Flurries_. Winter falls, and Lillian experiences her first snowfall outside.

 _Wrestle_. Lillian's young, she's like five, and she has a bedtime of like, seven or whatever that Hange strictly enforces. One day, she can't sleep, so she sneaks down to the kitchen to get a glass of warm milk or something, and she sees mikasa arm wrestling with jean as eren, connie, and sasha watch. connie tries helping jean, but mikasa beats them both. Eren then comes along and challenges her, but instead of wrestling, he just kisses her. He beats her, but she doesn't mind. Lillian watches in awe as she sees fluff. Then they catch her watching, give her a glass of milk, and she gets sent back to bed, and she falls asleep smiling. insp. some tumblr post i can't link to here.

 _You're Sure?_ A _Journey_ chapter. A random boy confesses to her, and she laughs him off, taking it for a joke.  
 _Positive_. She learns the guy was serious, and she thinks about it before ultimately rejecting him.

 _Lilac_. A _Journey_ chapter. Lilac's the code name among her friends for Lily's crush on this guy at boot camp named Eric, and the ship name is Lilac. Only thing is, Eric's not an idiot and puts all the pieces together before Lillian realizes it.

 _Sunshine_. Lillian, age five, has a dream of a pretty woman with ginger hair who sings to her. She tells it to Levi the next day, and he goes all tsundere and distant for a while. She later finds out that was her mom, singing her an old lullaby called "you are my sunshine."

 _Coffee_. A _Water Lily_ chapter. Lillian makes coffee for the first time. It's _awful_.

Lillian watches Armin help Hange dissect Eren in his titan form. Eren would have to suppress his regen abilities for the dissection, but since he's a shifter, they wouldn't have to wrry about killing him, since he'd be in the nape of the neck, where he wouldn't be harmed.

Connie uses a bad pick-up line on Sasha, _and it works_. Forever afterwards, Jean is using bad pick-up lines on all the new girls, or not even new girls, and they never work, because he's jean and i give him so much shit. Every time jean tells a couple to knock off the pda ("get a room!") they reply with "get a girl!"

 _Raindrops_. Lillian's young, and it's raining outside. Springles is babysitting her, and they're like heey kiddo, don't be sad, bc she'd just be staring melancholily out the window, and they get this thick-ass blanket, pick her up, and then sasha would sit on connie's lap as lillian sat on sasha's lap and they'd all do the thing with the blanket and then she'd fall asleeep and ahh springles fluff

Sasha takes the gang on a hunting trip and connie somehow gets shot in the ass with an arrow.

A _Journey_ chapter. Eric starts using really bad pick up lines, and says to lillian, "What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?" and she flushes red and starts crYING because she's super ashamed of her face scar and eric's like shit i fucked up. OMG AND THEN TO APOLOGIZE HE JUST SAYS, "YOUR WARM EYES MELT THE ICE IN MY HEART" AND SHE'S LIKE FUCK YOU AND HE JUST KEEPS BEING A SMOOTH MOFO and then aodifuhp eric's such a fuckboy.

Lillian wants to grow her hair out a little, (she'd be like, 6-8 at the time) since she had it in the asian kid bob cut, and levi's like, "no. your aunt mikasa has a bob cut and you don't think that's gross." and she's like, "but her hair isn't cut in a straight-ass line, daddy." and they just argue back and forth like that on her hair length.

Technically a _Finding Fire_ chapter, maybe the final one. Y'know to end it on a kinder note than lillian just dying in childbirth. Lillian's getting married to eric, and levi reflects on raising her.

Every other week during boot camp, eric goes up to lillian's window and sings her a mushy love song. One week, she gets fed up with him, and dumps itching powder all over him.

The first few days with her bunkmates, they'd obviously be like, sooo what's the scoop on ericcc, and she'd go all tsuntsun on them and be like, "whAT THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE THERE HAHA MOVING ON."

Pillow wars where lillian goes full-out yandere. The next morning, everyone's like, pillow war with lillian? And they're like, pillow war with lillian. What was it this time? We asked her about eric again.

Eric gets in a fight, and ella's like, "woah damn he's hot. LILLIAN, ERIC'S GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT!" and lillian's like, "well he's a weak-ass fuckboy, he won't last three seconds." "lillian i can't believe you're not taking advantage of this hot boy liking you." "yeah, well if you think he's so hot, you can have him. *slowly sips milk*" "what is love" ~Marilla

During the camping arc for water lily. _Waterfall_. Ella pushes Lillian off a waterfall. Everything's chill in the end, but lillian almost dies of shock.

Camping arc. _Leaves of Three_. Ella and Lillian find poison ivy or poison sumac, and they're like, "ooh these leaves are soft feel them" and kaboom they've got ivy rash. They get it off somehow, though.

 _Photograph_. Lillian's looking through levi's desk for some reason or another, curiosity, and she discovers a framed photograph that's facedown. She looks at it, and it's the original levi squad w/hange's older squad and mike's squad and she only recognizes hange and levi and molbit and eren, so she's like dad, who are these people and levi sees petra and he's like, lillian where'd you find this, and she'd be liek, in your desk, and levi just kinda sighs and shuts down. Hange or eren or someone else has to tell her who they are, and she'd be liek, oh.

One day, hange's just lke, molbit you should sketch everyone. So she gets molbit to draw a huge sketch of the original levi squad w/the new one and a bunch of other deceased characters, and she's like hmm yes nice.

After Annie comes out of her crystal, she gets triggered by the female titan incident. Just sort of curls up and spaces out, rocking gently, and at first everyone's like, okay? We'll just let her do her thing, but armin just always looks at her with sympathy until one day he just kinda creeps over to her and puts his arm over her and comforts her, calming her down and stuff

Another eremika chapter because i'm just trash for the ship. During the time between the quest to retake maria and historia's coronation, they make a sort of path-forging trip and they decide to leave eren and mikasa behind bc they're kind of super valuable and with a growing lillian it's kind of hard to leave her behind so they just kinda take her out to the meadow near hq and they go bunny-hunting.

Pretty soon post-crystal, maybe almost immediately post-crystal, the corps wants to find a way to keep annie in line but still be more humane than torture and shit because that stuff is disturbing and considering all she's been through it probably wouldn't work anyway. And besides since erwin probably wouldn't be commander anymore, hange would value the sanity of annie more, so now they need some way of keeping her in check but not go batshit crazy with it. So they're like, we can handcuff her to someone so that she can't escape, but then hange's like, what if she stabs them to death or cuts their hand off, and then jean's just like, well we can handcuff her to armin she wouldn't dare hurt armin, you saw her as the fem titan she literally kept him alive on purpose. So then everyone just turns to look at armin who flushes and ends up handcuffed to annie for a long while. It'll mostly be a background thing, but it'll be a thing.

A _finding fire_ chapter, but whatever. Eric asks levi if he can marry lillian and levi just kinda squints at him and is like, 'nupe' and then shit inspired by the song 'rude' or whatever.

 _Sins not Tragedies_. Aruani wedding chapter(s?). All around the chapel are whispers of "such a shame the poor groom's bride is a traitor" and it just really grinds eren's gears like holy shit haven't you people ever heard of shutting your damn mouths or talking behind closed doors? Well maybe _This is Gospel_ for the ceremony itself and then sins not tragedies for the reception. _Hallelujah_ for the court case where he says he'll marry her. Maybe. Also apparently _girlfriend in a coma_ is a patd song and you know i'm gonna use that.

The entire aruani wedding thing is super highkey and public because titan shifter. Public enemy. Getting married off. Oh boy everyone's gonna wanna see this. So's the eremika. Hell that one might be even bigger because ackerman/asian girl AND humanity's last hope holy SHIT who WOULDN'T want to see that?

 _Death of a Bachelor_. Armin's last night of bachelorhood before he marries annie because their entire wedding arc is going to be named after p!atd songs now.

Historia gets that letter from ymir. Except it's mroe hopeful and it's not delivered via reiner because this happens before the return to shiganshina arc. Fuck man should i just have ymir return herself? Nah, nah… just foreshadow her return with the letter.

At the end of their first year of training, the trainees go on a perilous path-forging expedition nicknamed The Hike where teams must forge a trail for themselves up a wild mountain, camp for a week, then return in one piece. It's pretty much their first year final.

The Ackertalk™ given to mikasa by levi, then much later given to lillian by both. But tbh since it seems eren and mikasa are going to reproduce and have ackerchildren they might as well make a guide to being an ackerman because lord knows that clan's sticking around

Levi and mikasa would probably have individual training sessions and talks because ackerman just wasn't really talked out enough in the manga itself.

Someone's looking through levi's files (before lillian does it too and discovers her true origins) and they find the letter.

Helena and ella come visit frequently during the summers. Helena switches to full-time work as a nurse or w/e after her parents die when lily and ella are 8-ish 9

Take advantage of the coordinate power's ability to transfer memories when talking about The Letter. It would probably make more sense if it came from a person who also knew fuck all about everything but they had a memory that wasn't theirs of some sort compelling them

I want to believe that during the timeskip, eren has learned how to control the mindless titans better and can turn them back into people and that the zeke spinal serum wears off so that connie's mom can return to normal again

When annie's pregnant with zoe it's like three months and she's been puking every morning and hange finally does some diagnoses and she's like "congrats you're preggers" and annie's like "i'm _what_ " and then everyone realizes annie never got sex ed like the rest of them

* * *

 ** _the letter:_**

 _Dear Levi:_

 _It may not seem like it, but we're on your side. Who we are, we cannot yet say, but realize that the fight we fight on this tiny island is not all there is to the war. We understand that your bloodline is important, even integral, to winning this war, so we have taken liberties and assumptions. This is your child. We hope you take care of her._

 _You have my deepest apologies for what happened to your previous squad. I hope that though they are gone, you will not inhibit your current squad from breaking military norms and pursuing relationships. We know there is another one of your clan in your squad. Please allow them the freedom to fall in love._

 _We hope this shall suffice for answers, for it is all we can provide without garnering suspicion._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Project Paradis(e)_

She was delivered by not by bert and/or reiner, but zeke when he and pieck arrived on paradis. She was part of zeke's master plan to free the eldians and stuff by utilizing the people on paradis. So thank goodness we have not only that cleared up but also the letter written oh my god it's been over a year and a half.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note, final:_** _Thank you for reading. I can at least rest easy now that I know that whoever cares knows what was supposed to happen._

 _Goodbye._


End file.
